Winnetou's

Indifference is psychological violence in disguise

2011-11-17T22:41:00.003Z

The title may appear to be weird. After all most people talk about indifference to violence not that indifference itself can be a violence. What do I mean by this obscure and somewhat cryptic title? It is not an enormous discovery but still quite some I think. I have been pondering for a while on this topic but never had enough of time or an inspiration to write about it.

Eva Pierakos some time ago wrote an excellent chapter in one of her book - the pathworks, in which she wrote that numbness of a person to another person in close relations is a form of cruelty in disguise. Numbness is a mechanism that people and especially children use to overcome pain and suffering. The way this mechanism works is that by numbing oneself, one protects oneself from pain and suffering. Unfortunately, numbing negative emotions automatically means one is numbing positive emotions as well. What is mentioned in the chapter is the fact that numbing is used when suffering and distress is caused by events from the outer world, world on which our control over events is seriously limited. Eva mentions that being numb is a form of a concept of evil, it is a strong statement indeed. In addition, Eva Pierakkos mentions that if we believe in God - we can devote the control to God and accept the status quo, and many events, which we cannot control - even though at times it may be painful and hard. This is a summary from the chapter.

What I have observed on top of that is something more subtle, a bit harder to see at first glance. If numbness is a form of protection from the outer world with many unpredictable events - in close relations is often used as well. This is especially the case when we have been let down, have suffered, have been seriously disappointed or even when we want to be careful so to speak. Numbness can lead to a psychological violence in disguise. It is a type of a very subtle passive-aggressive behaviour. Needless to say the consequences of this violence cannot be felt as easily as physical violence and one needs to be somehow sensitive to feel it. One could argue that in extreme cases one perhaps can be too sensitive but it is hard to explain it to someone who has suffered by violence caused by numbness and coldness. That type of violence is hidden and in disguise and somewhat difficult to notice. Depending on the strength of connection and the nature of a relation - the suffering caused by this type of violence can have dramatic effects on person’s health and can lead to victimisation and symptoms of psychological victimisation that in turn lowers one’s confidence and can have serious psychological side effects.

It means that one doesn’t have to kick, punch or hurt in any other physical way but pain can be inflicted on purpose or without it by being numb, distant and cold to somebody close or to put it a little bit drastically - by ignoring them. Ignoring is a bit extreme but happens sometimes as well. The more sensitive the person the more coldness can be felt.

You may have heard a numerous cases of family violence, serious violence, but would you ever believe somebody - if they said that they felt distressed and upset because someone was very cold and numb to them? Probably not, if somebody wanted to divorce over such an issue - a judge in the court could question motives of such person. At first glance it is an absurd claim Indeed, if we compare it to very drastic family violence cases - when an offender uses psychical force - then it appears as coldness and numbess as a form of aggression is a joke but over time - actually it can be felt pretty intensively.

The notion of violence caused by numbness becomes more tragic once one understands that as in case of all violences in the society - one can demand not to be mistreated and should indeed show that this behaviour is not to be accepted - with numbness type of violence - one cannot demand on offender to stop being cold. It simply doesn’t work in this way. You cannot ask for another person to be warmer, you can flag they have this problem and offer help but you cannot ask for them to change for you. This is especially true in very close relations - relationships - this is because we cannot beg and ask for affection and warmth. It is like almost when we do that - this is a perfect way not to get it. The more we ask the lesser affection and warmth we may get.

Eva Pierakkos - the concept of evil - http://www.awakentruth.org/lectures/134.html

Blog post - dedicated to Eva Pierakkos (1925 - 1979) - for her excellent book - the pathworks.

Eros is evil in disguise

2011-07-13T14:43:00.005+01:00

Eckart Tolle wrote in a book - New Earth that evil lies in subconsciousness, many horrible things that we do or say are because we do not manage in time to filter by our conciousness the evil [bad] coming from within the involuntary subconsciousness. In fact one of the traits of smart people is ability to filter sublime evil. One has to pay attention to words and actions very much. People that lack in intelligence and manners or are rash often speak what they think and the devil shows in it's "glory".

Having read a great book - Love is a Story it is clearly stated in that book that loving is a subconscious process and author proves that in about 350 pages. We cannot just say - I love somebody when we feel like to. We can draw a conclusion that love is also evil in disguise, we know it not only from history of many break ups, loneliness felt in relationships, family violence and often from own experience as well. We have all tried it but not all may realize complexity of interactions in brain when we do have feelings, complexities of our subconsciousness.

The solution is when you think of relationship as much as a friendship as possible, when both people do that, there is some hope. That kind of loving style is called - storge.

Favour goodness over badness

2011-07-02T10:25:00.001+01:00

Always favour goodness over wisdom and knowledge, wisdom is in books and you can always read them [not a big deal - trust me], goodness, however, is much more difficult to learn, it is because almost no one appreciates it, therefore people realize that is better not to be good. You can achieve much more through bad in disguise. Favour good and secure yourself inwardly to be shielded against bad.

Insecurity is the root of all evil

2011-06-30T16:40:00.002+01:00

Reached a conclusion similar to E. Tolle that people may loose other dear people in life because of insecurity. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Any insecurity is dangerous. It turns out that we are all insecure if we don't secure ourselves properly. No exceptions. Don't secure yourself from outside but always from the inside. That is what religious people have been doing for ages. We have no control over so many aspects of our lives - that it is beyond belief.

thinking of soul mates

2011-06-20T20:37:00.001+01:00

Sometimes it is really hard to get to know a person, who they truly really are. We don't ask obvious questions - we may think our friends think in similar way, especially when we feel comfortable around them. Wrong! Often, answers and their understanding of the world doesn't match ours in core issues. Biggest disasters are when we assume our soul mate will think like us. We are lucky if we share 80% of world perception with him/her.

Why extroverts are in a privileged position in romantic relationships

2010-11-18T21:54:00.005Z

If you have read books on psychological types then you know that many extroverts (red+yellow) do admit that they have two sided nature, on one hand they are good and on another hand they admit they are bad. This badness can mean many things but often it means that they are egoists and have tendencies to manipulate and stealth cruelty. This is especially the case, when they are so called mixed types, e.g. yellow + green and red + blue. They are two-faced people, naturally. Actually women often reveal it first, they say, I am an angel and a devil - all in one. I have never heard it from introverts that they would be both good and bad, introverts tend to be more naturally good. Everyone can change their attitude over time towards being bad but naturally I think they are good, closer to the ideal of pure goodness. Quite often they change the attitude after encounters with extroverts and when they have been betrayed.

Cloisters are for introverts, not extroverts

It should not be a surprise that many introverts end up in cloisters, blue priests and green nuns. Contrary, to this people that should end up in cloisters are the ones that don’t end up there, red and yellow people. Instead they have various other businesses. Due to simple logical calculation - it is fare to assume - that at least one of them is in more than 50% of families. They can can use their innate manipulative skills. Cloisters are also way too boring for sensation seekers - such as red and yellow people, they would never be able to pray all day and kneel without very strong devotion. Since so many extroverts lean to have a family - it is not a surprise that eventually people divorce.

Chemistry, is it an absolute must?

While this is very subjective I think in general we think that extroverted people are more sexually attractive, models are extroverted often with charming looks and disarming voice. There are people that will not be able to be in relationships with other people when they do not feel chemical attraction to another person, others do not have issues with that. What I have observed is that extroverts are attracted to introverts and extroverts - chemically. They fall in love and are in love with the other extroverted person as well as introverted people. Introverts, however, are not chemically attracted to introverts even though they may be so called soul mates, instead they are attracted only to extroverts or people who are both extroverted and introverted (blended types). This means that introverts, if you think about this are in less privileged position because they are not attracted to each other but only to extroverts. They don’t have as many people to choose from. This observation is following talking with a few introverts and listening to what they want and why they chose people they chose rather than others. Introverts are attracted not only on chemical level [two bodies close together exchanging pheromones] but also on a psychological level. The brain of an extrovert is able to process love related emotions much more easily than an introvert, thus making extroverts naturally dominating over introverts. The only way to combat that natural domination is if one is stronger, which pretty much boils down to one extrovert being with another extrovert or an introverted man being much older than an extroverted girl.

Extroverts are risk takers and often insensitive

What you may have also noticed is that yellow and red people are often controlling and they don’t have moral qualms to play love games of various kind, they often admit that it is you have to play games. Since they have so many people falling for them - they are not afraid of the risk - thinking that they will always find somebody. Actually there is a strong correlation between level of intelligence and ability to stealth manipulate in an intelligent manner. Imagine that being spotted is considered to be a failure so one has to use amazing knowledge to do it intelligently. It is actually not that hard if one reads books on the market about manipulation and has some experience applying it. Perfection takes time tough. If a victim is also fairly stupid and does not know science of psychology and what dangers are awaiting in the forrest - the manipulator/perpetrator can have a lot of fun with the victim. Cruelty requires one to be insensitive to one’s pain - and often the way a brain of extroverted person works is that they are indeed insensitive to pain.

Extroverts are lazy

Attraction that all other colours feel to extroverts make them naturally lazy. When you get many job offers while you have a good job, you start ignoring job offers and last thing you have on your mind is to work on yourself to change yourself, to improve yourself. After all, why would you want to do that if you can easily have a new job? The same situation happens with beautiful extroverts and their love life.

Life is totally unfair and why it favours liars and powerful brains

One thing that I couldn’t quite grasp after reading one psychological book - was why yellow and red men that are less sensitive than blue and green people - marry quicker. Inequality in relationships is not even so much based on how we look like, how attractive we are physically but also what sort of brain we were born with, what are the prevalent hormones in our brain. This that evolution and nature favours power and strength. It is not a surprise that power is chosen over weakness. Power, however, comes at the cost, extroverts often hide their real feelings of affection and it is likely to meet one that lies about their feelings as a way to control and exercises power over an individual. Both men and women tend to lean to powerful characters - as long as they can feel - “the thing” - for them. That thing is a love map compatibility, every person has a love map and to find a person that would share our love map is really hard - this is sometimes referred to as soul mating. Thus, if a person feels or has felt a “thing” for both an introvert and extrovert, it is fair to assume that a person will choose an extroverted person - unless an individual already understands and has experience with negative traits of extroverted people. In that sense - following one’s heart is actually bad - because we follow the power and leaning to power is not favouring long term happiness and unity of two people. That is blindness of love and one should put corrective glasses of knowledge to correct it for the long term happiness.

Stealth manipulation works but... knowledge is your friend

How this power of extroverts is achieved is both through natural leaning to extroversion and through act of manipulation. If you do study some horrible psychological manipulation that can be done to a human being then you know that if you do not have moral qualms you can make another person totally dependant on you, you can make them to have compulsive obsessive thoughts about you - to the point of emotional exhaustion. Tests like that have been done on rats and pigeons and often they collapsed from exhaustion after a few sessions of psychological torture. There is a strong correlation between torture and seduction, if one does not have moral qualms and knows psychological tricks. Hard core love games can therefore be considered to be act of emotional torture. Needless to say, what is perceived as torture and the strength depends on how an individual likes another individual, how sensitive an individual is and last but not the least how knowledgeable and skilled an individual is to protect himself/herself from vicious acts. The protection can be done by reading books on the matter of manipulation, understanding when they are performed and eventually training at home or with a psychotherapist to resist acts of torture when they happen. Psychologists offer training set for interested people.

How to correct this, if you want to

Coming soon....

To be in love with one’s free will [freedom]

2010-11-13T10:52:00.003Z

If I can blame myself - that would be being moral and often judgmental; blaming others sometimes for their own vices and forgetting about my own. No, I am not an angel. No one is, set of our vices vary though and one vice for another person is an advantage for another one.

On 11th November 2010 there was a special day for me and for many of us - the remembrance day. For me it was special not because of remembrance day but never mind. For me, number 11 is a special number actually. This is for many reasons and since this blog is public and this is quite private matter I will keep it to myself.

P. Coleho wrote a very interesting post on 11th November from his book - 11 Minutes. It was about a bird and a cage.

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/11/10/the-bird-and-the-cage/

Now, if you think about this what we may love about other people is their freedom, the fact that we have no way to predict their behaviour. Yellow people [explorers] love their freedom so much that they are willing to pay often high price for it. They want to be loved for their freedom and they want to be happy at all costs to them and others. Perhaps in the long term some of us tend to love the most is our free will. Often one person abandons another person for them to come back later on or not, later on another one may abandon the other one, etc. Total unpredictability. In general there is lots of break ups and abandoning each other! Is it the way to go? I don’t know, not for me actually - because I think compassion and caring for each other should be no 1. That is in direct conflict with free will and one sided or two sided abandonment.

Abandonment has many roots and reasons, often it is because the way relationship is working is not ideal for an individual or both. When a person had something in the past that was better, they yearn to the past feelings. So when a person leaves - they cause the other one to love them / hate them - this is because as I stated some of us tend to love one’s freedom. Also, we feel we were not good enough, like a rotten apple that is chucked away, like a teddy bear that is no longer needed. Love or affection that is not returned tends to be strong if someone idealizes the other person too much and cannot see their vices. So it is messed up but you don’t have to Einstein [like me not] to notice it yourself :)

Abandoning someone is often equal to killing them and betrayal, the pain that ego and pain body feels is often unbearable. The more insensitive one is - the better, the less important the person is - the better, the more one is prepared to live on one’s own - the better, the more friends one has - the better, the stronger one is - the better, the more extroverted brain one has - the better.

This reminds me of a song by Sade - Soldier of Love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4xb9TSIITY

In many respect when one leaves another the act of doing so can be felt as a shoot from a gun in the heart with blood drilling - just like in action movies.

Why yellow [Explorer] vegetarians are also manipulative, cruel and often merciless

2010-11-12T13:24:00.003Z

If you get to know explorers [yellow] people a lot, you will understand that most of them [if not all] like to play either love games subconsciously or consciously. Love games are acceptable for some people to a certain degree but there is a point which many people have - threshold of acceptability - beyond acceptability. The threshold changes over time and also varies on the time of day.

I used to think that if someone is an explorer or explorer/negotiator [yellow/green] is vegetarian they will stop themselves from playing games and stealth manipulation. This was rooted in thinking that if love games do indeed hurt another human being then an individual that does not want to harm any beings, including human beings - will stop himself/herself from doing so. It turns out, that our innate subconscious type is so strong that those people will not stop themselves from playing games even though they may inflict serious pain. Their egoistic need to put themselves first and in a subtle or not so subtle way despise another being is so high that it overrides even their own beliefs about being merciful. For me it was a shock. As some people know -> love can lead to a serious war between egos and often people will not stop themselves from anything to fight for their dignity and respect. Despite Geneva convention in war, in love games, for some almost all weapons and strategies are permissible. Ego in a person = Evil, so love games are often an evil vs an evil war. The more intensive the feeling the more devilish the war will be!

You will ask, but how is this possible? You see, it is. First of all, the way a brain of an explorer [yellow] works is different, so for them suffering is not as intensive as for introverts. If they have never been able to feel what is in someone else’s brain - they think it is fairly harmless to play hard core games. They are also high sensation seekers, which means that they will play the game not only for the other person but also for themselves. After all, they don’t know the outcome of the game and the other person upon which the game is played is unpredictable -> thus eventually the one that plays with a weapon may be the person dying from the same weapon. That is the price and price is often very high, we are talking about months or years of investment in a relationship. The longer the investment, the more dangerous it is and the more thrills those people will have when they play. Another one is that explorers actually believe that their freedom to do what they want is above any person’s needs, therefore they should have any right to leave the person when they want and then expect to be accepted when they want to come back. This is fact is subconsciously treating a person like an object, which is something I have covered in my blog post: “To love something or Somebody”.

I once realized that to be with an explorer girl a man needs to be even better manipulator than they are. The manipulation can be either stealth - when it is invisible for the person and not stealth - when it is botched and is so blantantly obvious that one is laughing how botched job the manipulator has done.

Vegetarian explorers are the most ambivalent or impossible type one can find, because they are moral [veggie way of living] and amoral [conscious or subconscious] at the same time.

It turns out that suffering in love often makes this love stronger in the long term and that is why I think explorers [yellow] people play games. It may make it stronger for them but not necessarily for the other person. It is quite clear from this - that explorers should be with explorers and it is indeed the case. They marry each other above statistical average [Helen Fischer].

Last but not least, the absolutely must component for a relationship to work in the long term is mutual respect and compassion and it turns out that one seems to be the hardest to get from an explorer/negotiator

To love something or Someone?

2010-11-06T20:37:00.005Z

Accidentally, I went to Sex and the City fan page on facebook and what I have read truly scared me. Ok, I don’t like it but then again my opinion is probably useless anyway because if it has so many followers than I am not going to change the world, am I?

"4,614,687 people like this"

If you know what sort of people like Sex and the City, then you will know that they are liked by yellow people. People who are superficial and are not scared to say that. People who are glib, like to play games, lie, despise, control and usually look very sexy and attractive. Those same people are usually also totally charming and sexy as hell. They pay attention to the way they look like a lot. Everyone should really, they just take it one step further than most.

There was one particular quote from sex and the city that I was thinking about -
“You wanna take the only person who's in your life purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?”- Samantha

Another one I saw on facebook written by a yellow girl is:
“If you love something, set it free, it will come back to you - broken”

If it wasn’t enough, another one I heard from a yellow woman - “If only I had time, I would go around and fuck up men’s minds but I don’t have time :(”

You must think I really stumble upon horrible yellow people, well maybe, but I dare to say that 90% of them is like this and 90% is being an optimist as well.

Not all yellow people like Sex and the City but there is a strong correlation between Sex and the City, Lady Gaga and yellowness of a person.

Often these people will be in relationships and will treat another person like an object. It is actually easier like this because loving someone really truly is hard, dangerous and awkward. When you treat someone like an object, it removes all guilt that you may have. After all, why would you feel guilty if you did something bad to an object? You can feel guilty if you treat someone like a human being that feels. If you treat someone like an object, you can suddenly start doing things that you wouldn’t do to a human being that feels and suffers. You can play games, you can despise them, you can treat them badly. Basically, you can be a bitch or a bastard without remorse. Funnily enough those people cling also to themselves in opposite [or same] sex. After reading a book by Helen Fischer - it is quite clear that yellow [explorer] people primarily marry yellow [explorer] people. That means that they often both tend to treat themselves badly and often relationship is about stealth manipulation. As psychologists say, often active inflicted cruelty removes sense of guilt from a human being. It numbs the person even more. A guy will claim he is busy and has no time, woman will pretend she doesn’t want to have sex or even that she needs some time for her own her now. One will try to put themselves first, and another one will do the same. Putting themselves first as I wrote in previous blog entries - is the most subtle way to despise someone.

It is about lying, pretending and games. So how can you have a real intimacy between people in such situations - you can’t. What is truly horrible is that you can also FAKE intimacy!!! When I realized this I was shocked, I have never thought intimacy could be faked. Obviously, it is never as black and white as I describe it. There are shades of gray but basically, intimacy is much more serious for introverts than for extroverts.

I have noticed that in general introverts tend to treat other people like human beings and extroverts tend more like objects. Often extroverts expect subconsciously to be treated like an object as well. They will never admit it, but when they find a perfect guy or perfect girl - the one that has no flaws and loves them - they freak out. They don’t want to be loved back. Messed up, huh?

I found an interesting comment of one woman on the Internet that was a review of a book:
“I am recently separated from my husband. He used to worship me but for some reason I just didn't feel the same for him. He was perfect in every aspect, but I couldn't love him the same way back. I ALWAYS had doubts about my feelings for him, but because HE loved me so much, I ended up settling. Now he went the other way... says he doesn't want to be married, doesn't know what he wants, and I started to freak out and convinced myself he was the man of my dreams.”

Later on she writes:
“My husband is playing a lot of games with me, just as men do in the dating world, and I was feeling pretty overwhelmed. After reading the writer's wife chapter, I was reminded that love should be easy. There shouldn't be any rules. The Rules have to happen naturally. You aren't available because you REALLY have stuff to do and other things to think about.”

I could almost say for 90% that a yellow woman wrote this.

Why people play games and manipulate. Because it works. If you have no moral qualms and know how to do it intelligently, this will drive a person mad and you can make them love you a lot! You can only do it, as long, as they don’t realize, have a thing for you, if they do realize this - they accept games to be played upon them. You cannot play games to someone that realizes what is happening and doesn’t accept them. After all, everyone is free and a person can always go their separate way. Also games can hurt and you can hurt someone so much that they won’t be able to easily trust you again. In a sense brutal love games are for insensitive people or the ones that are not afraid to suffer in the name of something - not sure what?

You may ask, why is there such a fundamental difference between the way introverts tend to love and extroverts and does it mean all introverts are wonderful and all extroverts are that bad. No of course not. First of all, what is bad for one person is not necessarily bad for another one. Extroverts often have biased moral system to their own needs, which means that they perceive badness differently or can always explain something that is perceived as bad and still do it. If you think about this really deeply - they way they subconscious mind operates is different. This is what truly separates introverts and extroverts, vastly different subconsciousness.

If I slate all yellow and red people so much, is it possible to meet one of them that will have strong moral system. Yes, being religious, christian and vegetarian helps. It just improves the score - it is still unclear how possible is to completely remove their vices. Psychologists think vices of human beings are innate 50% and 50% they are acquired through life experiences and how they have developed their moral system over the course of their life.

Playing games and being bad in general is driven by one primarily problem known to all human beings - appreciation of goodness is difficult. Goodness is boring and badness is exciting. Love that is NOT returned is INITIALLY stronger.

So what happens? Everyone subconsciously [unless they know how to correct it] goes for bad people.

Many people therefore go for other people that treat them like objects! That is why so many people fall for this sick psychological mechanism. Learn to correct it, learn the science of psychology.

Are you a dormant sadist?

2010-10-21T10:18:00.003+01:00

Sadism is more subtle than you think. "Sadism comes with a goofy smile, some sleazy glitter and a cackle."

In Milgram experiment, under power of the authority, 65!!!!% of people went all the way to the highest VOLTAGE to condition students".

What I have observed is something totally scary but I have no proof for that at all. It is only based on my personal life experience and partially generalization effort. There are psychological types that will have higher probability to consciously inflict pain than others. Red and Yellow types have higher probability to inflict pain than Blue and Green types. I don’t exactly know why but I think a lot boils down to brain and the neuroscience. Did you know that high levels of oxytocin will mean that you will feel more empathy towards other beings? Green types have naturally high levels of oxytocin, where as Red and Yellow types don’t. They have more testosterone. People are often blends, so for instance a Yellow and Green type will have some bits of oxytocin. This is all about natural empathy. There is also something like conscious empathy, which means through education, intelligence you can become more empathetic. Conscious actions can fix any subconscious actions pretty much. The problem is that subconscious actions account for more than half of your actions and less than a half are conscious. This will mean that more often you will behave the way your subconsciousness is telling you rather than your consciousness. This is important to understand because it means it is hard to fix yourself even if you try. Realization of the problem is 50% of the solution though. Some people don’t think they have a problem, so they cannot solve it.

On the other hand, just to show you that I try to be as little prejudiced as possible, if you take a look at Roman Catholic way of bringing up children in Poland between 1900-2000, you will notice that priests and nuns were very strict to pupils. Priests are often blue and nuns are often green. That would be against my theory of yellow and red being the only source of bad on this planet. Pupils were beaten with a rubber, they were forced to stand in the corner and many more. It is really hard to know how to bring up children but that is topic for another blog post - once I gather some opinions and bring up a child myself, which may take me a few years...

Are you scared of yourself? You should be. Doubt yourself and control the dormant sadist in you. Never let power of authority forget about humanity and who you truly are. The power of authority can be very powerful... 65% of population is more than half and psychiatrists were asked a question on how many percents will go all the way to the highest voltage and the answer was 1%...

How to Deal With Extroverted Women - Two Strategies

2010-10-20T21:40:00.005+01:00

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

This is how yellow/red women often behave or maybe in general women but I wouldn’t say all of them are like that. Especially extroverted women. Marilyn Monroe was very much an extroverted woman or a blend between extroverted and introverted.

In psychology a cookbook story suggests that there is only one solution to relationship - based on mutual trust and respect. If you think about this, this is not really possible, because people fight, ego vs ego. Subconscious ego is an evil in a human being, so it means an evil in one human fights with an evil in another human. What is important is that ego should not be confused with identity of a person, it is a subconscious force.

Modern psychology is not as sure that there is only one solution so many traditional psychology books while focus on the most perfect type of love, it is hard to imagine that one would ever find one like that. Most certainly one won’t. Well maybe only in dreams. As with every war [war of egos] one side eventually needs to surrender. Perhaps a sweet surrender, like Sarah MacLachlan signs.

Some people are just very naturally difficult to handle and it is hard for them to be in long term relationships because they don’t want to change, and NEVER because of someone - no matter how much they love that person. If you analyze life of Marylin Monroe it is clearly visible. She died at age of 36, went through a few short relationships.
They MAY [and one should not hope really] change because they are loved for all they are - with all their advantages and disadvantages. I have actually observed this on one person and yes that person has changed through love over years of a relationship, changed partially. They seek somebody that will accept them for all they are without wanting to change them. A lot depends on what kind of father they had, if father was allowing them anything and has spoilt them - they will expect a man to allow them anything. Fathers often love their daughters so much that they allow them to do what they want, well almost. Another type of father is a stringent tyrant or a strict parent that will terrorize a child in one way or another. One could think that of course balance should be in place but we human beings always have problems with balance, either we swing from tyranny to being too nice and being too permissive.

That person may be in a relationship with a builder and negotiator type [blue + green] that will want to change yellow or red girl. Builders are very moral and they want amoral yellow people to behave in the right way. Their right way, so to speak. Since there is no right way, either one behaves like this or like that. If the relationship is to survive then most probably people will depart from each other, living in a dead marriage bound by money or a child together. One person will allow another one to do what they want, thus often hardly even spending time together. Time spend together would result in conflicts. I have seen a dead marriage like this in my life, eventually a moral builder guy, after 14 years, was left for a guy that was permissive and allowed a woman to be all she wanted accepting 99% of her actions but counted all the money he ever lend to her, this leaving himself a bit of being nasty. Marilyn Monroe type will be the way she wants with the guy that accepts her all she is or she will be single. It is hard to imagine any other scenario.

In Christian religion, the guy is always right and a woman should listen, in this case surrender to him. That is a sexist view indeed but there is more to it. When a woman is in control she also has the power over all things in life, it requires enormous trust from a guy’s point of view in that woman to know what she is doing. If she herself doesn’t know what she is doing, it can create a very messy situation. What if she knows what she is doing except that there are many ways in which something can be accomplished? What if people do not agree on those ways? This creates inevitable tension. One person is free and another person is free but to be together one needs to be less free than another one. There is no other way.

So an extroverted woman yellow and red woman to be and love a blue and green guy she most love him above everything and most likely it won’t happen. So a better type for an extroverted woman is a red and blue guy, or yellow and green. Either they will be permissive or they will stealth manipulate her, so well that she won’t even notice. How do I know that yellow and red guys/girls stealth manipulate, well I have seen it many times and I like psychology so I can spot these things. They also sometimes cheat and lie :(. Another solution is when a blue and green guy changes to be more permissive and let the red and yellow woman be the way she wants to be and either she stays with him or she gets bored and leaves him. Either he accepts and she accepts or... freedom for both but apart. The problem of the last strategy, i.e. being permissive to yellow and red - that doesn’t have solution is that one cannot love the person that doesn’t respect themselves. So it is a bit doomed as well :( It is so hard, hard to think about happy long term ending in any case, yet we people want to love and want to be loved and it is hard to imagine that it will ever change.

The Quest For the Truth

2010-10-15T10:39:00.005+01:00

Based on a few recent life experiences I can conclude there is no truth. It is not that we know what is good or bad at a particular moment in time. What initially appears to be bad may be a good act. Sounds bizarre - I know. The future unravels whether the bad act was a bad act initially and good for the future or it was just a bad act.

You should never believe when someone tells you that he/she knows the truth. Only God knows the truth and human beings are unable to predict the future in 100%, maybe 99% AT MOST. I would support a notion agreeing with philosopher Bennet that organism develop ability to predict the future based on life experiences.

There are many Gods, in Christian religion it is different than in, for instance, Hinduism, where there are many Gods and each of them serves a particular purpose. I am a spiritual person for sure and now I do lean more do Christian vision of the truth but even I cannot call it an absolute truth at this stage. Although many books will point to the Bible as the word of God and the absolute truth. The Bible has been written by humans and is probably the most accurate word of God known to human kind. In fact a book I have been reading online recently claims that if one doubts in Bible as the only source of the Truth that means Satan is speaking through them. That would mean there is Satan in me :(. However, what about all those religions that are not Christian? Are people that believe in them going to serve in heaven or reign in hell? We don't know, one Catholic priest once told me that they may go to heaven but it is hard to know what God will decide because they didn't have Christianity in their culture. This is suggesting that Christianity is the only right way. I don't think so but I am becoming more and more Christian. While I don't know many other things about other religions but for me Christianity also teaches you how to be a good human being, repent sins, be peaceful to your enemies and many more. In a sense I am a Christian skeptic. Some of the things that priests said were personal opinions rather than things written in the Bible. Mind that you Bible has many people that interpret it slightly differently!!! This adds even more complexity. Untold things people think up themselves. This makes sense. This is so called conjecture based reasoning or projections where a person will interpret unknown and missing information in favor of it’s own desires and beliefs. In Polish we say: “co gluchy nie uslyszy to zmysli” - which means what a deaf person cannot hear they will conjure up. I met also various people that follow Hinduism, some of them claimed they know the truth, others didn’t. Now I tend to trust more the ones that don’t know the truth. Having said that, I cannot 100% believe a priest so you should definitely not believe me! :) It is up to you really. That is why we were born with reason and illogicality to be able to merge those things together. A merge is somewhat troublesome and time and intelligence is necessary to reveal meaning of illogicality. I would resort more to reason though because emotions and things that come are somewhat arbitrary. A marriage of both can be amazing and horrible, you can also think of literal marriage between a man and a woman. This can create a total differentiability, one person is driven by reason another by spirituality. Totally opposite leanings. Despite what you may think, I do actually resort to illogical thinking and am driven by my subconscious thinking sometimes, as long as it is not too risky and the consequences are irreversible or not that scary for me. I do have whims from time to time, like I strongly feel I need to do something and I do it but I think many many many times before I make a decision that is often irreversible and forever, like break up with a partner or leaving the company. Some people however - break up and they come together, leave the company - see it was a bad decision and try to come back to the previous one. In fact some people think that you should kill for love, so you should break up with someone just to see if they really love you or to control them. Recently, in the UK there was a poster of a woman - “I kill for love”. By breaking up a person can exploit’s another person’s victim’s complex and can manipulate that person. It is a dangerous game because if you do it to a psycho, someone that cannot see the difference between the feeling and reality they may actually come to kill you. A woman should be afraid what games she plays because the weapon you use to kill, may be the weapon you die from. They probability is quite low for this but it is possible. This reminds me of the movie Broken Embraces - Almovodar movie, where Penelope Cruz leaves the guy and he eventually pushes her from stairs. She is a naughty one and likes to play games but she is also quite lazy as a person and indifferent to suffering of a human being. A true evil in disguise if you think about it.

Sometimes when we leave, we leave forever with no intention of coming back but I wouldn't burn bridges unless they are a really bad bridges, depends to what they are bridges and how much the person that let you down can cause damage in your future life. If they did treachery, apply your moral standards to a treachery but try not to be too horrible. That is what I think. Others often the ones that also have biased moral standards do not judge others.

“Nie sądźcie, a nie będziecie sądzeni; nie potępiajcie, a nie będziecie potępieni; odpuszczajcie, a będzie wam odpuszczone.”

More here [In Polish]:
http://www.taize.fr/pl_article4031.html

translates to... “don’t judge, so you will not be judged, don’t condemn and you will not be condemned, forgive so that you will be forgiven”

Well, it is hard to know what to do, I don’t always know. I try emotions not to take over me in making a decision. Usually the future relation to a person shows me whether it was a good decision or in a case of a company - the next one I join to - whether I feel comfortable there.

Even Bible contains very complex events to explain - like Sodom and Gomorrah, why would God punish so many people. It almost appears like it is evolutionary - evolution also kills beings, but except for bad moral acts evolution kills weaker. Can you see the difference? Evolution destroys the weaker ones and God destroys the not obedient ones. So if there is just evolution and there is God, there is no way to know the difference. The God is truly undetectable on a larger scale. If you can see miracles of Him in your life but no one would ever proof the God, so God will always be subjective and maybe this is the way it should be - considering that free will is the most important and freedom for all of us. I would actually wish sometimes I had less freedom than I have and would prefer to be more obedient to Christian way. At least this is what I think now. Today. I am leaning back to Christianity, who knows maybe to come back to something else in the future. Even I cannot predict myself - even though I consider myself to be a person of a fairly stable beliefs. Maybe that part of me is the seeker - the seeker of the impossible to find truth.
In polish we say - “you learn all life and you die stupid”.

Quest for the truth - is not an easy quest - in fact, it is an impossible quest to find out the truth but honestly quite adventurous and shapes one’s world’s view. I can have more experience to say smart things... as opposed to practice racism, be indifferent to things and people, sexism, ignorance and specism, etc.

While a bit off topic, I genuinely think that we are naturally GOOD or BAD but over the course of our life we can change, from bad we become good, from good we become bad. It is a hard work and many people are lazy to change. Maybe the ones that are good should lean to badness and the ones that are good should lean to goodness? Well, this is what happens in relationships very very often - falling in love is differential - which means a good person falls in love in a devil and hopes that the devil will change. The devil maybe hopes the good person will change, so they hope all their life and who knows maybe some of them do change? A Polish Priest Tischner said that suffering will enrich you, so pain you experience in love - inevitable pain can change you or the partner in some way. This is what Jung wrote: ”Against an impossible love, one should wait and see the meaning of it.” Impossible love is the differential love, where people can only change through love but that is not guaranteed. I observed that people did change in love in long term relationships in some ways, in others they didn’t. So it works partially but good that it works at all!
Naturally it makes sense for the natural bad person change into a good person, as opposed to opposite! That is what I think. The badness should be obedient to goodness but they may fight from time to time. Unfortunately - necessary fights. Who wins? The stronger.... oh let’s be strong then because no one likes sissies :) That part is truly evolutionary - in evolution the stronger one wins and concept of a game in relationship emerges :( I personally don’t like love games.

So don’t trust the truth. I don’t claim I am the truth. Knowing the truth would require one to be 100% that one can predict the future events and whether they are good decisions. I don’t think anyone can claim it, people maybe can claim various percents. At this stage I may oscillate around 1-5% in certain aspects of my life. Obviously, it is not something I can mathematically calculate, more like feeling.

I don’t know the truth in life. I just have an opinion. Do you know the truth? Doubt anything. Doubt yourself and doubt others. Wait and see what is the meaning behind everything in the future. Try to predict the future as much as you can and make wise choices. This is my motto.

If there is no truth but there is only a pointer to the truth, what is your truth and you seeking the truth may change over time for you. You should learn to accept it and always understand why it has changed. It requires you to be reflective.

On sensation seeking women [yellow, red + yellow + red] and pornography

2010-10-05T23:30:00.002+01:00

Following some of recent posts on Facebook I was a little bit surprised, only a little bit because I already knew that some of these things are happening often in the background of relationships.
I noticed that on Facebook girls a few times posted things like: “I like it on the sofa” and many similar ones which I cannot even remember. I don’t think they posted it, I am 99% sure that their boyfriends had access to their computer and they posted that. I happen to know that these women are in relationships, are yellow or yellow and green and I often know with what type of guys because I was invited to parties and had a chance to talk to them. Why would those women allow such behaviour, does it mean all women that are sensation seeking allow this behaviour? Not really. That is good news.

If you have read my post on Swedish Steps, take a look in previous blog history - then you know that one of the most powerful type of humiliations and causing psychological pain is actually - public humiliation. Little bit lesser damaging and more subtle are: being stood up, forgetting birthdays, being numb and cold but far the best one is to publicly humiliate someone. It can only work provided that the person trusts and loves the person that humiliates and the person that is being humiliated it daft enough and has a very bad pre-frontal cortex to be able to stop and think about this type of behaviour and understand what does it mean and what does it lead to. Sensation seeker woman can also can be sensitive and many people don’t know that being hurt and seeking the sensation of pain can be stimulating. That is why sensation seekers like it, because otherwise relationship becomes too boring, too predictable - and not stimulating enough. Anyone who probably reads this must think - how sick is this. That is applying moral judgement and yes in the long term it probably won’t work because eventually friends, other people and the person itself will notice it and will be strong enough to break this vicious circle. It can take years though!!! As I said especially susceptible are sensation seekers with low self esteem. It turns out most of us have some complexes so a skillful manipulator can easily exploit those. In fact, a woman often provides a feedback about her complexes. It couldn’t be easier then.

Those type of story is sometimes referred in psychological books as Pornography Story, where one partner debases and despises another one. This causes the other one to feel bad and suffer - thus something appealing to sensation seekers. There are many ways that sensation can be sought, in our society, for instance, it is believed that physical violence is a bad thing. Of course it is but comparing to psychological - physical violence is less painful. It hurts a bit and stops. Psychological one has far more reaching consequences and is also harder to detect. If you deeply think about this - this is conditioning from Pavlov’s stand point as well, except the person that is conditioned must know why they are so bad and be punished for it and enjoy it in the process. Sometimes they don’t even know why they are punished for, it doesn’t even matter. A spank is a spank, whatever.

There is another problem to all of this, in pornography story - the assumption is that when you love a woman - she will leave you. If you are brave enough to despise her, it means you love yourself more than her. You would never despise anyone you truly love. Well, those that truly love are often - but not always - left behind. It really depends on woman’s pre-frontal cortex and how clever she is to stop and think, many of them are not - but I do know a few that understand this mechanism and enjoy happier long term relationship with partners that do not play these sort of games. However, to my great surprise these women often do play these games and those partners are often puzzled on how this is possible. It almost looks like almost one person will have tendencies to fuck around. Sometimes it is not even a game - sometimes it is being bored, sometimes it is being clumsy and careless, it is enough. It is almost impossible for anyone without extensive psychological knowledge to differentiate between a subconscious or conscious despising or just simply being lazy, forgetful or clumsy. It is just very hard and has to be understood.

Why no one talks about this in society? It is a taboo topic. Yet, many couples like that are in relationships and worse of all very few of us can help these people. Contrary to what you may think - sometimes help is not necessary, sometimes they know what is happening and they allow it. If someone wants to commit a suicide they go and jump off the bridge - after all they have a free will, so I think we should also give them free will. Problem is when they do not understand what is happening, so that they cannot make more conscious decision about their future. This is worrying then.

The last the most “amazing” type of a woman you can imagine is the one that understands this mechanism, loves psychology, has good pre-frontal cortex to stop and think and at the same time she is a sensitive - sensation seeker and doesn’t like manipulation. If she doesn’t settle for a good person - she is very likely to be single. It makes sense. Just think about it. There is not other way anything else could ever work. Oh well, there are extreme sports as well but that is not a relationship :)

Sometimes I think it is hard to apply moral judgement because these people didn’t choose their brain. We have different brains and different levels of hormones - dopamine, serotonie, oxytocin and testosteron. When you have a lot of dopamine by default - you need to have a lot to have any sensation that would be interesting to you. When you have naturally low level and more oxytocin - very small quantity is stimulating and you don’t need these extra things. Yellow people do need a lot of dopamine for nice sensations or they get bored. However, in family and in the society this has far reaching consequences - a child may see a mother being beaten, shouted, treated like a second class citizen. Friends may see this behaviour and I have seen it so many times, whenever, I see it I can only be silent because what else can I say. This is not a happy silence for me.

I have known good people that changed their attitude to be able to settle with a sensation seeking woman towards a despising attitude. Some people have it naturally - others need to change if they allow it morally. Others, like me, don’t want to change, choose goodness instead. The ones that have the easiest job are actually the liars, cheaters and people that deceive a lot. Smile to you but in fact are hypocritical. For them it comes naturally - they don’t have to change because they are like that.

Games have been tried on me but I have a pre-frontal cortex is in a good shape so I am able to stop and think but I could see on myself how it could work on a sensation seeker. Our brains are indeed different but not that different for me to be able to experience things and understand what others could be experiencing as well.

We live in a society, a society has certain norms and standards, I don’t go around and piss on walls, I don’t spit on people on the streets. It is amazing that for a sensation seeker a sensation is so important that they are even willing to put up with a humiliation of this sort to experience thrills of it. I will judge it and I do judge it, it is sick. Maybe being too good, constantly bestowing woman and being a sissy is also sick but despising like this is also sick.

Evolution does favour strength, to play games like this often brains of two people need to be strong enough to handle so many dopamine injections. It is a ride big time, eventually the one that is able to handle dopamine injections in a more calm and relaxed manner becomes controlling in a relationship, often accidentally. So you can do whatever you want, if your brain is weak you are fucked. You didn’t choose your brain... evolution and genetics did choose for you. There is an assumption here - both people need to start from similar feelings of intensive love, otherwise even your brain is weaker you may still reject a person that would otherwise be stronger than you. It is when you don’t love them you don’t feel love.

There is no TRUTH, people have different meanings of the words we commonly use. So for a sensation seeker love requires a constant state of feeling thrills and high, for a sensitive person it does not because it is there by default. So for a yellow person word love can potentially mean something else than for a blue person or a green person, the ones that do not need such enormous simulations to enjoy their feelings. Same word - different meanings - totally. Those intensive feelings will finish for a sensation seeker sooner than you imagine if you do not provide her enough of stimulation on a weekly or daily basis. Then as long as she feels something, she will get hurt and enjoy masochistic feelings of intensive “love”. I put ‘love’ in quotes because this is not what I personally view as love but as I said there is NO TRUTH, so it is just my opinon.

Now a digression on religion, why a religious yellow or yellow and green woman could be more likely to choose a good person. This is because religion constantly conditions us to be good and in Christian religion actually sadness is more natural state of being that happiness. Recall self flagellation. So seeking happiness is not the necessary component but rather salvation. Now think that happiness = sensation seeking for a sensation seeker. Also, there is a very strong emphasis on a subordination of a woman to a man and concept of sacrifice in a marriage. Now think about this, if those women are really religious they could choose rather a good person. Here is the thing, there is a correlation but often there needs to be some help in that as well. By help I mean for instance a child together, family support and praying to God to resolve and help to gain strength. When there is an external force to which one can pray and connect with there is a stronger probability for a success of a marriage I think. It is not a inevitable component but I would say highly desired. If you follow divorce rates that it is clearly visible that the ones being religious are divorcing fewer times. So connect your spirits, connection can be eternal, after all love is a never ending story.

Law of attraction and psychological colours

2010-09-02T20:04:00.006+01:00

To follow up on my previous posts about orbiting planets around the sun, I will analyze orbiting colours further.

http://matiwinnetou.blogspot.com/2010/08/are-you-star-or-planet-and-why-you.html

There seems to be a natural order of orbiting. Some of you may have seen the movie - “the secret”. I don’t quite like this movie because there is too much voodoo thinking there. I believe in science more, in fact I believe in a both of both but that is another thing. I try to explain as much as possible up to a point of unknown. The reason I believe in theory of colours so much is because it has scientific explanation on brain level and is explainable by various levels of testosterone, dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin.

One thing I have observed over the years is that women and men are particularly attracted to certain type of women and men. While a lot has to do with the way a person looks like, a lot boils down to the psychology and what their combination of colours is. I noticed that both women and men like red and yellow types or blends, red + blue and yellow + green types. Green women and men are attracted to any other colour but with different intensity. I conclude that attraction moves from introversion to extroversion. That is why sometimes a yellow woman does not have to do anything, she automatically attracts all males and psychological types of males. She may think that law of attraction works but this is nothing else than attraction chemical attraction as well as general attraction. I am not sure whether yellow women are most genetically fit, but they certainly have the highest probability to carry a child. This is because of so many men are hitting to them, eventually one succeeds, pretty much like specimen and egg in nature. In fact, based on my studies I can conclude that a yellow woman has more probability to carry a child than a blue or green woman. I don’t know exact numbers. Evolution did protect blue/green men and women because differential colours have the highest probability to fall in love. Falling in love is up to certain point after which again natural desires kick in.

I can conclude based on what I have observed:

Green, Blue, Red and Yellow.

green desires blue, red, yellow.

blue desires red and yellow more than green.

red desires more yellow than blue and green.

yellow desires yellow more than red, blue and green.

Conclusions: yellow desires anything the least, thus women and men are the hardest to commit, green desires anything, therefore women and men are the easiest to commit to a relationship or a marriage. Commitment comes harder for men than women as well.

All colours desire yellow or red as long as they can connect with these colour spiritually, sexually anyhow really. Some men or women will reject a yellow/red girl or a boy because they cannot connect to that person. You can read more about connecting to colours in my other blog entry:

http://matiwinnetou.blogspot.com/2010/01/swimming-theory.html

Desiring more does not mean that one cannot be in a relationship or in fact love the inferior colour to oneself. It just means that eventually when initial excitement passes, they will miss the qualities to which they lean to. They may suppress that missing by applying wisdom and understanding that relationship with every colour has similar advantages and disadvantages.

Both women and men can break the commitment and leave their partner to the colours they desire more. It is hard to be judgmental here, because in the end it yields more happiness for them not necessarily for the person they leave. It is gambling for them as well because the outcome is unknown. The person that is left is often shattered and with broken heart. Yellow and Red women and men tend to leave more often than Blue and Green, this is because they are naturally more egoistic and are willing to take more risks. They are often amoral as well, thus they don't think about the pain they inflict to the other person.

From that you can also conclude who needs whom more, who is chasing whom. It is not 100% correct as maybe there are exceptions and age and level of intelligence has to do a lot with it as well but is a good basis to think about.

So when you hear: “Let’s be friends or it is not you, it is me” it has often a lot to do with subconscious psychological desires and that colour based law of attraction, eventually in the end nothing else than evolutionary forces of nature.

So as a guy or a girl you believe in mercy of a women which you desire and they don’t desire you, e.g. you are green, she is red or you are blue and she is yellow, then think again. Wetter also desired Lotta and it didn’t work out for him.

What can you do about it? Very little I think, if people have similar intelligence, age and looks, there is little to help it. What you can do is when you are a guy and you are older, wealthier, prettier, you can somehow override natural leaning colour order. I don’t know for how long. Falling in love can help you as long as both people fall in love as well. Up to a point, where magic of drugs disappears. It varies and usually disappears quicker for red and yellow than for blue and green types. They have the highest probability to end the relationship first.

From my observation the longest relationships are based around soul mates or spiritual connection of some sort but even that does not override natural order.

Men tend to be more powerful than men because naturally they are more arrogant but emotionally men are not necessarily more powerful than women. They resort more to arrogance and/or cheating than being able to handle emotions as well as women. They may be as shattered or even more after a break up than women. Again psychological strength of colours in love is important to understand it.

Another mistake that both men and women do is idealisation of both yellow and red. They are the most egoistic colours out there and in case of yellow often amoral in case of red very cruel. Idealisation is only up to a point where one is blind and cannot think sensibly and didn’t get to know this person well enough. Disappointment has to come. Therefore, it is fair to assume that if both men and women lean towards those colours it is because sexual energy leans there not the assumption that they are good people. If that assumption is in place, it is a wrong assumption because assumption is the mother of all... romantic disasters.

If you think about it, the whole world is based around exploitation of some sort but also balance. Psychological innate colours are therefore in this world to provide balance. It is amazing if you think about it. It doesn’t mean relationships will be successful, oh no, not necessarily.

You may draw a conclusion that I despise yellow and red a lot, calling them often egoists, etc. They are capable to acts of altruism, often unsolicited. If it just that I think blue and green people tend to be more altruistic than yellow and red. Maybe I am wrong.

Last but not least, at the end free will overrides absolutely anything, as long as you are strong enough to fight your feelings for someone.

Are you a star or a planet and why you should know which one you are.

2010-08-31T13:37:00.008+01:00

If you know physics and theory of gravity then you know that smaller planets orbit around bigger stars. In solar system, all planets orbit around the sun. If you think about it, it is very similar to the way evolutionary psychology and human relations work. If you give free will to both people in a any relationship what will happen is that one of them will have a better fitness function, will be stronger and another one will orbit around the stronger one. The one that orbits around usually loves less, therefore has to fight to stay in the gravitational field. The more he/she fights, the more the bigger object will want to get rid of him/her. The bigger object doesn’t care, for a bigger object you are just a pawn. The same thing happens when you join a big organization, you are just a cog in a machine. Company is bigger and more powerful than you are, so if you leave them nothing happens. You have to orbit around your boss. Of course, it is a mutual exchange, you work for the company to realize it’s objectives and you are paid for it. Once you are not necessary - you are made redundant. There is no mercy. In evolution and evolutionary psychology mercy is up to a point of fair mutual exchange between parties. Mercy in relationships is when there are feelings keeping people together or some very mundane aspects like a child together or some sort of common interests. Since feelings lasts only up to three years, this is the natural gravitational force that has to be used to commit for longer or most probably one will leave another. Think of this that when there is chemistry and soul connection nature gives you gravitational force of feeling to use it. However, as I stated one person orbits around another person. One person loves more, one person loves less. It makes complete and perfect sense from evolutionary point of view. Why would a better more powerful object seek a smaller object if it wasn’t necessary for a bigger object. Bigger object needs to want a smaller object to learn from them. It is true that a bigger object can learn from a smaller object as well but we humans tend not too appreciate it when the feeling is weaker as well.

So what traits should you have to be a bigger object, rather than a small one in a relationship? We all know it all to well: smart, rich, healthy, beautiful, having symmetrical shapes, charming, strong in non-verbal skills [like an actor] and some people may not know it but being naturally seductive [yellow+green type] is in demand. Last but not least, sharing the same love map, which is sometimes perceived as spiritual connection between two people - that can trigger falling in love.

It does not mean that you will always be a star or a planet in every relationship, in fact it keeps changing. You may be a star in one relationship and a planet in another. Again, it makes perfect sense because your fitness functions are relative and are different in different relations to people. A lot depends on age as well, that is why a woman should be younger because a man has a potential of being more powerful once he gets older. Enormously a lot depends on psychological type of a man, innate type. The conclusion is that from evolutionary point of view - women are actually more egoistic to choose one partner, where as men are more egoistic to try with many partners in case accidentally something works out. It often does, because another rule is that love that is not returned can be very strong, think of it that a guy tries with many females and accidentally he forgets to call back. For her it appears as affection or even love that is not returned. Accidentally, he may succeed. There is a moral aspect to it, why would you do that but what is a morality of a woman that leaves a smaller planet when she is the sun?

It turns out that women much prefer to be a smaller planet rather than a star. They want to orbit around the sun rather than a man orbit around them. Therefore, I actually strongly believe in patriarchal model of the family. What tends to happen is that a woman that does not orbit around the sun is unhappy and may decide to leave a man. She may not do that if she doesn’t have resources to do so, resources such as money. If she is too seek happiness in love, she may leave the smaller planet in the search for the Sun. Women are more irrational than men, therefore more rely on feelings than common sense, it is therefore more probable for a woman to leave a man that is a smaller planet than for a man to leave a woman. Having said that, the only way a man can keep a woman and make her happy in the process is to imprison her in her feeling of love to him rather than imprison her because she has no choice to leave him - no money, etc.

So what happens when as a guy you meet a woman that is too powerful - she is the big sun and you are a small planet. She will eventually reject you. Women that are suns also have a huge problem because often they are so powerful and so strong that it is hard for any man to compete with them. The man needs to be stronger than a woman for her too feel long term attraction. Short term attraction is somewhat different. Women use their feelings and other aspects to check for man's strength. It is all evolutionary psychology.

Bill Bryson wrote that probability for life in the universe is very very low. This is probably also the probability to meet a man and a woman of your dreams where all aspects are in order. Usually people don't, they have kids with different people they settle for long term relationship.

And now to cheer you up... an example of a relationship and orbiting between a man and a woman. Let's say a man is blue and green and woman is yellow and green. This is what happens:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVGzwj1A4QI

Hihi.. :) it is less funny when you have gravitational force :)

Imaginary - why reality always looses a fight with dreams

2010-08-29T07:33:00.003+01:00

Imaginary - why reality always looses a fight with dreams

Many people dream of perfect love, perfect life, the one when both lovers love each other equally - forever. Perfect life, where everyone is equal. We seek partners and we find out that it is not possible. We seek jobs and we see how nasty world of business can be from inside. It turns out that the ones looking for an ideal will always be disappointed. This is because a real person or world will always be less ideal than our imagination. Real person always looses a battle with an imaginary vision of the person. Therefore, one has to drop a vision of an ideal person as much as possible - to the point of mutal commitment. You and the world, you and the person.

The war begins: the duel of egos

2010-08-29T05:31:00.005+01:00

The war begins: the duel of egos, 01-08-2010

Assumptions
1. By default, love is a war because strong feelings and being hurt can lead to feelings of revenge
2. People are unable to fully love a person that doesn’t respect themselves
3. Perfect state of equilibrium is not easy among humans, either we are mean or generous, etc, we swing from one way to another rather than be perfectly in the middle

Now when you have feelings for someone, there will be many occasions for you to test whether the feeling you have for someone is stronger than your own pride and love of yourself. Always, you have a choice, you choose the feelings and the person or your ego. People have noticed that often men love bitches and women love bastards. Being a bastard or a bitch is more metaphorical here, they put themselves first, they show their ego is more important than their feelings to that person and ultimately that person for them. In the society govern by free will, the most humble way of despising someone is not wanting to meet them and spend time with them. Effect is similar to those less humble ways, it is just subtle.

Now imagine that both people have strong ego, this is a tricky situation because one person’s feelings need to be stronger than their ego to reconcile. In priest’s [always believe in merciful love] eyes the person that sort of “gives up” is a winner, but human beings perceive it differently. It appears as a weakness and no one likes weakness. Not on this world anyway, not in the world controlled by evolutionary forces. The person that has feelings stronger than their ego is almost in a defeated position. When hard time comes they will be the ones that will suffer more. It is almost like in such a potentially beautiful and over glorified thing like love - the one that loves more is a loser rather than a winner. Spiritually, in principle, he/she is a winner but practically a loser.

Historically, this was solved by inequality of women and men. A guy’s ego was always supposed to be stronger and woman was supposed to be submissive to a guy. Guy’s commitment was sought - not woman’s. That did leave guy in privileged position and often he did have affairs on a side because he knew the wife would always be there for him. It did not mean he would have to have affairs though.

When someone leaves us, we have a choice - shall we fight for that person or not. If we fight, then we devote our ego for feelings for that person. The person sees that and thinks.. ah, so you love me, they are happy by this initially but then they realize, they hey if you love me more than your feelings, that what about your ego and self-respect? This is when they may reach a conclusion that we don’t respect ourselves and actually this will cause them to stop loving us.
It is often the case, that people who actually love each other are apart. It does not mean they love each other equally or on fact need to spend time together. The worse is to threat someone you want to kill yourself, even though you may actually think your existence is futile and pointless. It does really feel this way, those are your thoughts, emotions. People commit suicide after a broken heart, this is not an illusion. They can leap from a bridge into the water, potentially fatal dip. Threatening to commit suicide doesn’t help to be loved back, in fact it has worse effect, we are completely not loved back in such case.

There are many tutorials on the Internet, how you should be horrible to a woman and to a man to be loved. If you start doing it consciously, it starts to be a concept of who will harm whom more. It starts to be sick. How could it be something you can desire? The problem is that like I wrote in the past, people cannot consciously control how bastardy their are or how horrible they are in the long term. That is why sometimes a good boy is a with a bad girl and a bad girl is with a good boy. Then they have kids and the boy is so bad that they actually cannot handle this anymore - they split. The father is hailed as a dickhead. There were many good guy - suitors - before the bad father. They were sent off, they were given a brush off, because they were not challenging, because they were too nice, because they were too good or because they pheromones were not right - meaning they smelled inappropriately! In a sense, we pay the price for our own choices. We pay the price of the way evolutionary biology works. When I like you, you like me but you smell badly for me sorry! If we only paid it, that wouldn't be too bad, children may pay it, and that is much worse. Those innocent children, at least they have a potential to fix in the future what we are unable to handle. Will they? Will they fix love? At the moment I very much doubt it, because in principle the way human brain operates would have to be altered.

In evolutionary sense this being bad is hard to explain, why would evolution favour bastards and bitches? After all, the probability for a bitch and a bastard to have a child is higher, probability for someone that is behaving badly and is gratified by an evolutionary privileged to pass on genes is somewhat strange to me. This is even scary. Often thank God, society and actually good principles bring up that child and a father or a mother are loosing the importance. It does raise concerns for the future of this, if psychologically, in principle and and on high level, this is flawed so much. This also leaves room for artificial insemination as a way to fix a flawed nature. Very shocking idea. Jennifer Aniston has been trying this recently...

Love is a loosing game
This is a song by Amy Winehouse and it is so much true, it ends up being a game, a war, a duel - initially, because there is always an ego - your ego against your feelings to that person. Both people keep trying themselves over days, months, years and check their level of feelings vs ego to other person. Eventually, naturally one person looses, because by a tiny bit they loose interest in that person. That tiny bit often means - I mean fine without you, if you leave me - I don’t care anymore. The older people are the more prepared they are to live on their own but with dignity and respect - with their ego in a good shape.

What are the factors to win the war naturally without being too horrible?
Natural factors are your natural charm abilities, being able to smile, being able to deceive your real emotions, being Yellow and green person - in case of a woman or a man, they are usually models, most sought after women - alpha females or males, being fit, being pretty [symmetrical shapes] and last but not least being smart.

Free will in love is flawed for equality of love
You can read more about freedom in love in one of my previous entries:
http://matiwinnetou.blogspot.com/2010/08/freedom-in-life-and-relationships-is-it.html

Possible combinations of feelings and ego between two people:
Both egos - version 1 Ego follows another ego through their feelings
When one person and their ego is weaker than their feelings to another person, they will follow or chase that person. The other person notices it and may stop to respect that person. This is because that means they have stronger feelings then their own ego. They may let the person to humiliate their ego for the feelings that they have.
In this situation another person will be with another person only as long as they are not fed up with them really. The follower is at mercy of the person that is followed.

Both egos - version 2 two egos go separate ways
When both egos are stronger than the feelings that they have to their partners, they may choose to go their own separate ways. Both people realize that their egos are stronger, thus it means they value themselves more than the person they have feelings for. This is sort of a pride and prejudice scenario - where both lovers love themselves but they won’t be together due to pride and strong ego that they have. In this situation they may actually reconcile and get back again and they most probably are going to miss each other although with somewhat different intensity. When the time passes, things change, feelings change and they may start missing again. This will be the case up to a moment when they will have a fight, disagreement or whatever reason that will hurt either of the egos, when the previous reason they had split comes back.

Equilibrium in love is very hard, so hard that I doubt it is even possible. There are people that are rich and the ones that are poor, we often moan about it. We dream of equality. Somehow, we think love and relationships is exempt from inequality and that perfect imaginary equilibrium can be achieved. It may appear this way, this is because feelings cannot be easily measured. There is no scale to put feelings, commitment on and check levels. It is not countable. If there was such a thing, I very much doubt that both people would ever end up equally committed and loving each other.

Why is this so hard to see? You may ask. Initially, the fighting is invisible, you talk about stuff, exchange ideas, it appears equal - actually for both people it is equal. It can feel amazing from day one. Over time, however, subtleties come out, missed expectations, wrong assumptions and projections we had stand a test of time. Thus, the only perfect love is an imaginary love, love of dreams, because in dreams unlike in reality everything is possible. As a Software Engineer by profession, I only believe in working things and equality of feelings doesn’t work in real life in love.

Praying to God or any other external force will not help you to be loved back equally what it may change if you are religious is the commitment of the person that doesn't need you as much as you do.

So why people believe in often ridiculous and impossible ideas like perfect and pure love? This is because believing in a notion of something perfect will shield them from the cruelty of existence. It is better to live in a dream than in cruel reality. Living in a cruel reality removes all sensitivity that you may have. Dreams are better :)

Why to be with a yellowy girl you have to be a prick, liar and a dickhead and they like it without knowing about it

2010-08-28T14:47:00.005+01:00

Why to be with a yellowy girl you have to be arrogant, liar and a dickhead and they like it without knowing why

Someone may ask a question, why do I keep blogging about this stuff. Well, this is because no one actually told me any of this when I was a child. It would have helped to explain certain behaviour of other people towards me. I had to study psychology and observe life and think and think and think...

The title is a bit ironic. You don’t have to lie and smart yellow girls [very few - sorry] usually settle in the long term for good boys but lying and deception is for them a very important part of seduction process that works. It really depends what they want, if they want commitment, they prefer blueish/greenish boys, if they want love games and have fun and lovers around, they much prefer naughty Red or Red/blue and Yellow/green boys.

Yellow girls/boys are the hardest to get in the long term actually, this is because they are the hardest to commit to anything serious for the long term. This is quite sexy and exciting. Now, yellow people as an anthropologist author Helen Fischer writes have somewhat biased moral system to their own needs. Everyone is egoistic but naturally they are more than let’s say moral blue people. That means they will often resort to lying to get something and have fewer moral problems about it. For instance, do you recall tv adverts, where a handsome guy is walking and then a girl accidentally falls so he can come to help her. This is a typical yellowish behaviour, where a lie is used to seduce a person. Lie is important in love games for yellowy people. Another example of yellowish behaviour is torture, also to seduce. Being sweet and horrible in short time intervals. It does not have to be done consciously - but can be done unconsciously and usually is. If for a yellow girl that is a normal behaviour, and sometimes morally justified in their own value system [when they play love games] - that means theoretically she should accept that behaviour towards her as means to seduce her. She often does but sometimes keeps moaning about it, she says: “all men are liars” but on other occasions she does, in fact, not lying is considered to be a failure. An example is when a guy tries to approach a girl and tells her she is beautiful and amazing and would like to have her phone number. That is a FAIL straight away. There is no game and game is the part of seduction process. If he asks for a way somewhere then it is ok. In fact, she should only accept those that don’t lie from the beginning because those innocent lies with turn into real lies in the future. That would also mean that everyone on streets would be asking for phone numbers and it is not socially acceptable. I am glad actually it is not in a way because one important part of relationships is a conscious commitment, therefore a person needs to consciously want to date when they are available.
It wouldn’t be bad if lies were only used for seduction purposes but the problem is that once someone has indeed biased moral system they tend to get confused and perhaps lie about issues they should not lie about. That leads us to another problem, the exploitation of victim’s complex by treating some person badly. Everyone has complexes, even the most amazing people so any person’s ego can be hurt and exploited.

Since evolutionary psychology works so much, we tend to love people that want us the least. This means that the best boy or a girl in our thinking process is the one that runs away from us the most. Needless to say, people are not together in such case or for a few moments only, mostly living separately. This only happens when we want them a lot, because otherwise we don’t care. It means that the best possible manipulation and exploitation can be done when people actually have very strong feelings, emotions and connection to each other. This is when the game CAN begin [does not have to]. The older people are the less they want to play games and want games to be played upon but some of them never stop actually. Why? Because it works, it hurts as well, so sadists often do that.
Sometimes you may spot a yellowish girl likes you is when she flirts with everyone, EXCEPT YOU. This is typical behaviour actually. It appears as though you are the least important but in fact you were the most. This is deception and yellow people resort to deception very often. The thing about deception is that one from another can only be differentiated by intuition and ability to read body language communication and tiny little messages. That is very hard and yellow people know it well. That is because they actually sometimes really mean they don’t care about you at all.

The former behaviour of flirting with everyone except you - is a TOTAL lie and as I said many times yellowy people are natural liars, it just comes to them naturally. That does not mean they lie all the time, it is just easy for them to be poker facing people and lying when they decide to do so. This comes to them easily because acting skills are in their nature, they are masters of their body language, unlike blue people that are unable to hide their emotions as well as yellowy people. Yellowy people are also very spontaneous, so they will lie without you knowing when. No chance to predict anything because there is no prediction, even they don’t know sometimes how they will act, they rarely plan it! Yellowy people make decisions in their life based on conscious and subconscious thinking. When it is subconscious I am starting to think that yellowy [explorers] may be perfect number generators. This is because this is a subconscious process. As a IT digression it is well known, however, that human conscious number generation process is not perfectly random.

In a relationship a yellowish woman can be unhappy in two ways actually:
1. she is with a guy she doesn’t fancy that much - that is good and kind to her and doesn’t want to play games with her,
2. she is with a guy that despises her, lies to her and treats her badly, potentially eventually cheating on her or dumping her,

Yellowish girl is more likely to choose no 1, when she doesn't have money and a child that needs to be brought up, provided that a guy is not a total wimp. She will most likely choose no 2, when she has no child and perhaps he will slit up with him after some time or for some other reasons this will finish. So in evolutionary psychology the goodness is not favoured anyhow. In society yes, we punish the cheaters and liars a lot [there is judicial system and social norms] but in evolutionary psychology they get a reward, naturally, provided that they are sexually attractive, know how to manipulate and are masters of their body language, etc. Their gens get passed to next generation. One example I remember is when one girl I know got confused and acted bitchy to me even though there was absolutely nothing between us. I disliked her totally. This was a FAIL for me straight away. I applied social norms because I didn’t idealize or like her or anything. Lady GAGA sings that yellowy girls should start playing games when “he is hooked up”. I wasn’t hooked up so she failed as well. She wouldn’t have failed if I trusted her and loved her. So now you understand why to trust a human being is so hard, it is the hardest between women and men. These things often work out in the longer term, so first, second or a third day may show signs of romantic equality. Very pretty and blissful moments to be honest, very deceptive. Eventually that equality is broken, either way.
The way to spot who someone really is when how they behave towards members of their family, this is because they don’t have to fight for their love, they will be who they are. Horrible things can be seen, like scolding, shouting and quarrelling, etc. Even that is not that simple, because in certain cultures it is socially acceptable to behave like this. In fact it is expected. I am thinking of Italian culture in particularly.

It is not hard to imagine why almost all romantic guys in Romantism have failed to seduce women - because they were too good and they could/did not want to play love games. They didn't know much about evolutionary psychology back then.

Freedom in life and relationships - is it the ultimate perfection or fundamentally flawed idea?

2010-08-14T16:11:00.008+01:00

Freedom in life and relationships - is it the ultimate perfection or fundamentally flawed idea?

Are you truly free? No one is truly free actually. Even, the tramp, the person that seems to be the most free is trapped in his body that owns him. People dream of being free and many of us in the western society cannot imagine a different life then the one governed by actions of free will. Needless to say, certain actions in your life can be free. In fact, to be imprisoned is considered to be one of the worst things. You go to jail when you do bad things - it is a punishment.

Freedom is only helpful to those that know how to use it sensibly and somewhat troublesome for the ones that don’t know what they want. For people that don’t know what they want, freedom gives an ability to try things, make mistakes and learn from them. Have you ever heard an expression that grass is always green on the other side? I am sure, you have, it is a fairly popular saying. It means that we often tend to think that something else will give us more happiness than status quo. This thinking is somewhat flawed, often what we cannot imagine is a new set of problems that we will encounter on the other side. Some of them obviously are impossible to imagine, some of them, however, are foreseeable. It is often lack of imagination of negative aspects of grass on the other side that makes us fall into a trap that the current state is bad and all will be sorted when we change. What tends to happen is that we do swap problems, we eliminate certain problems and we encounter new ones. When we actually swap a better state for worse state, we may be tempted to go back. Sometimes it is possible, sometimes the doors are closed, so we have to factor that while making decision to move on.

Concept of freedom starts to be really properly complicated when it is analyzed in relationships. I have been analysing how freedom is somehow flawed in this area. Some time ago I reached a conclusion that relationship is like a way together towards the same destination. There are many ways, forks, junctions, crossings, with different people walking there but both people choose the same path to walk on. That is act of free will but also this act is an act of eliminating parts of own freedom. Both people cannot be truly free when they are together. It is an imprisonment. The most beautiful kind of imprisonment is when someone enslaves oneself out of free will. We already know that imprisonment can be considered to be a punishment, that is why some people actually want to be free. One can ask a question - what keeps people together then, so that they devote the most precious thing they have - freedom. People do it because of feelings, spiritual connection of some sort and last but not least ability to “dope” chemistry of another person through intimate encounters. I think many people thousands of years ago have noticed how freedom in relationships can be flawed for both people to stay together in the long term. Women are best known to be undecided and not knowing what they want, men are infamous for cheating because naturally they just love to spread semen around and their brain is easily turned on by new sexual objects. There have been numerous ways of fixing it - in almost every culture. In Indian culture, parents choose the groom for their daughter, in christian culture, marriage is considered to be - to the grave - no matter what. It makes sense if you think about it - problems will have to come, frustrations will appear, an initial enthusiasm will wear out, chemistry will weaken as apparently according to research people can be in love chemically only up to three years. The only ideal relationship is the one that is in your head, in your imagination, where you cannot imagine potential problems. As a small digression, vivid imagination is one of the most important components of falling in love, when you idealize person to be more perfect than they actually are. When you see flaws straight away, that is a killer. So people that are most likely to fall in love a few times in their lifetime are the ones that have actually vivid imagination.

We humans, undeniably, are partially animals. Animals mate everywhere and when you look at mating habits of mammals, you can clearly see that relationships between female and male have not been devised or engineered to favour time and “couples” don’t stay together in the long term. Time is not a necessary component for offspring to be born and raised. Cubs grow up and move on. There was no other hidden agenda, the only need is for the offspring to be born and survive up to a point of mating again. Having said that, marriage, long relationships between humans are somewhat artificially created because they have not been designed by evolutionary forces. In practise what that means is that often if you do indeed crave for long term relationship you will have to face inevitable problems and changing nature of a relationship. A recent trend of more popular divorces and in a sense collapse of marriage that will only be broken by death of one or both spouses is the realisation of the trend to be as long as you want to be and then move on with life to experience new thrills. If you think about it, it is going back to evolutionary roots and baking on nature - evolutionary gift - chemistry of love. That means you are a good on a market that has to sell, in case of woman, has to be young, fertile, educated, smart, etc and in case of a man rich, tall and clever. You have to be somewhat capable - healthy, no go for ugly, fat or disabled people really. That is why what you may notice is abundance of many females over 50 on dating columns in newspapers that have a few responses and a “full voice inbox” of the ones between 20 and 35. It is the way nature operates. It gets harder for a woman to be inseminated and give birth to a healthy child once she is over 35. It is not a coincidence that women tend to marry around age of 35, this is when they slowly start to realize that their time as heart breakers and guys tripping each other to get the beautiful ones is soon to be over.

Modern relationship, one without rules known in religious cultures resembles working in a company, applying for a job in a company and being interviewed for a job. In this case, both people do interview themselves. I often hear that people change jobs every now and then, it is because they cannot progress, because they want more money, because their boss is a bully, etc. It is uncommon to find somebody working for one company more than 3 years these days and even if they do, they are usually already quite bored and thinking of changing. Sometimes they cannot change, sometimes it is not easy, etc but they already start thinking of changing. Thinking is the beginning of leaving.

Relationship can be considered to be like working in the same company. Company has certain goals and there is always a political element to it and as we have already established you have to devote parts of your freedom for cooperative reasons. Why do you wake up every day to go to work? Is it because you want to change the world? Maybe for some people it is the case, until they notice flaws and dark aspects of companies, they fact that they are just a fungible resource for them. Sooner or later a wonderful boss will be mood, sooner or later frustration and complications will appear. In fact the longer we work for a company the more flaws and imperfections we tend to see. All this beauty is gone then and people think about - money when they wake up every day to go to work. They think about the bills to pay and their tummy that burps, craving for food. That means that we are not motivated by anything extraordinary but very mundane - thing - money. The longer we are in a relationship, the more flaws we tend to notice. If there is nothing mundane that our ego may want and that relationship provides, it is not hard to imagine that one person or both people may go separate ways. In the same way, we would not work for company that is imperfect. An initial period in the company - the honeymoon period is a perfect period, because you cannot see flaws, of course there are flaws, you just cannot for-see future problems. That state is a blissful state actually. The same happens in a real relationship - when there are problems, people often split - thinking that grass will be greener with another person. The problem is that actually sometimes it is. Therefore people tend to gamble, literally, they gamble they relationship for the potential of another relationship - if they are lucky to be with someone else, someone that can provide them with more resources, more options, more happiness. Some people think it is morally wrong to do so, but morality and ego’s own egoistic paths are somewhat different concepts.

The most successful couples and as the most successful I mean the ones that stay together for long time are the ones that do so out of some sort of political need or something that boils down to very mundane aspects. Good example is when a wife is with a husband because she doesn’t work and has to look after children. She cannot really easily leave the husband because it will be hard if not impossible for her to provide for children on her own. Others stay together because they want to bring up the child together and a child needs a parent, Christians stay together for better or worse because it would be an act against God’s will to do otherwise, Indians stay together because their parents have chosen that for them. Women marry wealthy men because they want security. That is why to really know that someone wants to be with you is to make both people completely free - without any socioeconomic ties. This is when you find the real answer - in most cases very brutal. One person eventually can and wants to live without another person and prefers freedom over imprisonment of relationship.

People who experienced love, often know that it can get close to feelings of hatred, this love and hatred as emotions are very close. Ambivalent feelings of love and hatred are not uncommon. hatred is very liberating for us when we are angry with that person. From my observation over time hatred is gone and usually turns itself in either indifference or actually feelings of love. Why is this important in the context of freedom, it is very actually. When you do capture your state of mind when you feel hatred all you want is so be apart from that person. You want freedom because that imprisonment is too painful.

Knowing what one wants may be harder than one thinks. We go from school to school, often without knowing what we want to do with our life, it is not uncommon that pure coincidence decides rather than our free will. In a very distant past, the profession was often passed from generation to generation, there was not as much choice as now. A blacksmith father passed skills to a blacksmith son, in Indian culture once you were born in certain cast, you stayed in that cast. Lack of freedom could be, paradoxically, liberating because the pain of over analysing and thinking about other options was gone, taken out of thinking process so one could focus on other aspects.

It is well known that people seek themselves in another person, yet someone who is a bit different. Why would they want to be with themselves only if they have themselves all the time? What tends to happen is that while they do indeed enjoy the qualities of another person that they lack, they may not accept an inevitable component, the vices that come along with that package. in addition, people are problem solvers, so we tend to focus not on good aspects but aspects that are bad - that require resolution. A minor problem can therefore grow to an enormous size and can be lost in the context of other parts working fine. Thus, a split and use of one’s freedom seems to be unavoidable in such cases, and mostly when there are no socioeconomic ties. I do seriously question reckless thinking of people when they do split based on trivial issues.

Another path that one may choose is to be with someone, not because there are God wishes that or parents have chosen but because since it is good for a child to have a biological father and mother. It is then much more probable for people to split when they have no child together.

The reason I wrote this is because you can think through what kind of life you want to lead. The path that you choose, will have advantages and disadvantages. You will make that decision yourself - without any coercion. I do not endorse particular style of life I just show their good and bad things so you can make your own decisions. Last but not least - I do have my own opinion of how I want to lead my life but I wouldn't be able to tell anyone 100% how they should live - this very much depends on who they are and what their ideals are.

Frustration of the giver

2010-08-10T20:13:00.004+01:00

I haven't blogged for a while. Mostly because no one reads my blog and if someone does, then some people think it is full of non-sense. Perhaps it is actually. It is my non-sense after all.

Frustration of the giver is not something that I am thinking of right now, right now I have different ideas going through my head. This one is quite old and well understood by me so I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it.

Frustration of the giver happens when one person bestows another person and another person does not understand or appreciate that bestowing. It creates a frustration in the person that bestows. E.g. someone tells someone else the story, the story is interesting for another person but not as much as the person telling the story expects. This causes frustration, potentially even anger. Why is this happening? This is happening because we tend to think that things that we like someone else likes, sometimes when we like certain music we cannot even imagine why somebody else would like something else. Everyone is unique and when I say unique I completely mean it, people try to search for their soul mate, the only perfect soul mate for yourself is YOU. Anyone else will be different, this may be subtle but eventually the more you get to know someone the more you will notice those tiny subtle differences.

There are two possible scenarios that can happen. One when the person realizes that what other person has noticed or the story the are telling is actually quite interesting and eventually they start paying more attention, another one, they get bored more and more.

When a story is told by a manager as part of work, then we feel obliged to listen but in personal relationships we don't. Personal relationships unlike work relationships are based on free will. We are friends with someone because we want to not because we are financially dependent. That is much more problematic. Free will is much more complex. Such relationships are much more prone to frustration because people have moods, people are different, people don't have to do something, etc. I will focus on what to do in cases where it is a free relationship - personal relation. The tricky one.

In personal relation in my opinion the giver should not be angry with the person that doesn't pay attention. It is because, they may not be actually interested in that stuff. It creates pain for us, more pain for the person that gives then the one that receives. It is not worth it. We may see someone in the future if they may want to listen to it but primarily we should just stop giving. If giving is not appreciated, it is not worth the effort and the hassle. We are all different, the other person may be telling us something that we may not find interesting. Who is wrong, who is right? What is more interesting? There is no such thing as more or less interesting.

Last but not least, it is actually possible that the other person does appreciate our "bestowing" but does not provide feedback. It stays in them, they consume the gifts and don't return anything back. This can also cause big frustration as the person that gives is not in a privileged position. Again, if the person doesn't want to appreciate our efforts, it is probably better to stop giving. But it is not worth to be angry. At least, I don't think so. Anger, however, may be a natural response. Natural emotion.

You, You and You.

2010-04-22T21:09:00.005+01:00

Are you afraid to be alone? Were there people in your life that left you? I think everyone was left at some point. We thought we were important and eventually we were left on our own. That can be done in number of ways. Do you need others to know your true value? Well, most people need. Unfortunately, it can be easily exploited by someone. The best way to avoid emotional manipulation from someone is to learn to be alone and happy about it. That way, you will not be at anyone's mercy. I don't think it is easy, in fact I think it is very difficult. It is somewhat natural for introverts but for extroverts it must be really really hard. They need other people to feel comfortable all the time. Having lived for a long time I have noticed that people have tendencies to exploit our weaknesses once they find them out. In that sense extroverts have a really hard job because they are constantly exposing themselves and therefore are vulnerable to be hurt. They need others.

To your great surprise dear reader, I have found that there are very few people in my life that at some point didn't want to trick me, fool me or use me. People are really cruel, so to be at their mercy can be a real hell.

There are precious friends and precious friends are hard to find. That is why I had to learn to be happy about my solitude so that no one will be able to exploit me and use that against me. I recommend that for you dear reader as well.

You have been unfriended!

2010-04-15T21:36:00.007+01:00

Have you ever been unfriended on Facebook? I have. It happens to anyone at some point in their life. I don't recall unfriending anyone, for me it is very serious.

Some people do not realize consequences of unfriending, other people do not understand potential reasons that someone unfriends us. There are many many reasons.

Social network sites such as facebook raise visibility - it is clear who is our friend and who is not our friend. Unfriending someone more or less means we do not want to hear from that person or we don't care or both. It is almost like blocking someone, thus it has far reaching consequences. Your friends are the people you trust, obviously friends are not equal, some are closer some are remote. Considering that most people have at least a few remote friends on facebook unfriending someone is eliminating someone from a group of remote friends as well. It is potentially like saying, you are more remote than my most remote friends.

Unfriending does not mean there is something wrong with you, sometimes it can mean that the person who unfriends you needs to sort out their life. They may be going though a crisis and you are not helping them to resolve their problems. They unfriend you not to hurt you but to help themselves.

Unfriendsing someone can sometimes trigger very serious lack of self esteem, especially among teenagers. They may not understand why they have been unfriended and they loose respect for each themselves. A person unfriending it, may actually be aware of this. Emotional torture is a concept well known to some people as in a skilled manipulator emotional torture can lead to so called victim's complex and feeling of inferiority and submissiveness. Unfriending someone is like giving them feedback, they they do not deserve to be our friends. A person that has been unfriended may think... but why... what do I have to do to be your friend... etc.

Some people tend to send messages and ask why they have been removed. I don't do that. I especially don't do that when I have a suspicion that this person may be a control freak and also may want to practice emotional torture. In special situations, I may ask them but I would have to be sure they don't want to play any mind tricks with me. Unfriending someone puts you in a privileged position, it is like breaking up a relationship. No one wants to be dumped, people feel superior when they dump. Similar psychological mechanism.

For me being unfriended by someone is fairly serious, it is like being removed from a circle of friends that they trust. It means our destiny, whether we live or we die is irrelevant to that person. If means they don't care if we are sick or how we are feeling. You can imagine how much it can hurt, when you have loved that person. It is not "let's be friends", it is "I don't care what happens to you." Unfriending someone that have loved us or loves us is the most cruel and vicious thing we can do to them. Just don't if you care for human beings. If you want to do it for yourself, then think about the consequences of your action for another person before you press that button.

I have heard that people unfriend to ease their own pain, when they have loved someone very much, they cannot stand looking at that person anymore. I think it is ok to do that once you notify that person, otherwise it is again cruelty in disguise. Just my opinion, who cares anyway?

Conjecture based reasoning

2010-04-07T20:26:00.003+01:00

It turns out that a person can create a world about another person entirely based on it's own thinking isolated from real life or any verification. When we lack information we have to think about possibilities. We have to think what another person thinks. We could do it for number of reasons but there is no harm in doing it in order to protect ourselves. What if they are lying? What if they want to hurt us, etc? During that process, depending on complexity of our brain we can create a whole new world about a certain person without him or her realizing it. The problem is that, this is often based on pure conjecture. Conjecture based reasoning is really hard. If it is done without historical data about a person, for example, if they have lied to us before and we have detected that lie or they told us, we tend to loose trust. If it is based on a moment, emotion, then conjecture based thinking can create an entirely false perception of another person. How to verify it? You can talk to a person and ask them if this is something they meant. They can lie to you though. This is very hard and many people do fail and draw completely wrong conclusions from conjecture based reasoning about someone.

Why You Should Date an Ethical Veggie Person

2010-02-08T22:05:00.018Z

As you may know love can be war, people constantly fight for dignity and respect. It turns out that people can use very sophisticated psychological weapons to fight. Most of them are horrible, the idea is to control, humiliate and hurt the partner and "to teach them a good lesson". People want to be respected and loved back so often they think that they should be horrible because not many people can appreciate happiness in the purest form.

It turns out that the best way to avoid pain is to date an ethical vegetarian person. If they are unlikely to hurt an animal and cause pain, it is highly likely they will avoid playing any love games that will result in you suffering. If they cause you suffering, this is either because they are crazy [or a veggie impostor] or because they did it accidentally without realizing consequences. It is good to ask them about the intentions of something that caused you pain and suffering. You have to hope they are not lying.

Ethical veggie people have high moral standards and that is something of utmost importance. It is because prolonged hurting and despising has to lead to a break up or lack of love. IMHO only harmony in the long term can lead to long term success of relationship. I used to think that fights from time to time are healthy but now I don't think so, at least not for me. I think short separation to miss another person may do just fine as people tend to freak out when they are too happy. They create problems, when there are not problems and everything is fine. Good example of that is popularity of soap operas, some people lack problems so at least they live through problems of others. BTW. I hate soaps!

Mind you that there is actually an important difference between an ethical veggie and a person that is vegetarian for their own reasons [like health]. The ones that are veggies for health only do not count. This is because they are not altruistic in their choice.

It is important to remember that of course one does not have to be an ethical veggie and still not do all the horrible things I have mentioned. It is just that probability for an ethical veggie is lower to do all the messy stuff. A non ethical veggie has a higher probability to be more of an egoist in relationship than an altruist. Pure altruism does not work in love either, it is a marriage of both, but I would say a bit more altruism than egoism should be practiced.

Potential moral code of an ethical veggie [happens to be mine actually as well]:
1. I will not go to a party and photograph myself with all women except for the one I love just to show that person how much I don't give a F**k about them,
2. I will not try to despise another person to become superior over them,
3. I will not try to intentionally hurt them when they do action that does hurt me [war leads only to a war],
4. I will not consciously play on someone's feelings by making them jealous, which can be painful for them,
5. I will protect myself, my individuality and my beliefs but in a way to absolutely minimize suffering of the other person. Using WISDOM, diplomatic, calm, relaxed talk and silence as a support in that,
6. I will not lie to them to try to win something because I think lying is the only way,
7. I will not try to own and posses a person, a person is not a pet and pets deserve respect as well,
8. I will love a person like if it were a dog, a dog does not try to control the owner so a human being should never try to control another human being, dogs are the hardest to love because it may appear as they don't respect themselves. This is actually not true, dogs do selection who they love as well, and they love is not always required but they are submissive "to have a piece of mind".
9. If a human being enslaves themselves for us, it is because they trust us to know what we are doing but with the great power comes great responsibility,
10. I will doubt my actions as only a fool does not doubt what is right or wrong in such complex topic like human relations.

Silence.

2010-01-31T16:52:00.026Z

Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence

A few basic facts about silence. I wrote some time ago that silence has no meaning, it is the meaning you attach to the silence. I used to think that silence is harmless, but now I know it is far from harmless, silence can hurt you as the meaning you attach can be painful. Lack of response can mean a lot of things. Examples:

1. They didn't get your message,
2. They got it but they didn't have time to respond,
3. They did get it but they don't like something about what you wrote and they need to digest it,
4. They are controlling you and they want to show you how they despise you in a subtle way, so subtle that it is hard to detect,
5. They are simply lazy,
6. The response to you did not get past their own cost to value function, time is precious and response can be precious as well. People protect their time when they value themselves,
7. They are not feeling well and they need to be alone now,
8. They are afraid of the emotional bond with you as it can potentially tie them to you and you become emotionally defendant on that bond with them [which can be dangerous]
9. Paying less attention to the one that makes an increasing number of mistakes [in the mindset of the person receiving the message - therefore they fight with their moral code]
10. Assumption that other person does want to hurt us and we do not trust honest intention of that person. Awareness for potential deceitful behaviour that another person can perform, when they say one thing and mean another thing. This can be either concious or subconcious. When it is concious it is manipulation and lying when it is subconcious it is egoism, just what is their ratio between egoism and altruism.

It is important that it can be a combination of some of these, they are not in isolation. When you don't respond they don't know which one is which one, when you don't get response you have no idea either. All of these things mean that sometimes people keep communication rather to minimum I would say. It is not nice to think if you will ever get response. People cherry pick relationships in their life that they want to continue and maintain as there needs to be value for them that is higher than pain associated with all the things related to silence I have mentioned and potential pain coming out of words that they send you.

For a smart person lack of response usually means that they think there is something they should think about. This is the right approach but one should be patient to wait for response as well. It is important to reflect on potential interpretation of words that you have sent to them. Remember that the same information can be interpreted in a few different ways for different people and even at different times of their life or day.

Silence is excellent if you want to control someone, and indeed many control freaks use that weapon. They can control you with their silence, this is especially true when you need them somehow and you wait for their response. This should not be done unless that person has done something really bad then since you are a free human being you are not obliged anyhow to respond. Your response to the person is your respect for that person but it is also your free will, something you can do and no one can force you to do so, as you should remember to protect your own objectives and yourself.

It is complex, isn't? Silence itself is not complex, it is there, we - human beings are complex.

The Mirror Theory

2010-01-26T21:35:00.008Z

I found that in my life I like people who are like me, people that share similar values. It sounds obvious doesn't. You see, in my mirror theory when you look at the person the rays reflect in their eyes and either go back to you or they deflect. People are narcissists, they like people who are like them. People also have a tendency to fall in love in slightly different shade of their own reflection, yet not too different.

This theory has a different perspective as well. It turns out that sometimes people might accuse you of doing something or behaving in a way in which they behave. In this theory they see themselves in your eyes but it is more based on conjecture than real life. It is especially true when they don't know you and they try to figure you out and you do something that only appears to be as you are like that. This theory is based on the fact that the same information can be interpreted in a completely different way, depending on the person that sees that. People perceive reality through literally and metaphorically different eyes. There is a lot of common perception but a lot differs as well. Therefore, it is important to look at a human being in a wider perspective over a longer period of time rather than to jump to concussions straight away.

Human relations and metadata

2010-01-23T15:19:00.004Z

One of the primary reason that people misinterpret intentions of messages that people send to each other when they talk is lack of metadata. In computer programming metadata is data about data, usually that describes that original data. When we are scolded or told off especially we don't know what is the intention of that message is, does a person want to just tell us what they are telling us or there is a hidden meaning behind it, to put us down, to control us emotionally, etc, something bad in general. The way to combat this is to trust a human being and know that their intentions are good. It turns out that the trust is really difficult and most people have and should have problems with trust. Trust is something that one should develop over time despite that sometimes you might initially just trust someone without knowing why. You might not be aware but your subconsciousness can trust without your awareness. Unfortunately, even though you might be trained in psychology to spot someone untrustworthy, remember that their moral code might be different than yours, therefore it is not like they lie to you, they just have different opinions about something. Find out what their opinions are. There are three ways to lie without actually lying, one is when one does not know what one wants, another one is to have different opinion about something and third one is when one is crazy :). A drastic example is for instance, when someone cheats on you but they think that polygamous relationships are fine. They are not lying, are they, they have just different perspective and opinion to the one that you have, assuming you believe in monogamous relationships.

Last but not least, at some point in our lives we misinterpreted someone's intention and someone has misinterpreted our intention. A lot boils down to an emotional inteligence but also other factors are important, such as the fact that you may have different backgrounds with the person you talk, different bringing up, and yet different soul. Soul is the least tangible but it turns out that often people that are unable to communicate well are the people who somehow are very different "internally", they don't get on very well because their souls do not match. It is not very rational and hard to explain to talk about soul incompatibility so I am not surprised if you cannot comprehend it, I hardly can, if I can. It is more of my gut feeling than something that can be empirically verified.

Swimming Theory

2010-01-17T15:27:00.004Z

Blue = colour of wisdom (introverted)
Green = colour of harmony and friendship (introverted)
Yellow = colour of smiling, happiness (extraverted)
Red = colour of action (extraverted)

It should occur between any human relations but obviously in partner relationships one perhaps should make more effort. The theory means that people should swim to other colours for that person. I call it swimming to each other [perhaps because I like swimming] :) but obviously it is a metaphor. It is rather mindset teleporting I would say. If you are a certain colour and your partner is opposite colour or adjacent colour, then by swimming to his/her primary colour you are able to connect with him or her in a better way. Obviously there are many ways to connect with a human being and the most effective and difficult one at the same time is a spiritual connection. For day to day relationships the best way to connect is to swim to someone's primary colour. For instance, if you are blue and the person is yellow, then smile for that person. If that person is yellow and they want to connect to you, the best way is surprisingly to be sad from time to time rather than laugh all the time without any apparent reason. Blue people do not like when people smile for no reason and for yellow people smile is so natural that it is like the default mode of operation. Then we can elaborate on it a bit, so if you are blue, you much prefer to write than to use voice communication, if you are yellow, then you much prefer voice and non-verbal communication as you are able to read more about that person using non-verbal channels. Therefore yellow people should write letters to blue people and blue people should call yellow people more often. That way two sides are continously doing something together to find a common connection. Another important thing is to find a matching colours, if I am blue and green [which is true by the way] and if someone is yellow and green, we connect on green colour. This means that colour of friendship and harmony is our common colour. When I am blue and green and I meet someone who is red and blue, then I can connect on blue with that person, which will mean that we will reflect and talk about intelectual topics [wisdom]. That does not mean I cannot smile and they cannot, that would be silly but what that mean it is that blue is connecting us therefore we can hold on to each other in that relationship based on that common colour.

Obviously human being are more complex than just one or two colours, they have different hobbies. Connecting and swimming based on someone's hobby can be finding what they are doing interesting, what turns them on. Needless to say, one should be honest about it. Being fake will be short term and through non-verbal channels they will detect that sooner or later.

People don't like when people swim to colours that are not their colours. For instance, if you are yellow you probably love to travel, if a blue person starts to talk about philosophy with you, this will put you off and you will be considered boring. If you want to travel as a yellow person with a blue person, they might not enjoy it as much as you think, second of all - since they are introverted and take energy from themselves rather than other people and places - the travelling might be exhausting for them.

You treat me like a princess

2010-01-08T17:43:00.004Z

You treat me like a princess and I am not used to liking that.... - Alanis Morissette.

Alanis Morissette - Head Over Feet

It appears as though certain women do not want to be treated like princesses. Initially, I was really puzzled and did not understand this, now I understand a little bit more. It appears as though certain women - usually very popular and the ones that men fall for realize that men are often idealizing them and they themselves know that they are not perfect and they need to grow or be accepted the way they are [which often can be very hard for a guy]. They cannot grow next to a man that is idealizing them but only next to the one that sees their vices to be able to help to resolve some of them. No one wants to brag about their vices and weaknesses but smart people do realize that they are not perfect - no one is. Being not perfect does not mean that one cannot grow further. So in that sense treating like a princess thing means that a guy has to stop idealizing a woman - no matter how interesting she is but to see her advantages and vices. Obviously reminding someone every day of their vices is just horrible but being a friend [and it is basis of all relationships] in letting a woman grow next to a man is something certain women are looking for. Therefore, some of them will seek a challenging guy and a challenging guy is a guy that lets them grow next to them. The trick here is that some women end up with guys that indeed are challenging but at the same time despise them and treat them really badly or they end up with so called wussies, which means that they cannot grow next to a wussy because he is not challenging and idealizes that women too much. The problem with perfection is that it cannot be improved and some women seek constantly a way to improve themselves. Often they lack an inspiration or direction. I am not saying they are fools, far from it, everyone is able to be inspired by everyone. As a guy I have been inspired by many women, I think it is quite hard for a guy to be challenging and let a woman grow next to him and not slip into being an asshole. Perhaps it is possible then but perhaps not easy.

How to be a bitch and nurse - quick tutorial and reflections

2010-01-01T17:15:00.011Z

I know that it sounds insane but that sort of thing in love and in relationships is actually possible. First, they will be bitchy. What I mean by bitchy is that he/she will show you how much they despise you in a subtle or not so subtle way and also put themselves first. That is when you love yourself more than them. If they are like that, the more clever person you meet the more she/he will show you how much they despise you in a clever way or the more they will love themselves rather than you. Then, since this type has a nurse as well this type will show you compassion, friendship and love. The combination is totally strange. How can you be a bitch and a compassionate person in one? It turns out you can. Imagine a cat, literaly, that first cuts you through it's claws and then comes to you and licks you. Assuming a human being can behave in a similar manner - the only thing that one can think of when one deals with a human being like this is what the heck?

It is like you met a person that comes to you, cuts you with a knife and then is wants to heal you and asks how you are and wants to help you. This is sick, in case you have not noticed. It turns out that some people are really good at that and people with low self esteem will be unable to leave this person and will be in vicious circle, especially when they fall in love. Mind you, that it is hard to create wounds for you and cut you if you don't fall in love, pain is very small, when you do fall in love, very subtle hurting over time can be very painful, over time, not over one day. It is an amazing psychological knowledge. I am sharing this with you in a hope that you will not abuse it but you will actually stop yourself from doing so. You are a very powerful person when someone falls in love in you, you can mess up someone a lot. I have seen it.

My theory is that for some people bitchy actions and behaviour are subconscious and support and help is conscious. It is like you were a born killer and you wanted to change in your life. That does not mean that you were not born as a killer. You were, you might just not be happy about it. Conciously you might not be happy about it but subconsciously, you are a killer.

The solution is to stop cutting and focus on honesty, love and remember that one can influence and hurt another person a lot when they do love us. That applies to me as well. I have to be very careful and I am. I have high moral standards, without bragging about it too much, some people - well they just let's say don't. They think love is innocent and one can play games to have fun. You can have fun but not when someone falls in love in you, then love games are really dangerous, for you and the partner. This has to be well understood.

Of course it is not that simple. Human beings are too complex and it is not possible to be able to peagant hole like this, sometimes a girl or a boy like that might not know want what he/she wants, another explaination for such actions is that it is hard to trust, therefore one is protecting oneself. One is protecting oneself to love them more than they feel they should and that they are afraid to trust that person so they become bitchy as a way to protect themselves. People are in general vulnerable and they protect themselves from suffering in various ways, sometimes by being cruel and brutal.

First and foremost, is to know what one wants from a partner. Surprisingly many people don't really know what they want, they keep searching but they don't know. For some people falling in love is the answer - if they fall in love it means she/she is that magical person - special someone. I am not sure that is true. After thinking about this for a while I reached a conclusion that falling in love might not be absolutely necessary, however, when you are in a relationship and then you fall in love in somebody while being in a relationship -> you might really have hard time as to know what to do. Good example of that was in a movie First Knight with Julia Ormond, where she has fallen in love in a young knight, while being wife of a king - played by Sean Connery. She had a really hard time, she didn't know what to do. Eventually, she was cheating on him and at the same time she was in love with the king. That is what usually happens with beautiful and interesting women and men in live, they have so much choice that they cheat, it is also their heart that is cheating on them - too much choice and evolutionary psychology on top of that. That is why it is not easy. It is a question, who controls who, do you control your heart or does your heart control you? Impossible to resolve as they say your heart is not your servant"

Falling in love can also be very problematic as it distracts you from getting to know this person as you idealize them [looking though pink glasses] and you think about them all the time. Love cannot wait, it just strikes and wants to burn quickly. You can try to slow it down but then, like a snowball it will keep growing and growing and eventually it might explode. Explosion and a fight in relationships - I shall call it a big bang can create new planets and stars and reconcilation is possible but problems have to be discussed openly - face to face. They can be discussed only if there is a strong will and desire to build a new universe out of big bang.

It turns out that many women indeed seek [bitch+nurse] subconsciously seek a guy that will be able to treat them like ladies and sluts at the same time. It is based on the fact that a human being cannot appreciate happiness in it's purest form. They have to complicate reality to be able to be happy. For some people there is not such thing as a pure happiness and harmony, they have to fight, suffer to feel reconcilation afterwards. One woman once mentioned that she is looking for a guy that will be 50-92% bastard. Not 100% bastard and not 0%. I would call it some sort of personality disorder and people that are like that might end up either with a guy that is more of a wussy than bastard or more of bastard than wussy. It applies to men as well. That balance is very hard to get for such a woman/man. No one is able to control this conciously how to be a dickhead for just about right level of dickheadness. I shall recommend for long term success learning appreciating goodness of a human being once there is a spiritual connection and not complicating reality more than it needs to be complicated.

To end I shall quote Alanis Morisette from the song Head over Feet:
"You treat me like a princess I am not used to liking that."

Being challenging does not mean to be a dickhead or bastard. Some women and men like when a guy or woman is pushing them to do things they didn't know they could do. It is the way you motivate is the key. I think motivating by laugh and fun is the best. Learn from Sweds and Volksvagen!

The Fun Theory

Last but not least, often a woman/man can be illogical. She/he expects that men/women that will respect him/her and despise him/her at the same time. I would say that extraverted people and in particular women [red and yellow] types are especially guilty of that. It is not possible for anyone to logically comprehend how one can be a best-friend and a bastard in one. Extraverted people think that spicing things up by really badly behaving is necessary, therefore they behave badly and often despise someone that is either introverted or extraverted. For introverts it is a real shock, for extraverts it is not, because it is actually what they expect. Having said that, in my opinion the way introverts and extraverts perceive ideal relationship is very much different. A person that is illogical [extraverts have high probability] is unable to understand themselves, meaning that they have an increased probability of not knowing what they want. So it all makes perfect sense.

Introverts = pure harmony and best friends
Extraverts = harmony, best friends + fights from time to time

Love convention by Paul Coleho

2009-12-13T18:04:00.011Z

For a while I have been thinking what to write and I had some unposted articles but when I read this today I think it deserves to be posted. It is something many people forget while loving - Love convention. It is not by me but by Paul Coleho.

Convention of those wounded in love
Published on December 13, 2009 in News. 2 Comments

promulgated by Paulo Coelho in 2008 and dedicated today to Elin Woods

General provisions:

A – Whereas the saying “all is fair in love and war” is absolutely correct;

B – Whereas for war we have the Geneva Convention, approved on 22 August 1864, which provides for those wounded in the battle field, but until now no convention has been signed concerning those wounded in love, who are far greater in number;

It is hereby decreed that:

Article 1 – All lovers, of any sex, are alerted that love, besides being a blessing, is also something extremely dangerous, unpredictable and capable of causing serious damage. Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both.

Article 2 – Once struck by a stray arrow fired from Cupid’s bow, they should immediately ask the archer to shoot the same arrow in the opposite direction, so as not to be afflicted by the wound known as “unrequited love”. Should Cupid refuse to perform such a gesture, the Convention now being promulgated demands that the wounded partner remove the arrow from his/her heart and throw it in the garbage. In order to guarantee this, those concerned should avoid telephone calls, messages over the Internet, sending flowers that are always returned, or each and every means of seduction, since these may yield results in the short run but always end up wrong after a while. The Convention decrees that the wounded person should immediately seek the company of other people and try to control the obsessive thought: “this person is worth fighting for”.

Article 3 – If the wound is caused by third parties, in other words if the loved one has become interested in someone not in the script previously drafted, vengeance is expressly forbidden. In this case, it is allowed to use tears until the eyes dry up, to punch walls or pillows, to insult the ex-partner in conversations with friends, to allege his/her complete lack of taste, but without offending their honor. The Convention determines that the rule contained in Article 2 be applied: seek the company of other persons, preferably in places different from those frequented by the other party.

Article 4 – In the case of light wounds, herein classified as small treacheries, fulminating passions that are short-lived, passing sexual disinterest, the medicine called Pardon should be applied generously and quickly. Once this medicine has been applied, one should never reconsider one’s decision, not even once, and the theme must be completely forgotten and never used as an argument in a fight or in a moment of hatred.

Article 5 – In all definitive wounds, also known as “breaking up”, the only medicine capable of having an effect is called Time. It is no use seeking consolation from fortune-tellers (who always say that the lost lover will return), romantic books (which always have a happy ending), soap-operas on the television or other such things. One should suffer intensely, completely avoiding drugs, tranquilizers and praying to saints. Alcohol is only tolerated if kept to a maximum of two glasses of wine a day.

Final determination:
Those wounded in love, unlike those wounded in armed conflict, are neither victims nor torturers. They chose something that is part of life, and so they have to accept both the agony and the ecstasy of their choice.
And those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say: “I have lived”. Because they haven’t.

My Comments:
1. a person should be aware that they can inflict damage to another person as well and be a careful responsible loving person. Cause pain only if absolutely necessary, like when they are lying to you or are cheating to you, that pain should be kept to absolute minimum [and it is well documented in Prison experiment by P. Zimbardo that people are born sadists]. Control your sadism as it is really painful.

2. I actually don't think we should use strong words towards them and we should not insult them in front of our friends. We might criticize them but not insult. There is a difference.

3. I don't think we can sometimes chose who we love, I think we can meet a friend and we fall in love accidentally. In fact there is one song by Dj. Tiesto which words are like this: "How was I supposed to know that our love will grow."

Dj Tiesto - Touch Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doPMhtF4_bY

4. The way they perceive love might be different for us than for them, leading to conflicts and disappointments, therefore one should seek the definition of love and whether it is equal to being in relationship if both people are single or not. Having said that, firing arrow in the opossite direction is not enough, it is because concious mind of a human being is able to override emotions with rational thinking and give up on a feeling for certain reasons known to them.

5. The fact that love and war is being compared is somewhat sad and for me really depressing and in my opinion love is NOT a war and should not be thought of like this as this means that people will exploit weaknesses of partner even more.

6. To know what weapons you have, what things cause pain and suffering and 'works' does not mean one should use them, it is opposite it means one should NOT use those weapons. In the same way that America and Russia have nukes and they don't fire at each other. Responsible love is when people have guns but they don't shoot at each other.

7. I must completely agree that feelings of love are sometimes so strong that by default it does lead to some sort of a war/conflict but understanding that it is by default lets two people to be ABOVE, control their actions (not emotions) and therefore focus on higher MEANING.

More things could be easily written, complex topic but let's finish at that.

This is my Mum's Week and THE CONNECTION week.

2009-12-02T11:35:00.008Z

If anyone wondered what was she like...

This YouTube video summarizes it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-1NjaLpITw

This week is THE CONNECTION week for everyone else except for me, connection with your Soul Mates, catch up with your friends. Who knows what they are up to... are they still alive?

She was THE SUN for me...

and the HOLY SPIRIT....

and one can connect to... the DEPARTED but it is hard and I don't even know if I can do it. I doubt it.

All cats have a tendency to lie....

2009-12-02T11:07:00.003Z

All cats [YELLOW] have a tendency to lie because for them often TRUE = FALSE or so they want you to think so... The problem that a cat has is that cat is unable to lie to it's own heart. Meet cat - the perfect liar :)

Excellent post by our Swedish Lead Software Engineer about Cost of Features.

2009-11-30T17:21:00.002Z

http://tech.shopzilla.com/2009/11/the-cost-of-a-feature

Reflections on vegetarianism

2009-11-29T10:58:00.002Z

There is plethora of causes why one could become a vegetarian. For me, one of biggest driving forces was a number of ethical reasons. I have been vegetarian for over 6 years now and during that time I have been thinking about this topic quite extensively and I came across many comments from my friends. I wanted to share some of them and why I think that some of them are great and definitely worth pondering on and analyzing.

Needless to say, ethical vegetarians are not eating meat because of ethical reasons. They simply don't want animals to get slaughtered and some of them genuinely believe that animals should be treated the way humans are or at least close to it. Even ethical vegetarians do divide in their beliefs. Some simply want animals to live in decent conditions and want them to die without suffering, some of them don't want them to be slaughtered at all. In my humble opinion, by far the most ethical ones are fructarians, then vegans and eventually laco-ovo vegetarians. Fructarians only eat things that fall from a tree or a bush, they don't eat animals products of any kind. Vegans do not eat any animal products i.e. dairy products or eggs.

The reason I became a vegetarian is because I strongly believe that I am not in position to take animals live just for pleasure of it. I wanted to see if I am able to live and nourish myself without animal protein and I have succeeded up to a certain point. It is necessary to remember to replace protein that we normally obtain from meat with protein from plants. Protein is an important ingredient and currently human organism is unable to create it on its own. I say currently, because through the course of evolution in the long term, I reckon it would be possible even to change that. As a matter of fact, there are animals that do produce protein on their own. It is a matter of genes in DNA sequence. Assuming that a vegetarian diet is generally low in protein, mind you that in the long term it can be fixed through the course of evolution or by DNA programming (genomics).

I have experienced lots of problems with vegetarianism. It is like you open a pandora's box. One mental shift leads you to many other thoughts. Should I kill insects? Should I not wash myself like Buddist monks, that way saving bacteria from dying. In a sense it is impossible to survive without killing an organism of some sort. Viruses, bacteria are all organisms. Life and death seems to be deeply rooted in the way the world is structured. So, we are all killing all the time, we have to kill to be able to live, if we don't kill bacteria in our organism then that bacteria will win the struggle and eventually we might even die due to a sickness caused by their frivolous playing tricks habbits. So we established that killing is inevitable, then this raises a question how do we divide organisms into the ones that we think we can kill and the ones that we think we can't. Should we base this on size or on their intelligence? Is it ethically more justifiable to kill a mosquito, than it is to kill a dolphin. Undeniably, dolphins are smarter than mosquitos. That is one possibility but as Peter Singer [a bioethician] says applying this rule is like applying the same principle to human beings. If a certain person is retarded that might actually mean that they will be less intelligent than the smartest monkey. Should this justify that we can kill them and eat them or perhaps enslave them?

You see nature has no mercy, a lion chases its prey to have a dinner. Lion does not understand that he/she could spare the pray. Lion does not have conscious mind. You do, so think about using it. Most people I met in my life don't really care about this at all. Ignorance is truly a bliss and people know it very well. I know it as well because I also need to switch off, if I was thinking all the time I would go mad. Anyone would.

One of my discoveries is that providing enough of vitamins and fatty acids is really heard on one's own without understandning more about nutrition. I used to have omega-3 deficiency that resulted in certain unpleasant things, let me put it this way. So, now I don't forget about omega-3 and A-Z vitamins for vegetarians and I am guilty of sometimes consuming sea water fish for animal protein. So as you can see I am not an angel.

Why it is indeed an interesting topic, because you see in the past, women couldn't vote and black were slaves. Why did we change that? We have altered this through evolution.

I often hear a comment that people love meat and they would never give it up for the taste of it. That is for me worst possible argument one can come up with, because it is like saying I like black slaves and I think to have a slave at home is really good and I would never give up a slave.

Many people do bring up the criteria of conciousness, in a sense that animals do not fear death and it turns out that some animals do fear death actually. There was a monkey that through sign language said that she/he was afraid of to die. Being afraid of death can be classified as a solid criteria of conscioussness.

Another very prepostrous thing is that people actually buy clothes made from furr. For instance, seals are slaughtered just for furr. This is the sickest really because honestly, it is not that hard to buy products that are artificial and at the same time you can use them, so leave poor animals alone.

Testing drugs on animals is also a tricky topic I must admit. If we do believe in inteligence based hierarchy that means that sacrifice of mice should allow humans to live longer. I do believe in layers and humans are indeed smarter [some humans unfortunately have inteligence of monkey :( or worse] but in general they are just more clever. So I personally support testing drugs on mice as long as it cannot be tested in any other way and is necessary to find a cure for a serious or not so serious sickness. That is just my opinion.

Perhaps one of the most interesting comments I have ever heard from one person is that it might perhaps be better to let them live and kill them so at least they can enjoy life a little bit. I must admit that this statement has really caused me to scratch my head. It is a very strong argument, the only problem is that you are the one that kills, so an animal has no choice but to be slaughtered. We are all gonna die anyway. This brings up an interesting topic and extremely controversial as well, whether in future we might need to have obligatory euthanasia for retired people as they keep living longer and longer. So you are 80 and you go to some clinic... Gosh.... I am scared but that only shows how difficult ethical problems are to solve and that right or wrong as a concept is changing over time.

Evolutionary psychology - cheaters and liars win :(

2009-11-23T20:53:00.004Z

Evolutionary psychology - cheaters and liars win.

Having thought about this for long time and having understood the book - why men like bitches I reached conclusion that evolution does indeed favor bitches (the women and men who are lying and cheating and put themselves first) and in general colors/personality types that have a higher probability of cheating and lying (YELLOW and RED types) then thank God that psychological colours (types) are not inherited. That would mean that world would be eventually worse and worse. In the same way that people that steal are likely to be richer if there was no punishment, in love people who cheat are more likely to have more children and partners that will also love them back. So, imagine that in human mating, there is no court. The ones that LIE and CHEAT the most win the evolutionary game. The only court is you and your parents and family. You are the worse court actually, because you will actually prefer the ones that despise you and treat you like shit the most. Listening to your parents won't help either because by doing so, you will not follow your heart. So you will be unhappy. Bottom line is that following heart is as bad as listening to your parents, which means that that perhaps true happiness can only be in you and not in the one so to speak that completes you, which leads us to Buddhism.... but then poor Buddhists don't have pleasure of talking to the one that completes them, massages and all the nice things... Final punchline is that it is all messed up anyway. We are all messed up. Unless you think about the theory of...

About Cats and Mice and love...

2009-10-19T14:41:00.002+01:00

So what does cats and mice to do with love? Well they do quite a lot. The thing is that, cats are quite malicious, he/she will play with the mouse before killing her. Why is that? We were told that animals are cute and they kill only to eat and they don't take pleasure in doing so. Bollocks. They do. The only reasons some animals do not behave like humans is because they are not smart enough. To be vengeful you have to be smart enough. Shocking, ha. Well. Now let's imagine a human being is a cat and another human being is a mouse. Humans do kill each other and cause each other pain. There is nothing revolutionary about that. When do humans stop being nasty? This is when they love... Love is very merciful. So if you are a mouse and you get caught by a cat that does not love you --- run fast. If he/she does love you, well... then... you start to trust... but be careful love is not eternal. How do you know if a cat loves you? Well, see if he/she suffers when you suffer.

On extarverted women and how they test guy's patience and his wussiness level

2009-09-26T18:23:00.003+01:00

Extraverted women. I mean how sick do I have to be to write this. First of all, what is the heck is an extraverted woman? Well, extavertism is not something mathematically defined, so it is hard to measure. It is not impossible though and there are psychological tests that measure it. I see it as energy to live. Do you take energy to live from people or from yourself. If you take from people, then you are extraverted, if you take it from yourself then you are introverted.

Today, on a bus I heard a conversation that a girl was beaten and she had to split with his boyfriend and she only did this because of her mother. There are guys that will play on emotions. I have been in this vicious circle once when I was in love as well. You tend to love in a sick way, the one that hurts you somehow. How many times did I hear this story about being beaten? Why girls choose sick guys like that? It is not a recent phenomen, it is a repeatable thing. Every generation seems to be making the same mistake over and over again. Now, why is it happenening? Then I started to think and don't get me started when I start to think... Recently I heard from one extraverted girl as well, that she likes guys that stop her from being too naughty and stops her from getting away with stuff. It is almost like some extraverted women (20-30) still have a little girl inside them. Notice that I say extraverted because introverted women do not behave in that way. That little girl inside an extraverted woman wants to be spanked and told off when she does bad things. It is not a surprise that some sickos loose temper so much that they start hitting her. This is how this works. Then she feels bad but because she is in love, through her emotions she will be unable to leave him (it would hurt too much). Needless to say there are some proper mechanisms to provide feedback but the strange thing is that they like to try guy's patience. If there is a guy, that could be referred to as wussy allows a girl to do what she wants, she will ignore him and eventually dump him. This is because a woman needs a confident guy, not some guy that will cry like a baby. She checks that confidence by testing him out. It makes perfect sence from evolutionary point of view. Who wants to be with a looser? They need protection. The problem is that it often makes a relationship akward and there is a constant struggle. Especially when an extraverted guy meets an extraverted woman... Extraverts tend to loose temper much quicker than introverts. This is actually quite depressing and I wish this didn't exist as a concept and I hope to be proven wrong. The whole view might be scewed, so forgive me this biased point of view. As with all things in human sciences certain people will agree certain one's won't. Psychology is a complex topic.

You are the system

2009-07-08T15:25:00.002+01:00

You are the system, the society in which you are brought up in. There are things you don't have to comply to survive but there are some in which you have to comply or you will suffer or die.

How can you change the system? Who can change the system? That is what revolutions are for. Does it have to be through revolution? No, it can be through evolution. Who changes the system? People like Hitler but also people like you on a smaller scale. How do we know that the system is right? We don't, we see it after some time and we adjust. So that is why I am a vegetarian. I don't like the system and I adjust. It is a form of a personal rebellion. I eat fish though... why? Evolution as opposed to revolution is time consuming but the good thing is that it is is more stable... You can only evolve if you think and work on your self and if you are not selfish. Do you have to work? No, of course you don't. You have to have strength and health and $ to survive but you don't have to think. Well, at least this is our current system... here in the UK.

Johari Window

2009-04-25T15:37:00.003+01:00

I have been intriqued by a concept of johari window.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johari_window

In a nutshell, Johari Window consists of Arena and Facade, which is something that is known to us, and Blind Spot and Unknown which is not know to us. Arena is something that we and people around are aware of. It can be anything, we can be smart, humble, etc.

[... to be continued...]

Free Will

2009-04-12T18:37:00.002+01:00

I am happy to have free will, I don't know what future holds so that gives me piece of mind. I am also happy that other people in life have free will. Mostly we have control over our destiny, except for cases where we don't (nature of randomness).

Life is like a Rorschach's Test

2009-04-11T12:19:00.002+01:00

So I came to realisation that life is like a Rochard's test. We see things we want to see. Different people see different things. We even see different things at different stages of our life.

Tim Burton's Stick Boy and Match Girl

2009-04-08T09:09:00.001+01:00

Stick Boy liked Match Girl,
He liked her a lot.
He liked her cute figure,
he thought she was hot.

But could a flame ever burn
for a match and a stick?
It did quite literally;
he burned up quick.

Health

2009-04-07T22:33:00.002+01:00

Health

When you don't have it, all you dream of it is to have it. Mine is improving from day to day, it is like I broke a leg, I can walk but I cannot run yet, well maybe a slow run :)

Evolution and the Bible

2009-04-05T16:34:00.006+01:00

Even before watching an excellent program on BBC Two titled: Did Darwin kill God I did think about exactly the same thing. In fact I could create this program :)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00jhfwt

I believe that the biblical God does not have to compete with the theory of evolution. In fact in this war both camps are right. That is why wars and disagreements are futile. At the end of the day you both agree in large part. It is communication that is the problem. Pure evolution lacks moral standards, law, Bible provides moral standards. We need that to know what is good or bad. As with slavery some things that were once approved can change and become illegal and morally wrong. Slaves did fight for themselves. Humans are not cows, we change and evolve all the time. It is a good thing. One has to be reflective to ponder over things like that. Yet, over-relection is bad as well. That is why I am a Software Engineer :) I would think too much if I was a philosopher! In adition, philosophy doesn't produce anything other than ideas. In Software Engineering, target product is very tangible. What an excellent career decision! Good on me!

I especially like Philo and St. Augustine views that the Bible has to be read in a methaphorical way. Many things in a methaphorical way can be applied many years after the Bible has been written. It is also interesting to know that the Bible has contradictions. In the program they gave an example Adam that was conceived before or after plants were created. If many people wrote it, it is not a surprise they couldn't sync up the same version. Yet, maybe the God had no other way to communicate with us other than through other people.

Gods, Eclipse, linking, playing games, (reality or virtual reality) and morality

2009-03-21T18:39:00.006Z

As my health restores through blue, green, tiny bit of red and yellow I naturally start to think about work. You see IBM and SUN compete with each other. It is natural, businesses have to compete to survive. That is how economy works and I don't have to explain that. Some time ago, IBM started to develop project called eclipse (http://www.eclipse.org), which is a development environment (IDE) that I use on a daily basis. I am a java developer so it is very natural to use eclipse. Now java has been invented by SUN Microsystems but remember IBM competes with them... I hate competition, I mean a little bit of it is nice but I do not like it. In fact, because I play ping pong (which happens to be the best training for your brain - I.Q. wise) at work with my colleagues I am starting to think to bring back some of the old rituals such as hand shaking before a match. I think bowing might be a little bit too much but hand shaking, why not? I think we get a little bit too competitive at work and that really doesn't please me. Competition is stressful and unpleasant and I resent! Alas, I feel during ping-pong we do compete too much.

I have a friend in Poland, that by the way taught me a lot of philosophy and science (morisil - Kazimierz Pogoda), you see he wrote a very long article about Eclipse. As Tim Berners-Lee says in one of his last speeches at TedTalks.com linking is very important these days. It is linking between ideas but also information on world-wide-web. If you like the idea, please listen to:

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/tim_berners_lee_on_the_next_web

Morisil, my friend, won an award from eclipse for one of the best articles on eclipse Ganymede! So this is really cool, if people at IBM find it useful. You can read more about eclipse (with nice references to philosophy) on

http://blog.xemantic.com/2008/06/eclipse-ganymede-rejoicing-in-virility.html

You see the reason I like this article so much is because it is a nice link between philosophy and science. The fact that one can cooperate with another rather than compete with another. This is exactly what was a cornerstone of a very famous novel - Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. Science can cooperate with God, rather than fight with each other. This is exactly what my plan is, to link science and the God. Mind you, the God sometimes fools us through devil, therefore we should always test our hunches. Test them to see if they are meaningful and most importantly real.

Testing your hunches is a topic that a talk by Dan Ariely - why we think it is ok to cheat and steal (sometimes):

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/dan_ariely_on_our_buggy_moral_code.html

Morisil's article It is an excellent article and only tells me how much I have to learn about philosophy moving forward and how tiny is my ego now, when I am overwhelmed with knowledge. I did not study philosophy so that this didn't help. I am more of an amateur and philosophizer wanna-be. I mean at least I don't know the history of philosophy, which is not equal to the fact that I don't like to reflect from time to time. Reflections in philosophy can cause redirect loop, so you start restarting yourself. It reminds me of universe. Did you know that apparently when we travel ahead through space eventually we will end up from where we came from? I believe that but I cannot prove it. How can one test that?

Well you see, we had a talk with morisil once about what they think should be the future of capitalism. Morisil together with her wife (Pacyfka) think that Scandinavian countries are the future together with their way of thinking. New Wave of thinking. It is human and love that are more important rather than capital. In the US, there is bling-bling in Scandinavian countries there is human-bing or human-being (almost the same). US might eventually catch up. Time will tell. UK is a nice balance now.

Cod, Insomnia, linking and Hurley Model

2009-03-21T16:22:00.006Z

Can you imagine falling in love in an idea? Well, we do it all the time, mothers want babies, fathers want babies ... a little bit less (blame credit crunch). We all want something. We fall in love in an idea of something or someone. Yet, this is our perception and perception can be deceived. An idea always needs to be tested in reality. As some of you might know I am an amateur philosopher and a scientist (Software Engineer). You see, when you fall in love in an idea of a person it is like your fall in love in yourself. That person is a reflection of who you want to be. This is narcissism. We see things we don't have and we yearn for them. For me cod is yellow (and probably only for me), water is blue. For me yellow is creativity. I yearn to creativity (although other colours are soo uber cool as well). A Cod is in a water, right. Cod years to water, yet does water yearn to the cod? Water is there, it is calm. Yet, would water make any sense on this planet if it wasn't for animals that are in it? It would be useless. It's existence would be meaningless. I would like my existence to be as meaningful as possible. Yet, cods are often moving too fast. If they swim all day, work all the time, this can cause cod's insomnia. Cods are creative and have lots of ideas but...they are also very fast. Insomnia is very serious and in case of humans can lead to many messy things. Well, you might think why am I talking about insomnia suddenly? Well, you see somebody I know stays almost all night and works, now this can be truly exhausting and can cause serious issues. So this is the reason water is good for cod, it can cool cod down and most importantly tell cod to slow down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKk3unesG6Y&feature=PlayList&p=1DE621941F765EAD&index=13

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insomnia

In addition, please listen to an excellent Philosopher Dan Dennet about notions and ideas and linking things together (like poets and philosophers do), it is absolutely hilarious and only proves that not all philosophers are boring and their brain is malfunctioning. They are just soo uber clever!

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/dan_dennett_cute_sexy_sweet_funny.html

God, a cow and moral fiber

2009-03-21T08:58:00.006Z

First of all, my definition of God -> anything that has not been scientifically explained, awaits scientific explanation but you see it happening in your life without understanding why. Pretty much like when you fall in love in someone and you cannot possibly imagine why this particular person.

What a cow and moral fiber have in common?

You see moral fiber means that you are able to keep your ideas even in difficult times. What if this is too difficult? Well, it is evolution isn't, leo, you, sedating gun and a real gun with real bullets. As I mentioned in one of my posts before I prefer MacGyver style (sedate if you can), in fact this is exactly why I became a vegetarian. If I don't have to kill (eating meat is supporting meat industry, demand drives supply) then I prefer to spare poor animals. This gets really deeply philosophical and not for this post, because some people argue that it is better to be born (and live) and be killed rather than not. I agree with that and don't but that will be in future. I will have a very long post soon on vegetarianism so I will cover that. Vegetarianism is green and green is a colour of healing. I need healing now. Nurse or rather nursing is all I want now. Nurses are your best friends when you are sick, well assuming they listened to Dan Ariel speech - why we think it is ok to cheat and steal on TedTalks.com.

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/dan_ariely_on_our_buggy_moral_code.html

If they didn't they should listen. Suffering should always be kept to minimal. That is the cornerstone of my thinking. Unless a nurse doesn't want to be your friend, then go to hell. Friends can be nurses and yet true friends don't even want money for nursing. Is it possible to have a true friend these days (true friend - a friend in sickness and in health) ?

You see there are two very nice sayings about a cow in Polish.

Polish: Krowa, która dużo ryczy mało mleka daje.
English: A cow that mooooos a lot doesn't give you milk.
Swedish: ? (I wish I knew that language)

and..

Polish: Tylko krowa nie zmienia pogladów
English: Only a cow doesn't change opinions.
Swedish: ? (I wish I knew that language)

Who said I wasn't creative right? By very simple reconstruction and logical thinking we have:

Polish: "Krowa która nie zmienia pogladów, mało mleka daje"
English: A cow that doesn't change opinions will not give you milk.
Swedish: ? (I wish I knew that language)

This is a good test for you. If you have a friend or a boyfriend, girlfriend, check if they can change their opinion over time. If they do adjust to environmental factors, if they are reflective (but not over reflective) and at the same time their moral fiber changes only a little bit -> this is a good sign. Always analyze why they have altered their moral fiber, what was the root cause of that, this is essential. Did they do it because of selfish reasons, did they do it because of health reasons and if so why, did they alter their moral fiber for someone else and if so why?

Well I am not a cow, I do change over time, how can I change over time and still live with my moral fiber? Well moral fiber needs to adjust based on events. Unfortunately, in evolutionary sense I am more important than cods. Definitely not more important than the God but cods, definitely. I will spare cows, chickens, pigs and other cute animals (I love dogs, cats, dolphins - so clever) but I will be a bit cruel to cods. While cods ways are mysterious to me, to the God they are not mysterious at all. I am sorry for that! He is just a bit more clever than all of us.

I have seen Girl Next Door today, once again and I like what a Matthew said in that movie. He is happy to love a porn star as long as her name is Danielle. I wouldn't mind loving a porn star, well not just any porn star. In fact, that is exactly what Leaving Las Vegas movie was about. This is what moral fiber to me and Matthew from Girl Next Door. (Mateusz = Matthew). Love is the moral fiber. Isn't to all of us?

* Note for non Polish readers - Łaciate is a Polish milk.

God, Midsummer Festival, Pantheism and a kinky loo brush

2009-03-20T11:17:00.022Z

You might think that I have been obsessed with God recently. I can assure you that I am not a devout. In fact I have not been more obsessed with God more than with a yellow flower on a meadow near the place I where live.

You see Swedish people believe in Midsummer Festival. You can find more about this here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midsummer. What they do is that their pray to the outer force. They pray for fertility of soil. This is a symbolic pray.

Symbolic as no one is sure about the future, suddenly some disaster can cause famine and people will die, children will die, father and mothers, sons and daughters, boyfriends and girlfriends, everyone. I am more spiritual than Christian. In fact I am a bit of both. I find there are interesting things in various religions. I even like meditation from Buddha and Buddhism as it let's me control myself better.

Someone told me that her flatmate bough her a loo brush that looks like a sperm... Now this is very funny and why didn't I pee in my pants from laugh? This is creepy at the same time. You see this is symbolic, loo brush in a form of a sperm might be considered by some people to be THE GOD. I don't think that is clever to pray to a loo brush but then again what if I pray to a flower? Well at least flower doesn't smell! Loo brush will be covered with well you know what. No thanks for that!

I amaze myself. I have been experiencing boosts of creativity (yellow) recently. I am starting to play with the language. Can one be creative in the way we use language? Hell yes!

Quote from wikipedia:
"Others argue that some form of Midsummer pole occurred in Sweden during the pre-Christian times, and was a phallic fertility symbol, meant to impregnate the earth, but as there were no records from those times it cannot be proven, and this idea might just be a modern interpretation of the poles form."

Poles or poles whatever. Well ask a Pole to pray to a phallus and he/she will think you are totally mad. I don't think so and as a Pole I must probably strike you as a total nutter. Well if my grandfather (R.I.P) or grandmother (R.I.P) found this out, they would immediately call an ambulance and similarly to Ivan Homeless from Master and Margrita (Russian novel) I would end up in a nuthouse (hopefully PATCH ADAMS would rescue me!). If you want to get to know me a little better - watch Patch Adams. In fact Patch Adams used to laugh at shrinks because sometimes they don't listen to their patients and are more messed up than patients themselves. Most importantly some shrinks don't laugh! You see laugh is a perfect cure, I am laughing a lot recently and recovering well. Laugh is yellow, yellow together with a calm green cures.

I have heard that a few Poles emigrated to Sweden, they need there doctors for sure. Poland has lots of very skilled doctors. I have friends who are doctors. Clever stuff. Did you know that Sweden, Great Britain and Ireland were the first countries to open up borders for Poles in 2004 when Poland joined E.U. along with other Eastern European countries. I am in I.T., for now there is demand for I.T. in London.

Speaking of phallus...Well, honestly I don't find my penis to be the GOD of anything. It is there, helps sometimes to pee and during ...well you know what....but would I consider it THE GOD? Well, NO. Swedish people do pray to Phallus. I don't find it creepy, I would not pray to a loo brush but then again I don't mind praying to a yellow flower! Well this is a form of Pantheism.

Sometimes I strike myself as a Pantheist. As a Pantheist I cherish nature. Green strikes me as a calm colour, colour that doesn't lie or doesn't deceive you, does not want to play games. Colour that simply is. It is the simplicity of green that I like so much.

Yellow and Green

2009-03-20T10:09:00.004Z

Green is a colour of help and support. A typical nurse would be green because she/he (let's not be sexists) would work to support patients. That doesn't mean that green is confined only to hospitals. It is important to notice that typical green people gain energy in their life by helping other people. In general I found that I get on with green people a lot. I create a bond with them immediately. My best friends are in fact often green. What does it have to do with yellow? Well through yellow you get to green... Green restores you and heals you.

God and Yellow and Blue, Chocolate Bar and Swedish Flag!

2009-03-19T19:04:00.008Z

What all of these items have in common? Pillow is used to rest when you cannot sleep. God is there to help you understand yourself, heal you and show you mercy. Answer to quiz: Because He wanted to start with something SIMPLE. Men are so simple. How simple am I? Recently I am finding myself more complex than I have ever imagined. Then you see a chocolate bar, it is proven to boost your mood. You see Yellow and Blue. I am Blue but Yellow restores me through creativity and laugh. Lots of laugh lately. Notice that you can also see a yellow flower on a pillow and blue as well. You see this is symbolic. The meaning is differential. Yellow is an opposite to blue and vice versa.

Cod's mysterious ways and Kalles Kaviar

2009-03-19T16:45:00.004Z

On Kalles Kaviar, Cods it's mysterious ways, blue and yellow and many other things.

Have you seen the movie with Rowan Atkinson? Keeping Mum. He makes a mistake during a speech and says. Cods mysterious way! What he in fact is referring to are God's mysterious ways! Now this is really freaking me out.

Because I am a little bit sick and that might involve lack of OMEGA-3 compounds (heart or what?) I would like to try Kalles Kaviar. It is Swedish and as you know Sweds have lots of fish around them. It is not coincidental that suddenly out of nowhere I started to eat fish and became obsessed with Sweden! It is all about fish! Eating fish will restore my health, it already has. In future I want to check flaxseed oil, a vegetarian equivalent of OMEGA-3 but at this stage I don't want that. There is a jungle, there is leo and you, what do you do? I am a leo but I would take a Mac Gyver approach and try to sedate him but if he jumps to my throat? Well, I have to safe myself. Evolutionary rule number one: survival of your child (if you have one) and then you and your partner and then your family (parents, next of kin) is the most important. Career is important but never more than your health. How can you help your family if you are sick? Save yourself to save others.

I especially like that it is blue and yellow. While I tend to think I am multicolored. What an obsession with colours! My first name is blue (philosophy and science) and my complete opposite is yellow (creativity and witt). One of my famous quotes from Philosophy is "The meaning is differential not referential". In fact through reference we get to difference. This is how women and men are soo different and yet the same. One from Venus, one from Mars like in John Gray book. Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars. Blue and yellow? You see? It all makes sense.

Mrs Elwood (Legally Blonde) and Danielle (Girl Next Door)

2009-03-19T16:03:00.004Z

One of my favourite movies of all times is Girl Next Door, this is very similar to Legally Blonde. Here comes this porn star that has a beautiful soul. Other guys only want to .... well.. you know what but she is sooo uber clever and creative. Clever and creative like Swedish girls! Actress is actually Canadian and happens to be a model. Isn't a fallacy to think that all Swedish girls are blondes? I would not mind a brunette at all. As long as she is a clever and a creative brunette. She can be a little bit naughty. In fact Danielle from Girl Next Door is far from being a good girl! She is quite something! You should watch it, this is a nice comedy and I lave laughed quite a bit!

Please watch it! Here is a link for you:
http://www.imdb.com/find?s=all&q=Girl+Next+Door&x=0&y=0

While I have enjoyed Girl Next Door more than Legally Blonde, the message is the same. Don't judge the book by it's cover. Not all that gold shines but sometimes but not always gold does indeed shine!

Swedish Steps - business opportunity

2009-03-19T12:20:00.002Z

At my work, my manager created a very simple diagram for Swedish Steps. I believe that Swedish Steps deserve to be cherished more than that. Here is a business opportunity for you.

Are you a creative entity? Perhaps a university student? Do you know art? Would you like to earn a little bit of money to pay for your university or towards your monthly expenses? Pay is moderate and is up for negotiations. I would be happy to pay you via PalPal or through a BASC UK bank transfer.

Art has never been more popular, in fact I cannot agree more with Steven Pinker and his lecture on TedTalks.com titled Blank Slate. Art has never been so popular, it is a true Renaissance of art! I like Steven Pinker, he is so funny :)

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/steven_pinker_chalks_it_up_to_the_blank_slate.html

I quite like the art of Tim Burton and Pon and Zi style of drawing. My idea is that in Swedish Steps you would actually see Steps and on every step you would see some sort of person that conveys meaning of each individual step. A drawing and a picture is 1000 words!

Please let me know if you are interested, please send me an email at: mati@sz.home.pl.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Hi in Swedish and Polish

2009-03-19T11:06:00.000Z

To continue my obsession with Sweden I started to read more about Swedish. You see in Swedish hi is Tjéna. The way to say it: http://www2.hhs.se/isa/swedish/2-2.wav

Informal and friendly. Actually an abbreviation of 17th and 18th century phrases like ‘Jag förbliver Eder ödmjukaste tjänare’ (I remain your most humble servant).

I really like this... I remain your most humble servant, it reminds me of old days, like a knight is a servant of his princess.

In Polish hi is "cześć", which means reverence. When you approach someone and tell them cześć what you in fact are saying is that you greet them but also that you respect them. It immediately creates trust, trust is a cornerstone of every relationship.

Swedish Steps [DRAFT v.3]

2009-03-18T17:53:00.001Z

Swedish Steps(TM) in life and workplace (DRAFT v.3)

I have been a little bit obsessed with Swedish Steps recently. At my work I have a manager that happens to be a Swed. He recently presented the idea of Swedish Steps. The name has been invented by our Lead Architect - an Aussie! My manager pinned a sheet with Swedish Steps onto our SCRUM meeting wall. Based on feedback about any issue, we can climb Swedish Steps in the following manner:

Step 1. Attack
Description: in military the best defense is to attack
Example: Are you a nutter, this idea is idiotic?

Step 2. Self-defense
Description: they are likely to strike back once you attacked them
Example: This is not my fault. You are a nutter to think that I am wrong.

Step 3. Denial
Description: deny that we need to change it
Example: Why bother, we have a working solution.

Step 4. Analysis
Description: you ponder over a solution
Example: I need a moment of silence to think about this.

Step 5. Understanding
Description: when there is a light bulb over your head after sleeping on with the problem and you jump in a bath and shout out loud EUREKA

Step 6. Act
Description: respond in an emotionless (calm body and voice) and meaningful way
Example: I think you are right but I think there is very small flaw in thinking that might potentially stop us. The flaw is...

Explanation
This is a very simple concept, yet many people don't think about this and don't realise how important it is to successfully interact with people in our work and personal life. The idea is that when we receive feedback from someone, we often think of it in a form of criticism of us, our, so we think, big ego. Ego, by the the way, should eventually be very small....tiny. That is a good thing. We do not think that the criticism is about what we do and naturally we behave in way that we start to attack, self-defend ourselves and deny parts or all of the feedback. We do not think that the idea of a feedback is to analyze and understand and eventually to alter our behaviour to better interact with other work colleagues, friends or life partners. Now one might ask a question, but why should I change myself for someone and for some strange idea of Swedish Steps, which accidentaly is called Swedish Steps and could as well be called Polish Steps, if only my manager was a Pole. Well, the reason is very simple - to improve communication and foster better human interactions that in turn will lead to better results. Now you might think that this can work only in work life. Well, I can assure you it can work very well in real life as well. I have observed this working well in practice, provided we jump to analysis, understanding and acting (last three steps) as quickly as possible.

It is important to notice that the reason it is called steps is not accidental. One has to climb from one step to another to reach the top. Of course one can stop at any level but it is not wise to do it. We should climb to the top. The best results are achieved when you can immediately jump first three steps, so that you end up on last two steps. One of the pretty bad (but not the worse things) you can do is to give a verbal or even worse non-verbal feedback about the problems you have with your own self control during the phase when you are on the first three steps. You can sort out first three steps in your head but it is not wise to do so. This is because sorting out first three steps has an impact on you. You are getting stressed without even knowing about this. It is subconscious. JUMP to avoid stress and save yourself. Don't be fooled to think that if you don't say anything people will not notice, in fact your body language tells people even more than you think. It is said that body language accounts for 60-70% of communication. This is one reason why geographically dislocated teams tend not to work and well as ...online dating... is a really difficult and prone to disasters. People can tell you various things but it is our body language that lets you discover their true meaning. Most of us are not that clever to be able to trick our own body language. I personally wouldn't dare to try, I highly advise to be honest.

Silence is golden
Silence is golden and it is certainly golden when it comes to Swedish Steps. If you like music, listen to the silence when you receive feedback. If you do not know what to do it is best to be quiet and listen. Eventually sleep on with the problem and give a meaningful feedback based on last three steps (analyze, understand and act). Don't rush, take a bullet.

Bond is very important

It is important to notice that it the way that we behave triggers certain responses. The way someone gives us certain feedback can trigger a certain response. If we do it in an appropriate way, then a person will naturally jump first three steps. Appropriate way is to do it very calmly and with quiet voice. If we have a bad day and a person doesn't understand the idea of Swedish Steps, then they might focus on first three steps too much. It is all about compromise, mutual understanding and believe it or now a bond that you have with your colleague, life partner, boyfriend, girlfriend (any relationship). This might be strange but this is the reason Team Building events at your workplace are so important because it is the bond that eventually causes you to jump first three steps if you have a bad day and everything goes pear shaped. On a bad day without a bond, both people can roll down steps and eventually they will end up shattered and with bruises. It hurts. Only masochists like suffering. I am not one!

Step. 1. Attack
Attack can be done in many forms and shapes. Probably the worse thing you can do is to frown, take offense, resent and eventually affront. Stop any communication to the person, eliminate them from your world. The reason is that by stopping communication you cannot calmly discuss the issue. You have just eliminated the person that gave you feedback from your both physical and mental world. You should re-establish relationship as quickly as possible and discuss. Just after than is humiliation, often public humiliation, you can talk to your friends or work colleagues and gossip about the person that gave you feedback. We all do it in one form of another. Due to lack of information people will be coming up with all sorts of strange ideas. It is natural to seek others help but you have to be really clever to judge properly and take action accordingly because you are the one that has more information. You have a bigger jigsaw with more puzzles to connect. People can give you a missing piece to your own jigsaw. Moreover, you can use body language and a very emotional language to attack. You can attack by offending the person that gave you feedback. You can be really rude and say: Are you crazy? This is an idiotic idea. The worst is when you don't even tell them why they are being idiotic and you have no arguments in discussion. By behaving in this matter you are attacking a person rather than discussing the idea. This is prone to a disaster in one form or another. Alternatively, you can attack with meaningful arguments, you can say: You are crazy! We cannot do it because we do not have...(put anything you want). Still not very clever but probably the best form of attack as it is with a meaningful argument. On the other side what you might face is not a meaningful argument but rather a counter-attack. That means other person also needs to read more about Swedish Steps :). The person that receives a feedback should behave like a pillow and provide cushion for emotional responses. It might be harder than you think because while you control your language and emotions, internally you still handle that stressful response. This is why meditation and joga is helpful. Believe me, prolonged stress is not healthy, it causes insomnia and all sorts of other messy things.

Step. 2. Self-defense
In this step we naturally start defending ourselves, we start coming up with all sorts of reasons why the work or action that we did was the way it was. In work life, when it comes to programming, we associate ourselves with THE CODE. We thing it is THE CODE but in fact it is a piece of code. Remember EGO? BIG EGO....small ego.... This is not as dangerous step as the first step - attack. This is because there is probably plethora of meaningful reasons why a piece of code looks as bad at it does. No time, project pressure, it was valid at that time and the person didn't want to overcomplicate. In fact this is a cornerstone of XP (Extreme Programming), do not overcomplicate, provide the sollution that is flexible enough and works to resolve business requirements. In personal life, we also come up with all sorts of self-defensive ideas based on feedback. e.g. someone tells you that you didn't study enough for the exam, so you tell them, that you didn't have enough time. This might be a perfectly valid reason but what if internally you know that you have been skiving too much, you cannot fool yourself. Sometimes, you can only fool others and because it is sometimes only better be honest.

Step 3. Denial
In this step we deny that we need to alter the solution claiming that it is not necessary. We should provide meaningful reasons why we think that this is not a good idea. Eventually a compromise should resolve the problem. We should all believe in compromise. I could not agree more with Amos Oz and what he wrote about compromise.

Step 4. Analysis
You think over the idea, carefully analysing every advantage and disadvantage of the problem. Take your time, sleep on with the problem, tell them that you need to think about this. Usually there is no rush. The best thing you can do if you don't know what to do is to listen to silence and be quiet.

Step 5. Understand
This is a step when you understand what the other person means or at least you are much closer to understanding.

Step 6. Act
Provide meaningful feedback with quiet voice, no strange body language responses and most importantly be clever as eventually as with every aspect of your life wisdom is the most important asset that you have.

[...to be altered for perfection...]

a.) Swedish Steps is a name fully owned by Petter M., Rodney B.

b.) Special thanks to Annie - your Swedish wisdom and creativity amazed me and let me learn more about myself. One day, who knows, Swedish Midsummer festival. I am in!

Teddybear

2009-03-15T21:38:00.001Z

Old post entry thing (6th August 2006) but fixed english mistakes (remastered):

Teddybear

On the whole world every teddybear dreams of just one thing - being loved. Often teddybears are no longer needed by their owners, they just use them to cuddle them and then they abandon them. I wish every teddybear on the world to actually be truly loved! Teddybears love with a pure love, they don't try to manipulate their owners to gain their love, they just simply are. Teddybears think that pure love is enough that no one should manipulate in order to be loved. Teddybears think that loving is enough to be loved. Owners are often so malicious and cunningly they will say, oh teddybear do you love me and teddybears says, sure of course I love you. But owners want a teddybear to love them only if it makes them happy. They don't think about teddybear feelings. Fox from Little Price said: "we are always responsible for what we tame" and yet owners often don't know that. We have to be very smart to love in such a NON selfish way.

Teddybears are very symbolic. The symbol a girl's inability to control emotions or their innate need to posses things. No one can be fully possessed. Period. I like the movie A.I. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0212720/. Teddybear in that movie is quite symbolic.

Why inheritances suck and why stumbling is important part of our lifes?

2009-03-03T14:08:00.003Z

Strange title you might think. Everyone wants to have money, right? It would be so nice to inherit a couple of million of dollars, wouldn't. Well, yes and know. The problem is that it is actually confirmed that a lot of rich people do not find happiness in their life's. Why is that? I have been thinking about this and I think this is because they might not have clear goals or incentives in their life's. They might not know how to enrich themselves, to become better. When we give food to the needy person, it is a needy that is happy but actually we are more happy than a needy! Then again a needy might spit us in a face but we still should be happy. It sounds insane and yes not many people would be able to smile back to a needy person after they got a spit all over their face! Would I? I don't know but I would try!

I find my life to be truly happy because when I stumble I feel my knee hurts and then I can get up and walk again. How can a rich person stumble? I am sure there are many ways to stumble but it is just harder to stumble when you are rich. You might not stumble because you feel that there is always a safety net in terms of your money to hold you. A lot if not everything is in our mind. There are people that are able to walk on a hot chalk, swallow knives and lie on spikes without hurting themselves. I don't know how to do any of these things but these people only prove how truly magnificent mind can be as a controlling mechanism for our own fears. Some people will use that against other people but that is evil and eventually will bite you in the ass :)

Some people are with each other for sex, that is nice but I feel more people are or should be because they want to help the other person when that person stumbles, they will hold them and let them regain balance once again. You might stumble as well, it would be nice if there was someone to hold you! It all might be Utopian but I much prefer to live for Utopian ideas than for a brutal reality. I think in a sense we all do, once we become adults we loose some of our childhood dreams, they are all replaced by cruel and merciless reality.

In a nutshell stumbling is important, it lets you think and change your priorities in your life. We change all the time, our priorities change all time. Two steps ahead, one step back. A step back is reflective step it is another way of slowing down, because you move to fast! Life is all about the balance, moving too fast on a highway is dangerous, moving too fast in life is dangerous as well. So I am not rich right but that is actually good because I can find my happiness in my way through the life. We all have dreams, some of them money can buy, some of them money won't buy. IMHO one of them is happiness, at least for me happiness is in the way, in stumbling and getting up. I wish all of you to find happiness in stumbling!

First, Do No Harm - Patch Adams

2009-03-01T15:09:00.001Z

First do no harm.
What is implicit in this simple precept of medicine?
An awesome power.
The power to do harm.
Who gives you this power?
The patient.
A patient will come to you at his moment of greatest dread..
hand you a knife and say, "Doctor, cut me open."
Why?
Because he trusts you.
He trusts you the way a child trusts.
He trusts you to do no harm.
The sad fact is...
human beings are not worthy of trust.
It is human nature to lie...
take shortcuts, to lose your nerve, get tired...
make mistakes.
No rational patient would put his trust in a human being...
and were not gonna let him!
It is our mission here...
to rigorously and ruthlessly train the humanity out of you...
and make you into something better.

"Meaning is differential not referential"

2009-02-20T12:37:00.002Z

"Meaning is differential not referential"

It took me almost 30 years to understand this. I should be ashamed of myself.

A woman is a difference to a man
A cat is a difference to a dog
...and so many more.

Reflections on evolution

2009-01-17T18:06:00.002Z

For quite a while I have been thinking about the topic of evolution. First of all, it is impossible to say that I think it is bad or good because it is what it is. It doesn't have consciousness thus it doesn't have any moral standards. Yet, evolution is the smartest and the most cruel concept that exists. Without evolution of some sort, we wouldn't be here. Why is it cruel? Well, think about it organisms that are week will perish and will not pass on their genes to an offspring. If they are weak, some of them might not even be lucky to live long after the birth. We have all seen cubs dying just after they are born, saddening and gruesome picture for compassionate people. We have all seen pictures of a tiger chasing their prey and a vision of the animal being eaten. The question is arises, which animals die, which one survive? Is the one that dies always the weakest? Not necessarily, evolution also has a concept of luck and probability, actually the best animal (most fitted) can die because only on that particular hapless day, this animal might have been feeble and was unable to defy or outsmart the predator. If we eliminate concept of a back luck, in the long term, the best animals survive.

Human mating
We apply evolution principles to mating as well. It seems that both men and women are hard wired to favour to choose people that have the best fitness function for them. If you think about this every one of us has a fitness function, that consists of number variables (traits) that each of us considers to be important. They are both character and physical traits. Needless, to say these functions do differ between people but also they seem to have certain things that are in common for all of us and for certain societies. The concept of beauty also changes from one era to another, for instance in baroque a woman was pretty when she was ... pleasantly plump. If you look at lanky models on television then you will understand that it has nothing to do with the current (Information Age?) perception of beauty. Are we conditioned by media? It is really a question of an egg and chicken, which one was first. It definitely has huge impact on us. Topic of beauty is a difficult topic and I don't want to cover it in this post, yet beauty for many people is part of their fitness function, therefore I have mentioned it. Love, like evolution is very cruel, every one of us at some point has rejected a certain person that was attracted to us. We might feel guilty about this and some of us certainly do but there is not much we can do about it, like the final goal was a perfect offspring and that offspring can be perfect only if our partner is at least little bit close to that perfection (both physical and character wise). Is it good or bad? It is what it is. Survival of the fittest. The most incredible thing I came to realise is that all us look at finding their partner in a holistic way. If an individual does not accept physically a certain person, there is no chance for love, auto rejection. It applies both to men and women, although men are really notorious for this. Either way, we have our preferences. The same applies to character traits, they are part of a fitness function as well, yet it is very acceptable in a society to reject a person based on their character traits, it is less acceptable to reject a person based on their physical appearance, it is considered to be shallow, yet most of us do it. There was a movie about this, check it out: Shallow Hall. Yet, we are all more or less shallow as evolution - evolution is shallow as well. In your mind a child with an ugly/stupid person can potentially result in a sick or dumb child, the one that will die or will be susceptible to diseases. The fact that you reject is because you are conditioned and because you care about the future of your child (evolutionary hard-wiring).

Imagine a world in which a physical appearance can be altered through genetic engineering (check out movie: Gattaca), still people will have certain preferences but no one will be feeble, disabled or ugly so that everyone will reject this person, resulting in a evolutionary murder. I feel very sorry for these people and that is why I think all of us would actually benefit from genetic engineering applied to humans. Mind you that it is very hard and far from practical application any time soon. I know that ethically it is a difficult question, especially if one believes in God, but where is God when a person with a Down syndrome dies childless because they are not allowed to have children or other people reject them, resulting in the an evolutionary genocide. Because of somatic disorders, this person will fail to pass their character traits (think, he or she could be a very nice person) to offspring. You must be thinking, to pass characters traits, are you nuts? You might remember the concept of a blank slate, you see Steven Pinker claims that behaviour can be inherited. Please listen to his video to find out more: http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/steven_pinker_chalks_it_up_to_the_blank_slate.html.
Would you like to live in a world I mentioned, in which only character traits would matter in evolutionary sense? I would. The important message for shallow men is that, if she is a hottie but a bimbo, remember that your child can also be, well.... be careful! Important message for smart women: be pretty but don't exaggerate, don't spend all of your free time in front of a mirror or in a gym, study, learn, enhance your knowledge to become a better human being. Be fairly attractive but also be smart, as character traits are inherited and you will be responsible to prepare your child to live in very demanding times (we need more knowledge to work/live comparing to the last century).

Evolution inspirations in businesses
Many people have spotted that capitalists have been inspired by evolution and applied it to their businesses. It has been very successful, companies that will not adjust and will not make profit will go belly up, the ones that do well, will survive. Employees that are most prepared for a job (their fitness function is the best for that job) have the highest chance of getting that job. Of course, there are things like nepotism but bear in mind that while nepotism is perceived to be bad, it is rooted in thinking that a member of family will not cheat you, or will be less likely to cheat you. This might be more important than actual competences for that job. Evolution applied to business means that you as a company have to innovate all the time to survive, you as an employee, without job security whatsoever have to constantly study and evolve for a chance to survive on the job market in the long term. If you think about this, this is no different than an animal running away from a tiger in a jungle. In communism, everybody was guaranteed to have a job, there was no incentive to learn, innovate. In capitalism innovation is driven by avarice, cupidity and survival instincts. No one is secure in capitalism, even businessmen with lots of capital running companies, if they make bad decisions, they will be bancrupt. In the short term, certain people might be more successful than others, but in the long term, things may change. Credit crunch enabled us to think that even big fat cats in investment banks are not secure and their position can be jeapordised.

Evolution as a way to run society
How about we use evolution as a way to run the society, this will mean the there would be no social welfare and people on incapacity benefit and disabled people would immediately stop receiving any money. Disabled people who would be able to get a job would be able to support themselves, others would simply die. I know what you are thinking, this is an atrocity and indeed an appalling idea. Yes, you are right, it is a controversial idea but as we previously mentioned evolution doesn't have moral standards so it would eliminate the weakest individuals, favouring survival and reproduction of the best ones. Think about this survival of a disabled person means that, they might have a child and that child, while might not be disabled will be more limited to achieve the best of their potential. This is a difference between America and Europe. European governments pay more attention to people that are unable to support themselves and provide them with enough money to survive, in America on another hand, while there is a social welfare, it is very limited and in fact, in that sense America is closer to the pure evolutionary mechanism. Which one is better, that is an ethical question. Both have advantages and disadvantages, we can use different adjectives, well understood, like productivity that have no ethical meanings. Needless to say, American model has been the most productive, America was built on drudgery and toil. Take a look at the state of their economy, while it might be in trouble (other economies are in trouble as well) it is the most efficient economy in the world and in my humble opinion will stay like that for a long time.

There are also more social models, like Scandinavian countries, where government lets rich people to be rich but also taxes them enormously so that poor and needy people are provided with basic needs, they won't be driving Mercedes but they will have food and shelter. Evolution doesn't care (because it is not conscious), it would let these people die, it is people that modified the pure evolution and applied ethical and moral standards to it. For innovation it might be bad but who said that innovation is an ultimate goal? What if we evolve slower, if drugs are invented slower, if we drive cars without GPS, at the same time supporting people in the society, which were less fortunate? Again ethical questions.

The ethical question, which model is better is in fact asking a question about a fitness function of a society. Is it more important for a society to innovate and be productive or is it more important for a society to make sure that all of its members have shelter and food and can live with dignity. Probably like in all aspects of live, it is vital to find a good balance. I might be horribly wrong but I think great Britain might provide a good balance.

Property prices in Colorado (Denver) and L.A. (California)

2008-06-14T23:07:00.001+01:00

L.A. is pretty expensive, from what I have seen it is as expensive as London with prices around 400.000 for 1 bed flat in Santa Monica, Denver in Colorado on another hand is quite cheap, you can buy 1 bedroom flat for 120.000 american dollars. It makes me think that Poland is pretty expensive nowadays with prices around 100.000 american dollars for 1 bedroom flat in Szczecin!

GWT Login applet

2008-06-11T21:23:00.001+01:00

Thanks to my colleque from one of my previous work places I found out that the company I used to work for (NCDC) has recently open sourced a very nice GWT module. The module is very similar to gdm start up screen where you can select a user from a list and then you enter the password and voila you are logged in. This module has been released under Apache license so you can use it in a commercial project.

I am experimenting with this module because it is a perfect fundation for a set of GWT projects that I am expected to deliver for Shopzilla Europe in the next couple of months. In fact, I was thinking of writing something like that myself! I would probably struggle to convience my manager or a product manager though. Thanks NCDC chaps! In case of my application the major focus is to make sure it works with our Active Directory LDAP server, because our users hate to have different logins and passwords for different applications. This module (ncdc-web-login) does not provide LDAP authentication but I was told that there are plans to open source services like that as part of this or a different project. A really nice bell and whistle is that the widet (GWT module) supports avatars from LDAP server based on photo thumbnails! awesome!

Address to the project: http://code.google.com/p/ncdc-web-login/

GWT problem and solutioon

2008-06-10T10:53:00.001+01:00

I started to investigate GWT and I stumbled across a problem immediately with hello world application.

While trying to run Hello-Shell I got an exception:

mati@mati-ubuntu:~/local/gwt-linux-1.5.0/samples/Hello$ ./Hello-shell
** Unable to load Mozilla for hosted mode **
java.lang.UnsatisfiedLinkError: /home/mati/local/gwt-linux-1.5.0/mozilla-1.7.12/libxpcom.so: libstdc++.so.5: cannot open shared object file: No such file or directory
at java.lang.ClassLoader$NativeLibrary.load(Native Method)
at java.lang.ClassLoader.loadLibrary0(ClassLoader.java:1751)
at java.lang.ClassLoader.loadLibrary(ClassLoader.java:1647)
at java.lang.Runtime.load0(Runtime.java:770)
at java.lang.System.load(System.java:1005)
at com.google.gwt.dev.shell.moz.MozillaInstall.load(MozillaInstall.java:190)
at com.google.gwt.dev.BootStrapPlatform.init(BootStrapPlatform.java:44)
at com.google.gwt.dev.GWTShell.main(GWTShell.java:355)
mati@mati-ubuntu:~/local/gwt-linux-1.5.0/samples/Hello$ mati@mati-ubuntu:~/local$ #

After few minutes of blogging it turns out that on Ubuntu 8.04 you have to install an additional package:

sudo apt-get install libstdc++5

that have resolved my problem!

JDK 6 update 5 has got a new JAX-WS 2.1

2008-05-22T22:23:00.001+01:00

Java JDK 6 update 5 has got a new JAX-WS 2.1 version. JAX-WS 2.1 among many things has support for WS-Addressing.

JAX-WS 2.1 - Dynamically changing endpoint address for Yahoo Webservices

2008-05-22T22:22:00.001+01:00

At Shopzilla I am currently developing an application that uses Yahoo Webservices (EWS 4.0). One frustration I had today was that they have a special location service that you need to call to get IP address before you can call any other service. I have used wsimport from JDK6 to generate JAXB annotated classes from WSDL document but then I realised that all WSDL documents apart from LocationService.wsdl have a fake port definition in their WSDL file. Something like. USE_ADDRESS_FROM_LOCATION_SERVICE. Now JAX-WS relies heavily on WSDL also at runtime so I couldnt dynamically change the endpoint address. I thought about downloading WSDL file and replacing this string: USE_ADDRESS_FROM_LOCATION_SERVICE with an actual endpoint address but this solution seemed to be hacked and I thought to my self -> there must be a better way of doing this. After researching, poking around and googling I found it!

In JAX-WS every port which you can get from XXXServiceService is a proxy that implements BindingProvider.

You have to cast your port to BindingProvider and get public abstract java.util.Map getResponseContext(); from it. Request context is just a map mapping a string to an object.
When you do that you have to put BindingProvider.ENDPOINT_ADDRESS_PROPERTY property to that request context with the full endpoint address and voila! It works like a charm!

ADOBE AIR: New Parleys.com website!

2008-05-22T16:19:00.001+01:00

Parleys.com has launched today a new version of their website. It is built using Adobe AIR and I can finally watch presentation on my ubuntu box with power point presentations and before I was forced to use windows for that reason!

Trip to the US

2008-05-19T19:49:00.001+01:00

I am flying to America on 27th of May and I will be back on 7th June (11 days). I have B1/B2 VISA for ten years (sic!).

VISA application and my visit to Shozilla in Los Angeles

2008-05-12T15:55:00.001+01:00

My USA VISA application was successful and I will be flying to Los Angeles for two weeks.

Motley Fool and stock market investments

2008-05-11T12:15:00.001+01:00

I am studying how to invest on stock exchange. I began my journey by reading a book Motley Fool -> Online Guide to Investing.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Motley-Fool-Fools-Online-Investing/dp/0752218107/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210504071&sr=8-2

Having read that I am reading now
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Motley-Fool-Investment-Workbook-Books/dp/0743229983/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210504071&sr=8-5

This book is supposed to teach me how to evaluate financial position of the company. Learn how to interpret various metrics for quantative analysis and teach some obvious things happening on stock exchange. I have read half of the book and so far I must say half of it was childish but the other half is pretty decent and dives into what I was expecting to find in this book. Currently I am reading a chapter on analysis of financial statements of companies, which ought to be published every year. I must admit that some metrics might be misleading, for instance if company has got lots of Accounts Receiveable you would think it is good. That means that many other companies or people own money to company but company needs to collect that money. If that value increases and the current assets (cash) does not increase -> that means that company has problems collecting its debt and it is considered to be bad debt. There are many more metrics to analyse and I am really just scratching the surface.

Have you ever traded on stock exchange? Do you have any useful tips?

ESBs and Mule

2008-05-11T11:33:00.001+01:00

At work I am creating one application and I am considering to use ESB in future. I am not sure if it is going to be a sensible approach to the problem I am trying to resolve. I was looking the other day on amazon Mule 2.0 book is going to be published soon. There are lots of books on ESBs and I have number of them but they are very generic, talk about message routing, message exchange patterns. ESBs might be a level of complication which we might not need so I will try to establish that. KISS principle will be a driving force but too much KISS also limits as well so it is a balance thing.

The reason I consider Mule is that I think we can free users from "pointless clicking" by automating data exchange between applications. The trick is that I still need to build few applications before I can start thinking about automating data exchange between them. The idea is that every application will have a user interface so that a human being can interrupt process and fix it but in addition every application will have an automated interface for internal inter-application data exchange. I must admit that one problem is also to decide on granuality of applications and services, which ones should be deployed in separate processes and which services should be part of the same application.

The other problem is that some changes might require cooperation with US and them exposing some services via REST or SOAP and they have different set of priorities so to sync all of this might be a challange.

I have seen number of presentation from parleys.com about Mule and ESBs in investment banking and I think I understand more about how it works. We have specific requirements in which we have lots of data exchange (huge files) so not every solution might work out.

JMX and JManage

2008-05-09T10:37:00.001+01:00

Since I joined Shopzilla I have been developing one application. As most applications this application has two parts, one is core and one is web application. I wanted to deliver something that is usable as quickly as possible for users. Users are in fact employees of the company so it could be quick and dirty but not much. Users I deal with don't like command like applications and don't have skills to install things like java, python, perl or ruby.

I found a brilliant solution, which has proven to be the right so far. It is JMX. JMX is bit techy but a lot boils down to a frontent application. One is limited in certain way, user interface cannot be as sophisticated as it could be if everything was developed from scratch but the speed at which you can deliver something that works is exceptional.

I have delivered a core and an useable graphical applications after 3 weeks of working. This already provides a business value and Shopzilla is able to monetize on that!

I recommend JManage to everyone it is also brilliant for monitoring of production applications (it was designed to be just that) but can be used for internal applications as user interface is really appealing.

http://www.jmanage.org

Useful Linux commands

2008-05-07T23:15:00.001+01:00

http://www.pixelbeat.org/cmdline_pl_PL.html

Finding a jar containing a class

2008-05-07T09:14:00.001+01:00

I found a nice script that searches through all of your jar files and finds which jars have a particular class. It is a shell script:

mati@mati-ubuntu:~/.m2/repository$ find . -name *.jar -exec csh -c ' (jar tvf $1 | grep org.springframework.jdbc.UncategorizedSQLException) && echo "======= found in $1" ' '{}' \;

IPod and Podcasts

2008-05-06T09:31:00.001+01:00

I am a happy owner of 80GB IPod and I must say that I like it a lot. I use it mainly to listen to my favourite podcasts. ITunes is full of podcast feeds. My favourite podcasts are:
1. BBC Focus Podcast
2. Polskie Radio - Nauka
3. Polskie Radio - Radionowela - Motel w Pol Drogi
4. Software Engineering Radio
5. Bloomberg news
6. BBC's Digital Planet
7. In Our Time with Melvyn Brag (BBC Radio 4)
8. Parleys.com
9. Java Posse
10. Google's Developer Podcast
11. ThoughtWorks Podcast

Scrum

2008-05-06T09:19:00.001+01:00

New job comes with new responsibilities but also knowledge. Here at Shopzilla they use Scrum and I must admit that so far I like this agile methodology. We have daily scrums in which we quickly tell each other what we are working on. We plan iteration in so called sprints. A lot of these practices I have been doing before but the whole thing was more chaotic, scrum introduces common sense project management practices worth following. I am still learning Scrum so don't consider to me an expert!

You can listen to this great scrum interview with Roman Pichler. It is worth listening.

http://www.se-radio.net/podcast/2007-06/episode-60-roman-pichler-scrum

Extrapolation

2008-02-23T13:12:00.001Z

The problem that nettles me is whether it is possible to use extrapolation, aproximation (various kinds) only on historical data from stock market for discret companies to be able to get a yield of 12% each year. Why only on historical data and only on 12%? Well 12% year to year is a lot as long as it is stable. I am reading recently a book on investment on stock markets and one thing is said there is that since its beginning a stock market in the US gave yield of an average 12% year to year. Of course, some years it was 50%, some it was -40% what counts is the average. It must be said that the best online saving account in the uk gives an interest of around 6.50% (HiSaver account) -> see www.fool.co.uk). 6.50% is decent rate but there is tax on top of that, so nett it is about 5%.

I am aware that historical data should not be used as the only source of information that influences stock market prices. As a matter of fact there are many sources of information. For instance for agrocultural companies a very important source of information would be whether next year there will be a draught. The problem is that we need to get lots of semantically well defined data for computer program to be able to reason about the future. For that purpouse we can use SOA and let a computer system collect relevant data from many different sources to be able to reason about the future. Speaking in mathematical language we always want to have a function from now, known point (today) to some not so distant point in the future, lets say next day or a week. That function shape is determinated by many factors and to be able to build it from these factors first we have to have lots of data and then to write an algorithm that calculates this function from known set of data. Shape of the function will change based on current data but historical data will also be taken into account. I am sure many have attempted to write a computer system that would be able to do that. Well that would be my dream. I just want a stable yield of 12% year to year.

Equality in Ruby - == eql? and equal?

2008-02-13T20:22:00.001Z

The == comparison checks whether two values are equal

eql? checks if two values are equal and of the same type

equal? checks if two things are one and the same object.

How do I remember which is which ... The longer the operator, the more restrictive the test it performs

Example:

irb(main):013:0> val = 17
=> 17
irb(main):014:0> val == 17.0
=> true
irb(main):015:0> val.eql?(17.0)
=> false
irb(main):016:0> val.eql?(17)
=> true
irb(main):017:0> val.equal?(17)
=> true
(written 2006-12-14 16:49:47)

Relativity

2008-01-21T19:34:00.000Z

Polish zloty seems soo strange, driving on the left side seems so natural.... This is saying a person who was almost killed when crossing over roads when first in the UK!

Use Xvfb (fake xserver) to avoid AWT HeadlessException

2008-01-21T13:13:00.000Z

Today I had a problem at work, one java application was supposed to be desktop environment agnostic but because it has bugs it throws AWT HeadlessException on ubuntu-server. As you know ubuntu-server doesnt have xserver installed.

I though that I could find an xserver implementation, which would be dummy and would fool my java application that is it running in desktop environment.

As it turns out ubuntu has in its repositories Xvfb type: sudo apt-get install xvfb
I dont think you even need xserver-xorg for this to work.

Example usage:
Xvfb :1 -screen 0 1024x768x8 &
export DISPLAY=":1"
java java_app.jar

Vocabulary Reminder

2008-01-14T22:00:00.000Z

Learning language is hard, it takes lots of effort to memorise various words, expressions and idioms. I realized that on a daily basis [at work] I could learn english if only I had an application that would distrub me and present a word, expression or idiom and it's polish transaction every x minites.
The key here is that it cannot be a dictionary from the internet, it needs to be my personal dictionary. I realize I cannot learn language by studying random words from a dictionary. My strategy is different, when I stumble across a word or an expression that I don't know I jot it down and then I look it up in dictionary along with an example. Rigid dicipline pays off, now I have three notebooks full of words from books, articles, Internet, movies from public television. Speaking of TV I really like Digitial Terrestial Television [DTT] in the uk as you can turn on subtitles for movies and programs and you can fit many channels in one analog channel band. Depending on encryption you can fit more than 8 channels, if there are just radio channels, number is huge thanks to using encryption. This is all MPEG2, so imagine if in future this will be replaced by MPEG4 or its successor, huge potential.

So much for a digression. Speaking of Vocabulary Reminder I already learned basics of ruby so I decided I will try this scripting language for proof of concept application. I used gtk (ruby gtk bindings) and in about half an hour or less I had a working proof of concept application. Parsing of XML is about 2-3 lines of code! I have created xml file and started process of transfering my private vocabulary from paper notebooks to xml.

I have lots of plans to improve application and design it properly, introduce 'I remember' and 'I forgot' buttons that will provide data on whether a priority for a certain word should be increased during word selection process. I am planning to use a roulette wheel algorithm for that purpouse, which is quite popular in genetics algorithms when individual units need to be selected in gene selection process. I also need to investigate glade app and whether I could use it to design a gtk form.

Ruby code:
require 'gtk2'
require 'rexml/document'

#author: Mateusz Szczap (Mateusz.Szczap@gmail.com)
#version: alpha 0.1

def show_window(english_word,polish_word,example_sentence)
Gtk.init
window = Gtk::Window.new()
window.set_title("Vocabulary Reminder")
window.set_window_position(Gtk::Window::POS_CENTER)
window.set_default_size(800,800)

vbox = Gtk::VBox.new
hbox = Gtk::HBox.new

english_label = Gtk::Label.new
english_label.selectable = true
english_label.set_markup("#{english_word}")

polish_label = Gtk::Label.new
polish_label.selectable = true
polish_label.set_markup("#{polish_word}")

example_label = Gtk::Label.new
example_label.set_markup("#{example_sentence}")

button = Gtk::Button.new("I remember!")
button.signal_connect('clicked') {
#window.destroy
}

hbox.add(english_label)
hbox.add(polish_label)

vbox.add(hbox)
vbox.add(example_label)
vbox.add(button)

window.add(vbox)

window.signal_connect('destroy') {
Gtk.main_quit
}

window.show_all

Gtk.main

end

def every_n_seconds(n)
loop do
before = Time.now
yield
interval = n-(Time.now-before)
sleep(interval) if interval > 0
end
end

def randomize(doc)
no_of_elements = doc.root.elements.size
random_index = (1+rand(no_of_elements))

return random_index
end

def lookup_random_voc
doc = REXML::Document.new(File.open('vocabulary.xml'))
random_index = randomize(doc)

english_word = doc.root.elements[random_index].attributes['english']
polish_word = doc.root.elements[random_index].attributes['polish']
example_word = doc.root.elements[random_index].attributes['example']

return english_word,polish_word,example_word

end

every_n_seconds(5*60) {
english_word,polish_word,example_word = lookup_random_voc
show_window(english_word,polish_word,example_word)
}
end of ruby code

You can alter the code in every_n_seconds and instead replace 5 with your desired number of minutes to display a screen.

Example of vocabulary.xml

Moving from jroller.com

2008-01-14T21:51:00.000Z

I decided to move my blog from jroller to blogger.com