Human relations and metadata

One of the primary reason that people misinterpret intentions of messages that people send to each other when they talk is lack of metadata. In computer programming metadata is data about data, usually that describes that original data. When we are scolded or told off especially we don't know what is the intention of that message is, does a person want to just tell us what they are telling us or there is a hidden meaning behind it, to put us down, to control us emotionally, etc, something bad in general. The way to combat this is to trust a human being and know that their intentions are good. It turns out that the trust is really difficult and most people have and should have problems with trust. Trust is something that one should develop over time despite that sometimes you might initially just trust someone without knowing why. You might not be aware but your subconsciousness can trust without your awareness. Unfortunately, even though you might be trained in psychology to spot someone untrustworthy, remember that their moral code might be different than yours, therefore it is not like they lie to you, they just have different opinions about something. Find out what their opinions are. There are three ways to lie without actually lying, one is when one does not know what one wants, another one is to have different opinion about something and third one is when one is crazy :). A drastic example is for instance, when someone cheats on you but they think that polygamous relationships are fine. They are not lying, are they, they have just different perspective and opinion to the one that you have, assuming you believe in monogamous relationships.

Last but not least, at some point in our lives we misinterpreted someone's intention and someone has misinterpreted our intention. A lot boils down to an emotional inteligence but also other factors are important, such as the fact that you may have different backgrounds with the person you talk, different bringing up, and yet different soul. Soul is the least tangible but it turns out that often people that are unable to communicate well are the people who somehow are very different "internally", they don't get on very well because their souls do not match. It is not very rational and hard to explain to talk about soul incompatibility so I am not surprised if you cannot comprehend it, I hardly can, if I can. It is more of my gut feeling than something that can be empirically verified.

Swimming Theory

Blue = colour of wisdom (introverted)
Green = colour of harmony and friendship (introverted)
Yellow = colour of smiling, happiness (extraverted)
Red = colour of action (extraverted)

It should occur between any human relations but obviously in partner relationships one perhaps should make more effort. The theory means that people should swim to other colours for that person. I call it swimming to each other [perhaps because I like swimming] :) but obviously it is a metaphor. It is rather mindset teleporting I would say. If you are a certain colour and your partner is opposite colour or adjacent colour, then by swimming to his/her primary colour you are able to connect with him or her in a better way. Obviously there are many ways to connect with a human being and the most effective and difficult one at the same time is a spiritual connection. For day to day relationships the best way to connect is to swim to someone's primary colour. For instance, if you are blue and the person is yellow, then smile for that person. If that person is yellow and they want to connect to you, the best way is surprisingly to be sad from time to time rather than laugh all the time without any apparent reason. Blue people do not like when people smile for no reason and for yellow people smile is so natural that it is like the default mode of operation. Then we can elaborate on it a bit, so if you are blue, you much prefer to write than to use voice communication, if you are yellow, then you much prefer voice and non-verbal communication as you are able to read more about that person using non-verbal channels. Therefore yellow people should write letters to blue people and blue people should call yellow people more often. That way two sides are continously doing something together to find a common connection. Another important thing is to find a matching colours, if I am blue and green [which is true by the way] and if someone is yellow and green, we connect on green colour. This means that colour of friendship and harmony is our common colour. When I am blue and green and I meet someone who is red and blue, then I can connect on blue with that person, which will mean that we will reflect and talk about intelectual topics [wisdom]. That does not mean I cannot smile and they cannot, that would be silly but what that mean it is that blue is connecting us therefore we can hold on to each other in that relationship based on that common colour.

Obviously human being are more complex than just one or two colours, they have different hobbies. Connecting and swimming based on someone's hobby can be finding what they are doing interesting, what turns them on. Needless to say, one should be honest about it. Being fake will be short term and through non-verbal channels they will detect that sooner or later.

People don't like when people swim to colours that are not their colours. For instance, if you are yellow you probably love to travel, if a blue person starts to talk about philosophy with you, this will put you off and you will be considered boring. If you want to travel as a yellow person with a blue person, they might not enjoy it as much as you think, second of all - since they are introverted and take energy from themselves rather than other people and places - the travelling might be exhausting for them.

You treat me like a princess

You treat me like a princess and I am not used to liking that.... - Alanis Morissette.

Alanis Morissette - Head Over Feet

It appears as though certain women do not want to be treated like princesses. Initially, I was really puzzled and did not understand this, now I understand a little bit more. It appears as though certain women - usually very popular and the ones that men fall for realize that men are often idealizing them and they themselves know that they are not perfect and they need to grow or be accepted the way they are [which often can be very hard for a guy]. They cannot grow next to a man that is idealizing them but only next to the one that sees their vices to be able to help to resolve some of them. No one wants to brag about their vices and weaknesses but smart people do realize that they are not perfect - no one is. Being not perfect does not mean that one cannot grow further. So in that sense treating like a princess thing means that a guy has to stop idealizing a woman - no matter how interesting she is but to see her advantages and vices. Obviously reminding someone every day of their vices is just horrible but being a friend [and it is basis of all relationships] in letting a woman grow next to a man is something certain women are looking for. Therefore, some of them will seek a challenging guy and a challenging guy is a guy that lets them grow next to them. The trick here is that some women end up with guys that indeed are challenging but at the same time despise them and treat them really badly or they end up with so called wussies, which means that they cannot grow next to a wussy because he is not challenging and idealizes that women too much. The problem with perfection is that it cannot be improved and some women seek constantly a way to improve themselves. Often they lack an inspiration or direction. I am not saying they are fools, far from it, everyone is able to be inspired by everyone. As a guy I have been inspired by many women, I think it is quite hard for a guy to be challenging and let a woman grow next to him and not slip into being an asshole. Perhaps it is possible then but perhaps not easy.

How to be a bitch and nurse - quick tutorial and reflections

I know that it sounds insane but that sort of thing in love and in relationships is actually possible. First, they will be bitchy. What I mean by bitchy is that he/she will show you how much they despise you in a subtle or not so subtle way and also put themselves first. That is when you love yourself more than them. If they are like that, the more clever person you meet the more she/he will show you how much they despise you in a clever way or the more they will love themselves rather than you. Then, since this type has a nurse as well this type will show you compassion, friendship and love. The combination is totally strange. How can you be a bitch and a compassionate person in one? It turns out you can. Imagine a cat, literaly, that first cuts you through it's claws and then comes to you and licks you. Assuming a human being can behave in a similar manner - the only thing that one can think of when one deals with a human being like this is what the heck?

It is like you met a person that comes to you, cuts you with a knife and then is wants to heal you and asks how you are and wants to help you. This is sick, in case you have not noticed. It turns out that some people are really good at that and people with low self esteem will be unable to leave this person and will be in vicious circle, especially when they fall in love. Mind you, that it is hard to create wounds for you and cut you if you don't fall in love, pain is very small, when you do fall in love, very subtle hurting over time can be very painful, over time, not over one day. It is an amazing psychological knowledge. I am sharing this with you in a hope that you will not abuse it but you will actually stop yourself from doing so. You are a very powerful person when someone falls in love in you, you can mess up someone a lot. I have seen it.

My theory is that for some people bitchy actions and behaviour are subconscious and support and help is conscious. It is like you were a born killer and you wanted to change in your life. That does not mean that you were not born as a killer. You were, you might just not be happy about it. Conciously you might not be happy about it but subconsciously, you are a killer.

The solution is to stop cutting and focus on honesty, love and remember that one can influence and hurt another person a lot when they do love us. That applies to me as well. I have to be very careful and I am. I have high moral standards, without bragging about it too much, some people - well they just let's say don't. They think love is innocent and one can play games to have fun. You can have fun but not when someone falls in love in you, then love games are really dangerous, for you and the partner. This has to be well understood.

Of course it is not that simple. Human beings are too complex and it is not possible to be able to peagant hole like this, sometimes a girl or a boy like that might not know want what he/she wants, another explaination for such actions is that it is hard to trust, therefore one is protecting oneself. One is protecting oneself to love them more than they feel they should and that they are afraid to trust that person so they become bitchy as a way to protect themselves. People are in general vulnerable and they protect themselves from suffering in various ways, sometimes by being cruel and brutal.

First and foremost, is to know what one wants from a partner. Surprisingly many people don't really know what they want, they keep searching but they don't know. For some people falling in love is the answer - if they fall in love it means she/she is that magical person - special someone. I am not sure that is true. After thinking about this for a while I reached a conclusion that falling in love might not be absolutely necessary, however, when you are in a relationship and then you fall in love in somebody while being in a relationship -> you might really have hard time as to know what to do. Good example of that was in a movie First Knight with Julia Ormond, where she has fallen in love in a young knight, while being wife of a king - played by Sean Connery. She had a really hard time, she didn't know what to do. Eventually, she was cheating on him and at the same time she was in love with the king. That is what usually happens with beautiful and interesting women and men in live, they have so much choice that they cheat, it is also their heart that is cheating on them - too much choice and evolutionary psychology on top of that. That is why it is not easy. It is a question, who controls who, do you control your heart or does your heart control you? Impossible to resolve as they say your heart is not your servant"

Falling in love can also be very problematic as it distracts you from getting to know this person as you idealize them [looking though pink glasses] and you think about them all the time. Love cannot wait, it just strikes and wants to burn quickly. You can try to slow it down but then, like a snowball it will keep growing and growing and eventually it might explode. Explosion and a fight in relationships - I shall call it a big bang can create new planets and stars and reconcilation is possible but problems have to be discussed openly - face to face. They can be discussed only if there is a strong will and desire to build a new universe out of big bang.

It turns out that many women indeed seek [bitch+nurse] subconsciously seek a guy that will be able to treat them like ladies and sluts at the same time. It is based on the fact that a human being cannot appreciate happiness in it's purest form. They have to complicate reality to be able to be happy. For some people there is not such thing as a pure happiness and harmony, they have to fight, suffer to feel reconcilation afterwards. One woman once mentioned that she is looking for a guy that will be 50-92% bastard. Not 100% bastard and not 0%. I would call it some sort of personality disorder and people that are like that might end up either with a guy that is more of a wussy than bastard or more of bastard than wussy. It applies to men as well. That balance is very hard to get for such a woman/man. No one is able to control this conciously how to be a dickhead for just about right level of dickheadness. I shall recommend for long term success learning appreciating goodness of a human being once there is a spiritual connection and not complicating reality more than it needs to be complicated.

To end I shall quote Alanis Morisette from the song Head over Feet:
"You treat me like a princess I am not used to liking that."

Being challenging does not mean to be a dickhead or bastard. Some women and men like when a guy or woman is pushing them to do things they didn't know they could do. It is the way you motivate is the key. I think motivating by laugh and fun is the best. Learn from Sweds and Volksvagen!

The Fun Theory

Last but not least, often a woman/man can be illogical. She/he expects that men/women that will respect him/her and despise him/her at the same time. I would say that extraverted people and in particular women [red and yellow] types are especially guilty of that. It is not possible for anyone to logically comprehend how one can be a best-friend and a bastard in one. Extraverted people think that spicing things up by really badly behaving is necessary, therefore they behave badly and often despise someone that is either introverted or extraverted. For introverts it is a real shock, for extraverts it is not, because it is actually what they expect. Having said that, in my opinion the way introverts and extraverts perceive ideal relationship is very much different. A person that is illogical [extraverts have high probability] is unable to understand themselves, meaning that they have an increased probability of not knowing what they want. So it all makes perfect sense.

Introverts = pure harmony and best friends
Extraverts = harmony, best friends + fights from time to time

Love convention by Paul Coleho

For a while I have been thinking what to write and I had some unposted articles but when I read this today I think it deserves to be posted. It is something many people forget while loving - Love convention. It is not by me but by Paul Coleho.

Convention of those wounded in love
Published on December 13, 2009 in News. 2 Comments

promulgated by Paulo Coelho in 2008 and dedicated today to Elin Woods

General provisions:

A – Whereas the saying “all is fair in love and war” is absolutely correct;

B – Whereas for war we have the Geneva Convention, approved on 22 August 1864, which provides for those wounded in the battle field, but until now no convention has been signed concerning those wounded in love, who are far greater in number;

It is hereby decreed that:

Article 1 – All lovers, of any sex, are alerted that love, besides being a blessing, is also something extremely dangerous, unpredictable and capable of causing serious damage. Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both.

Article 2 – Once struck by a stray arrow fired from Cupid’s bow, they should immediately ask the archer to shoot the same arrow in the opposite direction, so as not to be afflicted by the wound known as “unrequited love”. Should Cupid refuse to perform such a gesture, the Convention now being promulgated demands that the wounded partner remove the arrow from his/her heart and throw it in the garbage. In order to guarantee this, those concerned should avoid telephone calls, messages over the Internet, sending flowers that are always returned, or each and every means of seduction, since these may yield results in the short run but always end up wrong after a while. The Convention decrees that the wounded person should immediately seek the company of other people and try to control the obsessive thought: “this person is worth fighting for”.

Article 3 – If the wound is caused by third parties, in other words if the loved one has become interested in someone not in the script previously drafted, vengeance is expressly forbidden. In this case, it is allowed to use tears until the eyes dry up, to punch walls or pillows, to insult the ex-partner in conversations with friends, to allege his/her complete lack of taste, but without offending their honor. The Convention determines that the rule contained in Article 2 be applied: seek the company of other persons, preferably in places different from those frequented by the other party.

Article 4 – In the case of light wounds, herein classified as small treacheries, fulminating passions that are short-lived, passing sexual disinterest, the medicine called Pardon should be applied generously and quickly. Once this medicine has been applied, one should never reconsider one’s decision, not even once, and the theme must be completely forgotten and never used as an argument in a fight or in a moment of hatred.

Article 5 – In all definitive wounds, also known as “breaking up”, the only medicine capable of having an effect is called Time. It is no use seeking consolation from fortune-tellers (who always say that the lost lover will return), romantic books (which always have a happy ending), soap-operas on the television or other such things. One should suffer intensely, completely avoiding drugs, tranquilizers and praying to saints. Alcohol is only tolerated if kept to a maximum of two glasses of wine a day.

Final determination:
Those wounded in love, unlike those wounded in armed conflict, are neither victims nor torturers. They chose something that is part of life, and so they have to accept both the agony and the ecstasy of their choice.
And those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say: “I have lived”. Because they haven’t.

My Comments:
1. a person should be aware that they can inflict damage to another person as well and be a careful responsible loving person. Cause pain only if absolutely necessary, like when they are lying to you or are cheating to you, that pain should be kept to absolute minimum [and it is well documented in Prison experiment by P. Zimbardo that people are born sadists]. Control your sadism as it is really painful.

2. I actually don't think we should use strong words towards them and we should not insult them in front of our friends. We might criticize them but not insult. There is a difference.

3. I don't think we can sometimes chose who we love, I think we can meet a friend and we fall in love accidentally. In fact there is one song by Dj. Tiesto which words are like this: "How was I supposed to know that our love will grow."

Dj Tiesto - Touch Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doPMhtF4_bY

4. The way they perceive love might be different for us than for them, leading to conflicts and disappointments, therefore one should seek the definition of love and whether it is equal to being in relationship if both people are single or not. Having said that, firing arrow in the opossite direction is not enough, it is because concious mind of a human being is able to override emotions with rational thinking and give up on a feeling for certain reasons known to them.

5. The fact that love and war is being compared is somewhat sad and for me really depressing and in my opinion love is NOT a war and should not be thought of like this as this means that people will exploit weaknesses of partner even more.

6. To know what weapons you have, what things cause pain and suffering and 'works' does not mean one should use them, it is opposite it means one should NOT use those weapons. In the same way that America and Russia have nukes and they don't fire at each other. Responsible love is when people have guns but they don't shoot at each other.

7. I must completely agree that feelings of love are sometimes so strong that by default it does lead to some sort of a war/conflict but understanding that it is by default lets two people to be ABOVE, control their actions (not emotions) and therefore focus on higher MEANING.

More things could be easily written, complex topic but let's finish at that.

This is my Mum's Week and THE CONNECTION week.

If anyone wondered what was she like...

This YouTube video summarizes it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-1NjaLpITw

This week is THE CONNECTION week for everyone else except for me, connection with your Soul Mates, catch up with your friends. Who knows what they are up to... are they still alive?

She was THE SUN for me...



and the HOLY SPIRIT....



and one can connect to... the DEPARTED but it is hard and I don't even know if I can do it. I doubt it.

All cats have a tendency to lie....

All cats [YELLOW] have a tendency to lie because for them often TRUE = FALSE or so they want you to think so... The problem that a cat has is that cat is unable to lie to it's own heart. Meet cat - the perfect liar :)

Excellent post by our Swedish Lead Software Engineer about Cost of Features.

http://tech.shopzilla.com/2009/11/the-cost-of-a-feature

Reflections on vegetarianism

There is plethora of causes why one could become a vegetarian. For me, one of biggest driving forces was a number of ethical reasons. I have been vegetarian for over 6 years now and during that time I have been thinking about this topic quite extensively and I came across many comments from my friends. I wanted to share some of them and why I think that some of them are great and definitely worth pondering on and analyzing.

Needless to say, ethical vegetarians are not eating meat because of ethical reasons. They simply don't want animals to get slaughtered and some of them genuinely believe that animals should be treated the way humans are or at least close to it. Even ethical vegetarians do divide in their beliefs. Some simply want animals to live in decent conditions and want them to die without suffering, some of them don't want them to be slaughtered at all. In my humble opinion, by far the most ethical ones are fructarians, then vegans and eventually laco-ovo vegetarians. Fructarians only eat things that fall from a tree or a bush, they don't eat animals products of any kind. Vegans do not eat any animal products i.e. dairy products or eggs.

The reason I became a vegetarian is because I strongly believe that I am not in position to take animals live just for pleasure of it. I wanted to see if I am able to live and nourish myself without animal protein and I have succeeded up to a certain point. It is necessary to remember to replace protein that we normally obtain from meat with protein from plants. Protein is an important ingredient and currently human organism is unable to create it on its own. I say currently, because through the course of evolution in the long term, I reckon it would be possible even to change that. As a matter of fact, there are animals that do produce protein on their own. It is a matter of genes in DNA sequence. Assuming that a vegetarian diet is generally low in protein, mind you that in the long term it can be fixed through the course of evolution or by DNA programming (genomics).

I have experienced lots of problems with vegetarianism. It is like you open a pandora's box. One mental shift leads you to many other thoughts. Should I kill insects? Should I not wash myself like Buddist monks, that way saving bacteria from dying. In a sense it is impossible to survive without killing an organism of some sort. Viruses, bacteria are all organisms. Life and death seems to be deeply rooted in the way the world is structured. So, we are all killing all the time, we have to kill to be able to live, if we don't kill bacteria in our organism then that bacteria will win the struggle and eventually we might even die due to a sickness caused by their frivolous playing tricks habbits. So we established that killing is inevitable, then this raises a question how do we divide organisms into the ones that we think we can kill and the ones that we think we can't. Should we base this on size or on their intelligence? Is it ethically more justifiable to kill a mosquito, than it is to kill a dolphin. Undeniably, dolphins are smarter than mosquitos. That is one possibility but as Peter Singer [a bioethician] says applying this rule is like applying the same principle to human beings. If a certain person is retarded that might actually mean that they will be less intelligent than the smartest monkey. Should this justify that we can kill them and eat them or perhaps enslave them?

You see nature has no mercy, a lion chases its prey to have a dinner. Lion does not understand that he/she could spare the pray. Lion does not have conscious mind. You do, so think about using it. Most people I met in my life don't really care about this at all. Ignorance is truly a bliss and people know it very well. I know it as well because I also need to switch off, if I was thinking all the time I would go mad. Anyone would.

One of my discoveries is that providing enough of vitamins and fatty acids is really heard on one's own without understandning more about nutrition. I used to have omega-3 deficiency that resulted in certain unpleasant things, let me put it this way. So, now I don't forget about omega-3 and A-Z vitamins for vegetarians and I am guilty of sometimes consuming sea water fish for animal protein. So as you can see I am not an angel.

Why it is indeed an interesting topic, because you see in the past, women couldn't vote and black were slaves. Why did we change that? We have altered this through evolution.

I often hear a comment that people love meat and they would never give it up for the taste of it. That is for me worst possible argument one can come up with, because it is like saying I like black slaves and I think to have a slave at home is really good and I would never give up a slave.

Many people do bring up the criteria of conciousness, in a sense that animals do not fear death and it turns out that some animals do fear death actually. There was a monkey that through sign language said that she/he was afraid of to die. Being afraid of death can be classified as a solid criteria of conscioussness.

Another very prepostrous thing is that people actually buy clothes made from furr. For instance, seals are slaughtered just for furr. This is the sickest really because honestly, it is not that hard to buy products that are artificial and at the same time you can use them, so leave poor animals alone.

Testing drugs on animals is also a tricky topic I must admit. If we do believe in inteligence based hierarchy that means that sacrifice of mice should allow humans to live longer. I do believe in layers and humans are indeed smarter [some humans unfortunately have inteligence of monkey :( or worse] but in general they are just more clever. So I personally support testing drugs on mice as long as it cannot be tested in any other way and is necessary to find a cure for a serious or not so serious sickness. That is just my opinion.

Perhaps one of the most interesting comments I have ever heard from one person is that it might perhaps be better to let them live and kill them so at least they can enjoy life a little bit. I must admit that this statement has really caused me to scratch my head. It is a very strong argument, the only problem is that you are the one that kills, so an animal has no choice but to be slaughtered. We are all gonna die anyway. This brings up an interesting topic and extremely controversial as well, whether in future we might need to have obligatory euthanasia for retired people as they keep living longer and longer. So you are 80 and you go to some clinic... Gosh.... I am scared but that only shows how difficult ethical problems are to solve and that right or wrong as a concept is changing over time.

Evolutionary psychology - cheaters and liars win :(

Evolutionary psychology - cheaters and liars win.

Having thought about this for long time and having understood the book - why men like bitches I reached conclusion that evolution does indeed favor bitches (the women and men who are lying and cheating and put themselves first) and in general colors/personality types that have a higher probability of cheating and lying (YELLOW and RED types) then thank God that psychological colours (types) are not inherited. That would mean that world would be eventually worse and worse. In the same way that people that steal are likely to be richer if there was no punishment, in love people who cheat are more likely to have more children and partners that will also love them back. So, imagine that in human mating, there is no court. The ones that LIE and CHEAT the most win the evolutionary game. The only court is you and your parents and family. You are the worse court actually, because you will actually prefer the ones that despise you and treat you like shit the most. Listening to your parents won't help either because by doing so, you will not follow your heart. So you will be unhappy. Bottom line is that following heart is as bad as listening to your parents, which means that that perhaps true happiness can only be in you and not in the one so to speak that completes you, which leads us to Buddhism.... but then poor Buddhists don't have pleasure of talking to the one that completes them, massages and all the nice things... Final punchline is that it is all messed up anyway. We are all messed up. Unless you think about the theory of...