Friday, 1 January 2010
How to be a bitch and nurse - quick tutorial and reflections
I know that it sounds insane but that sort of thing in love and in relationships is actually possible. First, they will be bitchy. What I mean by bitchy is that he/she will show you how much they despise you in a subtle or not so subtle way and also put themselves first. That is when you love yourself more than them. If they are like that, the more clever person you meet the more she/he will show you how much they despise you in a clever way or the more they will love themselves rather than you. Then, since this type has a nurse as well this type will show you compassion, friendship and love. The combination is totally strange. How can you be a bitch and a compassionate person in one? It turns out you can. Imagine a cat, literaly, that first cuts you through it's claws and then comes to you and licks you. Assuming a human being can behave in a similar manner - the only thing that one can think of when one deals with a human being like this is what the heck?
It is like you met a person that comes to you, cuts you with a knife and then is wants to heal you and asks how you are and wants to help you. This is sick, in case you have not noticed. It turns out that some people are really good at that and people with low self esteem will be unable to leave this person and will be in vicious circle, especially when they fall in love. Mind you, that it is hard to create wounds for you and cut you if you don't fall in love, pain is very small, when you do fall in love, very subtle hurting over time can be very painful, over time, not over one day. It is an amazing psychological knowledge. I am sharing this with you in a hope that you will not abuse it but you will actually stop yourself from doing so. You are a very powerful person when someone falls in love in you, you can mess up someone a lot. I have seen it.
My theory is that for some people bitchy actions and behaviour are subconscious and support and help is conscious. It is like you were a born killer and you wanted to change in your life. That does not mean that you were not born as a killer. You were, you might just not be happy about it. Conciously you might not be happy about it but subconsciously, you are a killer.
The solution is to stop cutting and focus on honesty, love and remember that one can influence and hurt another person a lot when they do love us. That applies to me as well. I have to be very careful and I am. I have high moral standards, without bragging about it too much, some people - well they just let's say don't. They think love is innocent and one can play games to have fun. You can have fun but not when someone falls in love in you, then love games are really dangerous, for you and the partner. This has to be well understood.
Of course it is not that simple. Human beings are too complex and it is not possible to be able to peagant hole like this, sometimes a girl or a boy like that might not know want what he/she wants, another explaination for such actions is that it is hard to trust, therefore one is protecting oneself. One is protecting oneself to love them more than they feel they should and that they are afraid to trust that person so they become bitchy as a way to protect themselves. People are in general vulnerable and they protect themselves from suffering in various ways, sometimes by being cruel and brutal.
First and foremost, is to know what one wants from a partner. Surprisingly many people don't really know what they want, they keep searching but they don't know. For some people falling in love is the answer - if they fall in love it means she/she is that magical person - special someone. I am not sure that is true. After thinking about this for a while I reached a conclusion that falling in love might not be absolutely necessary, however, when you are in a relationship and then you fall in love in somebody while being in a relationship -> you might really have hard time as to know what to do. Good example of that was in a movie First Knight with Julia Ormond, where she has fallen in love in a young knight, while being wife of a king - played by Sean Connery. She had a really hard time, she didn't know what to do. Eventually, she was cheating on him and at the same time she was in love with the king. That is what usually happens with beautiful and interesting women and men in live, they have so much choice that they cheat, it is also their heart that is cheating on them - too much choice and evolutionary psychology on top of that. That is why it is not easy. It is a question, who controls who, do you control your heart or does your heart control you? Impossible to resolve as they say your heart is not your servant"
Falling in love can also be very problematic as it distracts you from getting to know this person as you idealize them [looking though pink glasses] and you think about them all the time. Love cannot wait, it just strikes and wants to burn quickly. You can try to slow it down but then, like a snowball it will keep growing and growing and eventually it might explode. Explosion and a fight in relationships - I shall call it a big bang can create new planets and stars and reconcilation is possible but problems have to be discussed openly - face to face. They can be discussed only if there is a strong will and desire to build a new universe out of big bang.
It turns out that many women indeed seek [bitch+nurse] subconsciously seek a guy that will be able to treat them like ladies and sluts at the same time. It is based on the fact that a human being cannot appreciate happiness in it's purest form. They have to complicate reality to be able to be happy. For some people there is not such thing as a pure happiness and harmony, they have to fight, suffer to feel reconcilation afterwards. One woman once mentioned that she is looking for a guy that will be 50-92% bastard. Not 100% bastard and not 0%. I would call it some sort of personality disorder and people that are like that might end up either with a guy that is more of a wussy than bastard or more of bastard than wussy. It applies to men as well. That balance is very hard to get for such a woman/man. No one is able to control this conciously how to be a dickhead for just about right level of dickheadness. I shall recommend for long term success learning appreciating goodness of a human being once there is a spiritual connection and not complicating reality more than it needs to be complicated.
To end I shall quote Alanis Morisette from the song Head over Feet:
"You treat me like a princess I am not used to liking that."
Being challenging does not mean to be a dickhead or bastard. Some women and men like when a guy or woman is pushing them to do things they didn't know they could do. It is the way you motivate is the key. I think motivating by laugh and fun is the best. Learn from Sweds and Volksvagen!
The Fun Theory
Last but not least, often a woman/man can be illogical. She/he expects that men/women that will respect him/her and despise him/her at the same time. I would say that extraverted people and in particular women [red and yellow] types are especially guilty of that. It is not possible for anyone to logically comprehend how one can be a best-friend and a bastard in one. Extraverted people think that spicing things up by really badly behaving is necessary, therefore they behave badly and often despise someone that is either introverted or extraverted. For introverts it is a real shock, for extraverts it is not, because it is actually what they expect. Having said that, in my opinion the way introverts and extraverts perceive ideal relationship is very much different. A person that is illogical [extraverts have high probability] is unable to understand themselves, meaning that they have an increased probability of not knowing what they want. So it all makes perfect sense.
Introverts = pure harmony and best friends
Extraverts = harmony, best friends + fights from time to time