Are you a dormant sadist?

Sadism is more subtle than you think. "Sadism comes with a goofy smile, some sleazy glitter and a cackle."

In Milgram experiment, under power of the authority, 65!!!!% of people went all the way to the highest VOLTAGE to condition students".

What I have observed is something totally scary but I have no proof for that at all. It is only based on my personal life experience and partially generalization effort. There are psychological types that will have higher probability to consciously inflict pain than others. Red and Yellow types have higher probability to inflict pain than Blue and Green types. I don’t exactly know why but I think a lot boils down to brain and the neuroscience. Did you know that high levels of oxytocin will mean that you will feel more empathy towards other beings? Green types have naturally high levels of oxytocin, where as Red and Yellow types don’t. They have more testosterone. People are often blends, so for instance a Yellow and Green type will have some bits of oxytocin. This is all about natural empathy. There is also something like conscious empathy, which means through education, intelligence you can become more empathetic. Conscious actions can fix any subconscious actions pretty much. The problem is that subconscious actions account for more than half of your actions and less than a half are conscious. This will mean that more often you will behave the way your subconsciousness is telling you rather than your consciousness. This is important to understand because it means it is hard to fix yourself even if you try. Realization of the problem is 50% of the solution though. Some people don’t think they have a problem, so they cannot solve it.

On the other hand, just to show you that I try to be as little prejudiced as possible, if you take a look at Roman Catholic way of bringing up children in Poland between 1900-2000, you will notice that priests and nuns were very strict to pupils. Priests are often blue and nuns are often green. That would be against my theory of yellow and red being the only source of bad on this planet. Pupils were beaten with a rubber, they were forced to stand in the corner and many more. It is really hard to know how to bring up children but that is topic for another blog post - once I gather some opinions and bring up a child myself, which may take me a few years...

Are you scared of yourself? You should be. Doubt yourself and control the dormant sadist in you. Never let power of authority forget about humanity and who you truly are. The power of authority can be very powerful... 65% of population is more than half and psychiatrists were asked a question on how many percents will go all the way to the highest voltage and the answer was 1%...

How to Deal With Extroverted Women - Two Strategies

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

This is how yellow/red women often behave or maybe in general women but I wouldn’t say all of them are like that. Especially extroverted women. Marilyn Monroe was very much an extroverted woman or a blend between extroverted and introverted.

In psychology a cookbook story suggests that there is only one solution to relationship - based on mutual trust and respect. If you think about this, this is not really possible, because people fight, ego vs ego. Subconscious ego is an evil in a human being, so it means an evil in one human fights with an evil in another human. What is important is that ego should not be confused with identity of a person, it is a subconscious force.

Modern psychology is not as sure that there is only one solution so many traditional psychology books while focus on the most perfect type of love, it is hard to imagine that one would ever find one like that. Most certainly one won’t. Well maybe only in dreams. As with every war [war of egos] one side eventually needs to surrender. Perhaps a sweet surrender, like Sarah MacLachlan signs.

Some people are just very naturally difficult to handle and it is hard for them to be in long term relationships because they don’t want to change, and NEVER because of someone - no matter how much they love that person. If you analyze life of Marylin Monroe it is clearly visible. She died at age of 36, went through a few short relationships.
They MAY [and one should not hope really] change because they are loved for all they are - with all their advantages and disadvantages. I have actually observed this on one person and yes that person has changed through love over years of a relationship, changed partially. They seek somebody that will accept them for all they are without wanting to change them. A lot depends on what kind of father they had, if father was allowing them anything and has spoilt them - they will expect a man to allow them anything. Fathers often love their daughters so much that they allow them to do what they want, well almost. Another type of father is a stringent tyrant or a strict parent that will terrorize a child in one way or another. One could think that of course balance should be in place but we human beings always have problems with balance, either we swing from tyranny to being too nice and being too permissive.

That person may be in a relationship with a builder and negotiator type [blue + green] that will want to change yellow or red girl. Builders are very moral and they want amoral yellow people to behave in the right way. Their right way, so to speak. Since there is no right way, either one behaves like this or like that. If the relationship is to survive then most probably people will depart from each other, living in a dead marriage bound by money or a child together. One person will allow another one to do what they want, thus often hardly even spending time together. Time spend together would result in conflicts. I have seen a dead marriage like this in my life, eventually a moral builder guy, after 14 years, was left for a guy that was permissive and allowed a woman to be all she wanted accepting 99% of her actions but counted all the money he ever lend to her, this leaving himself a bit of being nasty. Marilyn Monroe type will be the way she wants with the guy that accepts her all she is or she will be single. It is hard to imagine any other scenario.

In Christian religion, the guy is always right and a woman should listen, in this case surrender to him. That is a sexist view indeed but there is more to it. When a woman is in control she also has the power over all things in life, it requires enormous trust from a guy’s point of view in that woman to know what she is doing. If she herself doesn’t know what she is doing, it can create a very messy situation. What if she knows what she is doing except that there are many ways in which something can be accomplished? What if people do not agree on those ways? This creates inevitable tension. One person is free and another person is free but to be together one needs to be less free than another one. There is no other way.

So an extroverted woman yellow and red woman to be and love a blue and green guy she most love him above everything and most likely it won’t happen. So a better type for an extroverted woman is a red and blue guy, or yellow and green. Either they will be permissive or they will stealth manipulate her, so well that she won’t even notice. How do I know that yellow and red guys/girls stealth manipulate, well I have seen it many times and I like psychology so I can spot these things. They also sometimes cheat and lie :(. Another solution is when a blue and green guy changes to be more permissive and let the red and yellow woman be the way she wants to be and either she stays with him or she gets bored and leaves him. Either he accepts and she accepts or... freedom for both but apart. The problem of the last strategy, i.e. being permissive to yellow and red - that doesn’t have solution is that one cannot love the person that doesn’t respect themselves. So it is a bit doomed as well :( It is so hard, hard to think about happy long term ending in any case, yet we people want to love and want to be loved and it is hard to imagine that it will ever change.

The Quest For the Truth

Based on a few recent life experiences I can conclude there is no truth. It is not that we know what is good or bad at a particular moment in time. What initially appears to be bad may be a good act. Sounds bizarre - I know. The future unravels whether the bad act was a bad act initially and good for the future or it was just a bad act.

You should never believe when someone tells you that he/she knows the truth. Only God knows the truth and human beings are unable to predict the future in 100%, maybe 99% AT MOST. I would support a notion agreeing with philosopher Bennet that organism develop ability to predict the future based on life experiences.

There are many Gods, in Christian religion it is different than in, for instance, Hinduism, where there are many Gods and each of them serves a particular purpose. I am a spiritual person for sure and now I do lean more do Christian vision of the truth but even I cannot call it an absolute truth at this stage. Although many books will point to the Bible as the word of God and the absolute truth. The Bible has been written by humans and is probably the most accurate word of God known to human kind. In fact a book I have been reading online recently claims that if one doubts in Bible as the only source of the Truth that means Satan is speaking through them. That would mean there is Satan in me :(. However, what about all those religions that are not Christian? Are people that believe in them going to serve in heaven or reign in hell? We don't know, one Catholic priest once told me that they may go to heaven but it is hard to know what God will decide because they didn't have Christianity in their culture. This is suggesting that Christianity is the only right way. I don't think so but I am becoming more and more Christian. While I don't know many other things about other religions but for me Christianity also teaches you how to be a good human being, repent sins, be peaceful to your enemies and many more. In a sense I am a Christian skeptic. Some of the things that priests said were personal opinions rather than things written in the Bible. Mind that you Bible has many people that interpret it slightly differently!!! This adds even more complexity. Untold things people think up themselves. This makes sense. This is so called conjecture based reasoning or projections where a person will interpret unknown and missing information in favor of it’s own desires and beliefs. In Polish we say: “co gluchy nie uslyszy to zmysli” - which means what a deaf person cannot hear they will conjure up. I met also various people that follow Hinduism, some of them claimed they know the truth, others didn’t. Now I tend to trust more the ones that don’t know the truth. Having said that, I cannot 100% believe a priest so you should definitely not believe me! :) It is up to you really. That is why we were born with reason and illogicality to be able to merge those things together. A merge is somewhat troublesome and time and intelligence is necessary to reveal meaning of illogicality. I would resort more to reason though because emotions and things that come are somewhat arbitrary. A marriage of both can be amazing and horrible, you can also think of literal marriage between a man and a woman. This can create a total differentiability, one person is driven by reason another by spirituality. Totally opposite leanings. Despite what you may think, I do actually resort to illogical thinking and am driven by my subconscious thinking sometimes, as long as it is not too risky and the consequences are irreversible or not that scary for me. I do have whims from time to time, like I strongly feel I need to do something and I do it but I think many many many times before I make a decision that is often irreversible and forever, like break up with a partner or leaving the company. Some people however - break up and they come together, leave the company - see it was a bad decision and try to come back to the previous one. In fact some people think that you should kill for love, so you should break up with someone just to see if they really love you or to control them. Recently, in the UK there was a poster of a woman - “I kill for love”. By breaking up a person can exploit’s another person’s victim’s complex and can manipulate that person. It is a dangerous game because if you do it to a psycho, someone that cannot see the difference between the feeling and reality they may actually come to kill you. A woman should be afraid what games she plays because the weapon you use to kill, may be the weapon you die from. They probability is quite low for this but it is possible. This reminds me of the movie Broken Embraces - Almovodar movie, where Penelope Cruz leaves the guy and he eventually pushes her from stairs. She is a naughty one and likes to play games but she is also quite lazy as a person and indifferent to suffering of a human being. A true evil in disguise if you think about it.

Sometimes when we leave, we leave forever with no intention of coming back but I wouldn't burn bridges unless they are a really bad bridges, depends to what they are bridges and how much the person that let you down can cause damage in your future life. If they did treachery, apply your moral standards to a treachery but try not to be too horrible. That is what I think. Others often the ones that also have biased moral standards do not judge others.

“Nie sądźcie, a nie będziecie sądzeni; nie potępiajcie, a nie będziecie potępieni; odpuszczajcie, a będzie wam odpuszczone.”

More here [In Polish]:
http://www.taize.fr/pl_article4031.html

translates to... “don’t judge, so you will not be judged, don’t condemn and you will not be condemned, forgive so that you will be forgiven”

Well, it is hard to know what to do, I don’t always know. I try emotions not to take over me in making a decision. Usually the future relation to a person shows me whether it was a good decision or in a case of a company - the next one I join to - whether I feel comfortable there.

Even Bible contains very complex events to explain - like Sodom and Gomorrah, why would God punish so many people. It almost appears like it is evolutionary - evolution also kills beings, but except for bad moral acts evolution kills weaker. Can you see the difference? Evolution destroys the weaker ones and God destroys the not obedient ones. So if there is just evolution and there is God, there is no way to know the difference. The God is truly undetectable on a larger scale. If you can see miracles of Him in your life but no one would ever proof the God, so God will always be subjective and maybe this is the way it should be - considering that free will is the most important and freedom for all of us. I would actually wish sometimes I had less freedom than I have and would prefer to be more obedient to Christian way. At least this is what I think now. Today. I am leaning back to Christianity, who knows maybe to come back to something else in the future. Even I cannot predict myself - even though I consider myself to be a person of a fairly stable beliefs. Maybe that part of me is the seeker - the seeker of the impossible to find truth.
In polish we say - “you learn all life and you die stupid”.

Quest for the truth - is not an easy quest - in fact, it is an impossible quest to find out the truth but honestly quite adventurous and shapes one’s world’s view. I can have more experience to say smart things... as opposed to practice racism, be indifferent to things and people, sexism, ignorance and specism, etc.

While a bit off topic, I genuinely think that we are naturally GOOD or BAD but over the course of our life we can change, from bad we become good, from good we become bad. It is a hard work and many people are lazy to change. Maybe the ones that are good should lean to badness and the ones that are good should lean to goodness? Well, this is what happens in relationships very very often - falling in love is differential - which means a good person falls in love in a devil and hopes that the devil will change. The devil maybe hopes the good person will change, so they hope all their life and who knows maybe some of them do change? A Polish Priest Tischner said that suffering will enrich you, so pain you experience in love - inevitable pain can change you or the partner in some way. This is what Jung wrote: ”Against an impossible love, one should wait and see the meaning of it.” Impossible love is the differential love, where people can only change through love but that is not guaranteed. I observed that people did change in love in long term relationships in some ways, in others they didn’t. So it works partially but good that it works at all!
Naturally it makes sense for the natural bad person change into a good person, as opposed to opposite! That is what I think. The badness should be obedient to goodness but they may fight from time to time. Unfortunately - necessary fights. Who wins? The stronger.... oh let’s be strong then because no one likes sissies :) That part is truly evolutionary - in evolution the stronger one wins and concept of a game in relationship emerges :( I personally don’t like love games.

So don’t trust the truth. I don’t claim I am the truth. Knowing the truth would require one to be 100% that one can predict the future events and whether they are good decisions. I don’t think anyone can claim it, people maybe can claim various percents. At this stage I may oscillate around 1-5% in certain aspects of my life. Obviously, it is not something I can mathematically calculate, more like feeling.

I don’t know the truth in life. I just have an opinion. Do you know the truth? Doubt anything. Doubt yourself and doubt others. Wait and see what is the meaning behind everything in the future. Try to predict the future as much as you can and make wise choices. This is my motto.

If there is no truth but there is only a pointer to the truth, what is your truth and you seeking the truth may change over time for you. You should learn to accept it and always understand why it has changed. It requires you to be reflective.

On sensation seeking women [yellow, red + yellow + red] and pornography

Following some of recent posts on Facebook I was a little bit surprised, only a little bit because I already knew that some of these things are happening often in the background of relationships.
I noticed that on Facebook girls a few times posted things like: “I like it on the sofa” and many similar ones which I cannot even remember. I don’t think they posted it, I am 99% sure that their boyfriends had access to their computer and they posted that. I happen to know that these women are in relationships, are yellow or yellow and green and I often know with what type of guys because I was invited to parties and had a chance to talk to them. Why would those women allow such behaviour, does it mean all women that are sensation seeking allow this behaviour? Not really. That is good news.

If you have read my post on Swedish Steps, take a look in previous blog history - then you know that one of the most powerful type of humiliations and causing psychological pain is actually - public humiliation. Little bit lesser damaging and more subtle are: being stood up, forgetting birthdays, being numb and cold but far the best one is to publicly humiliate someone. It can only work provided that the person trusts and loves the person that humiliates and the person that is being humiliated it daft enough and has a very bad pre-frontal cortex to be able to stop and think about this type of behaviour and understand what does it mean and what does it lead to. Sensation seeker woman can also can be sensitive and many people don’t know that being hurt and seeking the sensation of pain can be stimulating. That is why sensation seekers like it, because otherwise relationship becomes too boring, too predictable - and not stimulating enough. Anyone who probably reads this must think - how sick is this. That is applying moral judgement and yes in the long term it probably won’t work because eventually friends, other people and the person itself will notice it and will be strong enough to break this vicious circle. It can take years though!!! As I said especially susceptible are sensation seekers with low self esteem. It turns out most of us have some complexes so a skillful manipulator can easily exploit those. In fact, a woman often provides a feedback about her complexes. It couldn’t be easier then.

Those type of story is sometimes referred in psychological books as Pornography Story, where one partner debases and despises another one. This causes the other one to feel bad and suffer - thus something appealing to sensation seekers. There are many ways that sensation can be sought, in our society, for instance, it is believed that physical violence is a bad thing. Of course it is but comparing to psychological - physical violence is less painful. It hurts a bit and stops. Psychological one has far more reaching consequences and is also harder to detect. If you deeply think about this - this is conditioning from Pavlov’s stand point as well, except the person that is conditioned must know why they are so bad and be punished for it and enjoy it in the process. Sometimes they don’t even know why they are punished for, it doesn’t even matter. A spank is a spank, whatever.

There is another problem to all of this, in pornography story - the assumption is that when you love a woman - she will leave you. If you are brave enough to despise her, it means you love yourself more than her. You would never despise anyone you truly love. Well, those that truly love are often - but not always - left behind. It really depends on woman’s pre-frontal cortex and how clever she is to stop and think, many of them are not - but I do know a few that understand this mechanism and enjoy happier long term relationship with partners that do not play these sort of games. However, to my great surprise these women often do play these games and those partners are often puzzled on how this is possible. It almost looks like almost one person will have tendencies to fuck around. Sometimes it is not even a game - sometimes it is being bored, sometimes it is being clumsy and careless, it is enough. It is almost impossible for anyone without extensive psychological knowledge to differentiate between a subconscious or conscious despising or just simply being lazy, forgetful or clumsy. It is just very hard and has to be understood.

Why no one talks about this in society? It is a taboo topic. Yet, many couples like that are in relationships and worse of all very few of us can help these people. Contrary to what you may think - sometimes help is not necessary, sometimes they know what is happening and they allow it. If someone wants to commit a suicide they go and jump off the bridge - after all they have a free will, so I think we should also give them free will. Problem is when they do not understand what is happening, so that they cannot make more conscious decision about their future. This is worrying then.

The last the most “amazing” type of a woman you can imagine is the one that understands this mechanism, loves psychology, has good pre-frontal cortex to stop and think and at the same time she is a sensitive - sensation seeker and doesn’t like manipulation. If she doesn’t settle for a good person - she is very likely to be single. It makes sense. Just think about it. There is not other way anything else could ever work. Oh well, there are extreme sports as well but that is not a relationship :)

Sometimes I think it is hard to apply moral judgement because these people didn’t choose their brain. We have different brains and different levels of hormones - dopamine, serotonie, oxytocin and testosteron. When you have a lot of dopamine by default - you need to have a lot to have any sensation that would be interesting to you. When you have naturally low level and more oxytocin - very small quantity is stimulating and you don’t need these extra things. Yellow people do need a lot of dopamine for nice sensations or they get bored. However, in family and in the society this has far reaching consequences - a child may see a mother being beaten, shouted, treated like a second class citizen. Friends may see this behaviour and I have seen it so many times, whenever, I see it I can only be silent because what else can I say. This is not a happy silence for me.

I have known good people that changed their attitude to be able to settle with a sensation seeking woman towards a despising attitude. Some people have it naturally - others need to change if they allow it morally. Others, like me, don’t want to change, choose goodness instead. The ones that have the easiest job are actually the liars, cheaters and people that deceive a lot. Smile to you but in fact are hypocritical. For them it comes naturally - they don’t have to change because they are like that.

Games have been tried on me but I have a pre-frontal cortex is in a good shape so I am able to stop and think but I could see on myself how it could work on a sensation seeker. Our brains are indeed different but not that different for me to be able to experience things and understand what others could be experiencing as well.

We live in a society, a society has certain norms and standards, I don’t go around and piss on walls, I don’t spit on people on the streets. It is amazing that for a sensation seeker a sensation is so important that they are even willing to put up with a humiliation of this sort to experience thrills of it. I will judge it and I do judge it, it is sick. Maybe being too good, constantly bestowing woman and being a sissy is also sick but despising like this is also sick.

Evolution does favour strength, to play games like this often brains of two people need to be strong enough to handle so many dopamine injections. It is a ride big time, eventually the one that is able to handle dopamine injections in a more calm and relaxed manner becomes controlling in a relationship, often accidentally. So you can do whatever you want, if your brain is weak you are fucked. You didn’t choose your brain... evolution and genetics did choose for you. There is an assumption here - both people need to start from similar feelings of intensive love, otherwise even your brain is weaker you may still reject a person that would otherwise be stronger than you. It is when you don’t love them you don’t feel love.

There is no TRUTH, people have different meanings of the words we commonly use. So for a sensation seeker love requires a constant state of feeling thrills and high, for a sensitive person it does not because it is there by default. So for a yellow person word love can potentially mean something else than for a blue person or a green person, the ones that do not need such enormous simulations to enjoy their feelings. Same word - different meanings - totally. Those intensive feelings will finish for a sensation seeker sooner than you imagine if you do not provide her enough of stimulation on a weekly or daily basis. Then as long as she feels something, she will get hurt and enjoy masochistic feelings of intensive “love”. I put ‘love’ in quotes because this is not what I personally view as love but as I said there is NO TRUTH, so it is just my opinon.

Now a digression on religion, why a religious yellow or yellow and green woman could be more likely to choose a good person. This is because religion constantly conditions us to be good and in Christian religion actually sadness is more natural state of being that happiness. Recall self flagellation. So seeking happiness is not the necessary component but rather salvation. Now think that happiness = sensation seeking for a sensation seeker. Also, there is a very strong emphasis on a subordination of a woman to a man and concept of sacrifice in a marriage. Now think about this, if those women are really religious they could choose rather a good person. Here is the thing, there is a correlation but often there needs to be some help in that as well. By help I mean for instance a child together, family support and praying to God to resolve and help to gain strength. When there is an external force to which one can pray and connect with there is a stronger probability for a success of a marriage I think. It is not a inevitable component but I would say highly desired. If you follow divorce rates that it is clearly visible that the ones being religious are divorcing fewer times. So connect your spirits, connection can be eternal, after all love is a never ending story.