Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Frustration of the giver
I haven't blogged for a while. Mostly because no one reads my blog and if someone does, then some people think it is full of non-sense. Perhaps it is actually. It is my non-sense after all.
Frustration of the giver is not something that I am thinking of right now, right now I have different ideas going through my head. This one is quite old and well understood by me so I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it.
Frustration of the giver happens when one person bestows another person and another person does not understand or appreciate that bestowing. It creates a frustration in the person that bestows. E.g. someone tells someone else the story, the story is interesting for another person but not as much as the person telling the story expects. This causes frustration, potentially even anger. Why is this happening? This is happening because we tend to think that things that we like someone else likes, sometimes when we like certain music we cannot even imagine why somebody else would like something else. Everyone is unique and when I say unique I completely mean it, people try to search for their soul mate, the only perfect soul mate for yourself is YOU. Anyone else will be different, this may be subtle but eventually the more you get to know someone the more you will notice those tiny subtle differences.
There are two possible scenarios that can happen. One when the person realizes that what other person has noticed or the story the are telling is actually quite interesting and eventually they start paying more attention, another one, they get bored more and more.
When a story is told by a manager as part of work, then we feel obliged to listen but in personal relationships we don't. Personal relationships unlike work relationships are based on free will. We are friends with someone because we want to not because we are financially dependent. That is much more problematic. Free will is much more complex. Such relationships are much more prone to frustration because people have moods, people are different, people don't have to do something, etc. I will focus on what to do in cases where it is a free relationship - personal relation. The tricky one.
In personal relation in my opinion the giver should not be angry with the person that doesn't pay attention. It is because, they may not be actually interested in that stuff. It creates pain for us, more pain for the person that gives then the one that receives. It is not worth it. We may see someone in the future if they may want to listen to it but primarily we should just stop giving. If giving is not appreciated, it is not worth the effort and the hassle. We are all different, the other person may be telling us something that we may not find interesting. Who is wrong, who is right? What is more interesting? There is no such thing as more or less interesting.
Last but not least, it is actually possible that the other person does appreciate our "bestowing" but does not provide feedback. It stays in them, they consume the gifts and don't return anything back. This can also cause big frustration as the person that gives is not in a privileged position. Again, if the person doesn't want to appreciate our efforts, it is probably better to stop giving. But it is not worth to be angry. At least, I don't think so. Anger, however, may be a natural response. Natural emotion.