Wednesday, 20 October 2010
How to Deal With Extroverted Women - Two Strategies
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe
This is how yellow/red women often behave or maybe in general women but I wouldn’t say all of them are like that. Especially extroverted women. Marilyn Monroe was very much an extroverted woman or a blend between extroverted and introverted.
In psychology a cookbook story suggests that there is only one solution to relationship - based on mutual trust and respect. If you think about this, this is not really possible, because people fight, ego vs ego. Subconscious ego is an evil in a human being, so it means an evil in one human fights with an evil in another human. What is important is that ego should not be confused with identity of a person, it is a subconscious force.
Modern psychology is not as sure that there is only one solution so many traditional psychology books while focus on the most perfect type of love, it is hard to imagine that one would ever find one like that. Most certainly one won’t. Well maybe only in dreams. As with every war [war of egos] one side eventually needs to surrender. Perhaps a sweet surrender, like Sarah MacLachlan signs.
Some people are just very naturally difficult to handle and it is hard for them to be in long term relationships because they don’t want to change, and NEVER because of someone - no matter how much they love that person. If you analyze life of Marylin Monroe it is clearly visible. She died at age of 36, went through a few short relationships.
They MAY [and one should not hope really] change because they are loved for all they are - with all their advantages and disadvantages. I have actually observed this on one person and yes that person has changed through love over years of a relationship, changed partially. They seek somebody that will accept them for all they are without wanting to change them. A lot depends on what kind of father they had, if father was allowing them anything and has spoilt them - they will expect a man to allow them anything. Fathers often love their daughters so much that they allow them to do what they want, well almost. Another type of father is a stringent tyrant or a strict parent that will terrorize a child in one way or another. One could think that of course balance should be in place but we human beings always have problems with balance, either we swing from tyranny to being too nice and being too permissive.
That person may be in a relationship with a builder and negotiator type [blue + green] that will want to change yellow or red girl. Builders are very moral and they want amoral yellow people to behave in the right way. Their right way, so to speak. Since there is no right way, either one behaves like this or like that. If the relationship is to survive then most probably people will depart from each other, living in a dead marriage bound by money or a child together. One person will allow another one to do what they want, thus often hardly even spending time together. Time spend together would result in conflicts. I have seen a dead marriage like this in my life, eventually a moral builder guy, after 14 years, was left for a guy that was permissive and allowed a woman to be all she wanted accepting 99% of her actions but counted all the money he ever lend to her, this leaving himself a bit of being nasty. Marilyn Monroe type will be the way she wants with the guy that accepts her all she is or she will be single. It is hard to imagine any other scenario.
In Christian religion, the guy is always right and a woman should listen, in this case surrender to him. That is a sexist view indeed but there is more to it. When a woman is in control she also has the power over all things in life, it requires enormous trust from a guy’s point of view in that woman to know what she is doing. If she herself doesn’t know what she is doing, it can create a very messy situation. What if she knows what she is doing except that there are many ways in which something can be accomplished? What if people do not agree on those ways? This creates inevitable tension. One person is free and another person is free but to be together one needs to be less free than another one. There is no other way.
So an extroverted woman yellow and red woman to be and love a blue and green guy she most love him above everything and most likely it won’t happen. So a better type for an extroverted woman is a red and blue guy, or yellow and green. Either they will be permissive or they will stealth manipulate her, so well that she won’t even notice. How do I know that yellow and red guys/girls stealth manipulate, well I have seen it many times and I like psychology so I can spot these things. They also sometimes cheat and lie :(. Another solution is when a blue and green guy changes to be more permissive and let the red and yellow woman be the way she wants to be and either she stays with him or she gets bored and leaves him. Either he accepts and she accepts or... freedom for both but apart. The problem of the last strategy, i.e. being permissive to yellow and red - that doesn’t have solution is that one cannot love the person that doesn’t respect themselves. So it is a bit doomed as well :( It is so hard, hard to think about happy long term ending in any case, yet we people want to love and want to be loved and it is hard to imagine that it will ever change.