Tuesday, 31 August 2010
Are you a star or a planet and why you should know which one you are.
If you know physics and theory of gravity then you know that smaller planets orbit around bigger stars. In solar system, all planets orbit around the sun. If you think about it, it is very similar to the way evolutionary psychology and human relations work. If you give free will to both people in a any relationship what will happen is that one of them will have a better fitness function, will be stronger and another one will orbit around the stronger one. The one that orbits around usually loves less, therefore has to fight to stay in the gravitational field. The more he/she fights, the more the bigger object will want to get rid of him/her. The bigger object doesn’t care, for a bigger object you are just a pawn. The same thing happens when you join a big organization, you are just a cog in a machine. Company is bigger and more powerful than you are, so if you leave them nothing happens. You have to orbit around your boss. Of course, it is a mutual exchange, you work for the company to realize it’s objectives and you are paid for it. Once you are not necessary - you are made redundant. There is no mercy. In evolution and evolutionary psychology mercy is up to a point of fair mutual exchange between parties. Mercy in relationships is when there are feelings keeping people together or some very mundane aspects like a child together or some sort of common interests. Since feelings lasts only up to three years, this is the natural gravitational force that has to be used to commit for longer or most probably one will leave another. Think of this that when there is chemistry and soul connection nature gives you gravitational force of feeling to use it. However, as I stated one person orbits around another person. One person loves more, one person loves less. It makes complete and perfect sense from evolutionary point of view. Why would a better more powerful object seek a smaller object if it wasn’t necessary for a bigger object. Bigger object needs to want a smaller object to learn from them. It is true that a bigger object can learn from a smaller object as well but we humans tend not too appreciate it when the feeling is weaker as well.
So what traits should you have to be a bigger object, rather than a small one in a relationship? We all know it all to well: smart, rich, healthy, beautiful, having symmetrical shapes, charming, strong in non-verbal skills [like an actor] and some people may not know it but being naturally seductive [yellow+green type] is in demand. Last but not least, sharing the same love map, which is sometimes perceived as spiritual connection between two people - that can trigger falling in love.
It does not mean that you will always be a star or a planet in every relationship, in fact it keeps changing. You may be a star in one relationship and a planet in another. Again, it makes perfect sense because your fitness functions are relative and are different in different relations to people. A lot depends on age as well, that is why a woman should be younger because a man has a potential of being more powerful once he gets older. Enormously a lot depends on psychological type of a man, innate type. The conclusion is that from evolutionary point of view - women are actually more egoistic to choose one partner, where as men are more egoistic to try with many partners in case accidentally something works out. It often does, because another rule is that love that is not returned can be very strong, think of it that a guy tries with many females and accidentally he forgets to call back. For her it appears as affection or even love that is not returned. Accidentally, he may succeed. There is a moral aspect to it, why would you do that but what is a morality of a woman that leaves a smaller planet when she is the sun?
It turns out that women much prefer to be a smaller planet rather than a star. They want to orbit around the sun rather than a man orbit around them. Therefore, I actually strongly believe in patriarchal model of the family. What tends to happen is that a woman that does not orbit around the sun is unhappy and may decide to leave a man. She may not do that if she doesn’t have resources to do so, resources such as money. If she is too seek happiness in love, she may leave the smaller planet in the search for the Sun. Women are more irrational than men, therefore more rely on feelings than common sense, it is therefore more probable for a woman to leave a man that is a smaller planet than for a man to leave a woman. Having said that, the only way a man can keep a woman and make her happy in the process is to imprison her in her feeling of love to him rather than imprison her because she has no choice to leave him - no money, etc.
So what happens when as a guy you meet a woman that is too powerful - she is the big sun and you are a small planet. She will eventually reject you. Women that are suns also have a huge problem because often they are so powerful and so strong that it is hard for any man to compete with them. The man needs to be stronger than a woman for her too feel long term attraction. Short term attraction is somewhat different. Women use their feelings and other aspects to check for man's strength. It is all evolutionary psychology.
Bill Bryson wrote that probability for life in the universe is very very low. This is probably also the probability to meet a man and a woman of your dreams where all aspects are in order. Usually people don't, they have kids with different people they settle for long term relationship.
And now to cheer you up... an example of a relationship and orbiting between a man and a woman. Let's say a man is blue and green and woman is yellow and green. This is what happens:
Hihi.. :) it is less funny when you have gravitational force :)