Tuesday, 5 October 2010
On sensation seeking women [yellow, red + yellow + red] and pornography
Following some of recent posts on Facebook I was a little bit surprised, only a little bit because I already knew that some of these things are happening often in the background of relationships.
I noticed that on Facebook girls a few times posted things like: “I like it on the sofa” and many similar ones which I cannot even remember. I don’t think they posted it, I am 99% sure that their boyfriends had access to their computer and they posted that. I happen to know that these women are in relationships, are yellow or yellow and green and I often know with what type of guys because I was invited to parties and had a chance to talk to them. Why would those women allow such behaviour, does it mean all women that are sensation seeking allow this behaviour? Not really. That is good news.
If you have read my post on Swedish Steps, take a look in previous blog history - then you know that one of the most powerful type of humiliations and causing psychological pain is actually - public humiliation. Little bit lesser damaging and more subtle are: being stood up, forgetting birthdays, being numb and cold but far the best one is to publicly humiliate someone. It can only work provided that the person trusts and loves the person that humiliates and the person that is being humiliated it daft enough and has a very bad pre-frontal cortex to be able to stop and think about this type of behaviour and understand what does it mean and what does it lead to. Sensation seeker woman can also can be sensitive and many people don’t know that being hurt and seeking the sensation of pain can be stimulating. That is why sensation seekers like it, because otherwise relationship becomes too boring, too predictable - and not stimulating enough. Anyone who probably reads this must think - how sick is this. That is applying moral judgement and yes in the long term it probably won’t work because eventually friends, other people and the person itself will notice it and will be strong enough to break this vicious circle. It can take years though!!! As I said especially susceptible are sensation seekers with low self esteem. It turns out most of us have some complexes so a skillful manipulator can easily exploit those. In fact, a woman often provides a feedback about her complexes. It couldn’t be easier then.
Those type of story is sometimes referred in psychological books as Pornography Story, where one partner debases and despises another one. This causes the other one to feel bad and suffer - thus something appealing to sensation seekers. There are many ways that sensation can be sought, in our society, for instance, it is believed that physical violence is a bad thing. Of course it is but comparing to psychological - physical violence is less painful. It hurts a bit and stops. Psychological one has far more reaching consequences and is also harder to detect. If you deeply think about this - this is conditioning from Pavlov’s stand point as well, except the person that is conditioned must know why they are so bad and be punished for it and enjoy it in the process. Sometimes they don’t even know why they are punished for, it doesn’t even matter. A spank is a spank, whatever.
There is another problem to all of this, in pornography story - the assumption is that when you love a woman - she will leave you. If you are brave enough to despise her, it means you love yourself more than her. You would never despise anyone you truly love. Well, those that truly love are often - but not always - left behind. It really depends on woman’s pre-frontal cortex and how clever she is to stop and think, many of them are not - but I do know a few that understand this mechanism and enjoy happier long term relationship with partners that do not play these sort of games. However, to my great surprise these women often do play these games and those partners are often puzzled on how this is possible. It almost looks like almost one person will have tendencies to fuck around. Sometimes it is not even a game - sometimes it is being bored, sometimes it is being clumsy and careless, it is enough. It is almost impossible for anyone without extensive psychological knowledge to differentiate between a subconscious or conscious despising or just simply being lazy, forgetful or clumsy. It is just very hard and has to be understood.
Why no one talks about this in society? It is a taboo topic. Yet, many couples like that are in relationships and worse of all very few of us can help these people. Contrary to what you may think - sometimes help is not necessary, sometimes they know what is happening and they allow it. If someone wants to commit a suicide they go and jump off the bridge - after all they have a free will, so I think we should also give them free will. Problem is when they do not understand what is happening, so that they cannot make more conscious decision about their future. This is worrying then.
The last the most “amazing” type of a woman you can imagine is the one that understands this mechanism, loves psychology, has good pre-frontal cortex to stop and think and at the same time she is a sensitive - sensation seeker and doesn’t like manipulation. If she doesn’t settle for a good person - she is very likely to be single. It makes sense. Just think about it. There is not other way anything else could ever work. Oh well, there are extreme sports as well but that is not a relationship :)
Sometimes I think it is hard to apply moral judgement because these people didn’t choose their brain. We have different brains and different levels of hormones - dopamine, serotonie, oxytocin and testosteron. When you have a lot of dopamine by default - you need to have a lot to have any sensation that would be interesting to you. When you have naturally low level and more oxytocin - very small quantity is stimulating and you don’t need these extra things. Yellow people do need a lot of dopamine for nice sensations or they get bored. However, in family and in the society this has far reaching consequences - a child may see a mother being beaten, shouted, treated like a second class citizen. Friends may see this behaviour and I have seen it so many times, whenever, I see it I can only be silent because what else can I say. This is not a happy silence for me.
I have known good people that changed their attitude to be able to settle with a sensation seeking woman towards a despising attitude. Some people have it naturally - others need to change if they allow it morally. Others, like me, don’t want to change, choose goodness instead. The ones that have the easiest job are actually the liars, cheaters and people that deceive a lot. Smile to you but in fact are hypocritical. For them it comes naturally - they don’t have to change because they are like that.
Games have been tried on me but I have a pre-frontal cortex is in a good shape so I am able to stop and think but I could see on myself how it could work on a sensation seeker. Our brains are indeed different but not that different for me to be able to experience things and understand what others could be experiencing as well.
We live in a society, a society has certain norms and standards, I don’t go around and piss on walls, I don’t spit on people on the streets. It is amazing that for a sensation seeker a sensation is so important that they are even willing to put up with a humiliation of this sort to experience thrills of it. I will judge it and I do judge it, it is sick. Maybe being too good, constantly bestowing woman and being a sissy is also sick but despising like this is also sick.
Evolution does favour strength, to play games like this often brains of two people need to be strong enough to handle so many dopamine injections. It is a ride big time, eventually the one that is able to handle dopamine injections in a more calm and relaxed manner becomes controlling in a relationship, often accidentally. So you can do whatever you want, if your brain is weak you are fucked. You didn’t choose your brain... evolution and genetics did choose for you. There is an assumption here - both people need to start from similar feelings of intensive love, otherwise even your brain is weaker you may still reject a person that would otherwise be stronger than you. It is when you don’t love them you don’t feel love.
There is no TRUTH, people have different meanings of the words we commonly use. So for a sensation seeker love requires a constant state of feeling thrills and high, for a sensitive person it does not because it is there by default. So for a yellow person word love can potentially mean something else than for a blue person or a green person, the ones that do not need such enormous simulations to enjoy their feelings. Same word - different meanings - totally. Those intensive feelings will finish for a sensation seeker sooner than you imagine if you do not provide her enough of stimulation on a weekly or daily basis. Then as long as she feels something, she will get hurt and enjoy masochistic feelings of intensive “love”. I put ‘love’ in quotes because this is not what I personally view as love but as I said there is NO TRUTH, so it is just my opinon.
Now a digression on religion, why a religious yellow or yellow and green woman could be more likely to choose a good person. This is because religion constantly conditions us to be good and in Christian religion actually sadness is more natural state of being that happiness. Recall self flagellation. So seeking happiness is not the necessary component but rather salvation. Now think that happiness = sensation seeking for a sensation seeker. Also, there is a very strong emphasis on a subordination of a woman to a man and concept of sacrifice in a marriage. Now think about this, if those women are really religious they could choose rather a good person. Here is the thing, there is a correlation but often there needs to be some help in that as well. By help I mean for instance a child together, family support and praying to God to resolve and help to gain strength. When there is an external force to which one can pray and connect with there is a stronger probability for a success of a marriage I think. It is not a inevitable component but I would say highly desired. If you follow divorce rates that it is clearly visible that the ones being religious are divorcing fewer times. So connect your spirits, connection can be eternal, after all love is a never ending story.