Why extroverts are in a privileged position in romantic relationships

If you have read books on psychological types then you know that many extroverts (red+yellow) do admit that they have two sided nature, on one hand they are good and on another hand they admit they are bad. This badness can mean many things but often it means that they are egoists and have tendencies to manipulate and stealth cruelty. This is especially the case, when they are so called mixed types, e.g. yellow + green and red + blue. They are two-faced people, naturally. Actually women often reveal it first, they say, I am an angel and a devil - all in one. I have never heard it from introverts that they would be both good and bad, introverts tend to be more naturally good. Everyone can change their attitude over time towards being bad but naturally I think they are good, closer to the ideal of pure goodness. Quite often they change the attitude after encounters with extroverts and when they have been betrayed.

Cloisters are for introverts, not extroverts

It should not be a surprise that many introverts end up in cloisters, blue priests and green nuns. Contrary, to this people that should end up in cloisters are the ones that don’t end up there, red and yellow people. Instead they have various other businesses. Due to simple logical calculation - it is fare to assume - that at least one of them is in more than 50% of families. They can can use their innate manipulative skills. Cloisters are also way too boring for sensation seekers - such as red and yellow people, they would never be able to pray all day and kneel without very strong devotion. Since so many extroverts lean to have a family - it is not a surprise that eventually people divorce.

Chemistry, is it an absolute must?

While this is very subjective I think in general we think that extroverted people are more sexually attractive, models are extroverted often with charming looks and disarming voice. There are people that will not be able to be in relationships with other people when they do not feel chemical attraction to another person, others do not have issues with that. What I have observed is that extroverts are attracted to introverts and extroverts - chemically. They fall in love and are in love with the other extroverted person as well as introverted people. Introverts, however, are not chemically attracted to introverts even though they may be so called soul mates, instead they are attracted only to extroverts or people who are both extroverted and introverted (blended types). This means that introverts, if you think about this are in less privileged position because they are not attracted to each other but only to extroverts. They don’t have as many people to choose from. This observation is following talking with a few introverts and listening to what they want and why they chose people they chose rather than others. Introverts are attracted not only on chemical level [two bodies close together exchanging pheromones] but also on a psychological level. The brain of an extrovert is able to process love related emotions much more easily than an introvert, thus making extroverts naturally dominating over introverts. The only way to combat that natural domination is if one is stronger, which pretty much boils down to one extrovert being with another extrovert or an introverted man being much older than an extroverted girl.

Extroverts are risk takers and often insensitive

What you may have also noticed is that yellow and red people are often controlling and they don’t have moral qualms to play love games of various kind, they often admit that it is you have to play games. Since they have so many people falling for them - they are not afraid of the risk - thinking that they will always find somebody. Actually there is a strong correlation between level of intelligence and ability to stealth manipulate in an intelligent manner. Imagine that being spotted is considered to be a failure so one has to use amazing knowledge to do it intelligently. It is actually not that hard if one reads books on the market about manipulation and has some experience applying it. Perfection takes time tough. If a victim is also fairly stupid and does not know science of psychology and what dangers are awaiting in the forrest - the manipulator/perpetrator can have a lot of fun with the victim. Cruelty requires one to be insensitive to one’s pain - and often the way a brain of extroverted person works is that they are indeed insensitive to pain.

Extroverts are lazy

Attraction that all other colours feel to extroverts make them naturally lazy. When you get many job offers while you have a good job, you start ignoring job offers and last thing you have on your mind is to work on yourself to change yourself, to improve yourself. After all, why would you want to do that if you can easily have a new job? The same situation happens with beautiful extroverts and their love life.

Life is totally unfair and why it favours liars and powerful brains

One thing that I couldn’t quite grasp after reading one psychological book - was why yellow and red men that are less sensitive than blue and green people - marry quicker. Inequality in relationships is not even so much based on how we look like, how attractive we are physically but also what sort of brain we were born with, what are the prevalent hormones in our brain. This that evolution and nature favours power and strength. It is not a surprise that power is chosen over weakness. Power, however, comes at the cost, extroverts often hide their real feelings of affection and it is likely to meet one that lies about their feelings as a way to control and exercises power over an individual. Both men and women tend to lean to powerful characters - as long as they can feel - “the thing” - for them. That thing is a love map compatibility, every person has a love map and to find a person that would share our love map is really hard - this is sometimes referred to as soul mating. Thus, if a person feels or has felt a “thing” for both an introvert and extrovert, it is fair to assume that a person will choose an extroverted person - unless an individual already understands and has experience with negative traits of extroverted people. In that sense - following one’s heart is actually bad - because we follow the power and leaning to power is not favouring long term happiness and unity of two people. That is blindness of love and one should put corrective glasses of knowledge to correct it for the long term happiness.

Stealth manipulation works but... knowledge is your friend

How this power of extroverts is achieved is both through natural leaning to extroversion and through act of manipulation. If you do study some horrible psychological manipulation that can be done to a human being then you know that if you do not have moral qualms you can make another person totally dependant on you, you can make them to have compulsive obsessive thoughts about you - to the point of emotional exhaustion. Tests like that have been done on rats and pigeons and often they collapsed from exhaustion after a few sessions of psychological torture. There is a strong correlation between torture and seduction, if one does not have moral qualms and knows psychological tricks. Hard core love games can therefore be considered to be act of emotional torture. Needless to say, what is perceived as torture and the strength depends on how an individual likes another individual, how sensitive an individual is and last but not the least how knowledgeable and skilled an individual is to protect himself/herself from vicious acts. The protection can be done by reading books on the matter of manipulation, understanding when they are performed and eventually training at home or with a psychotherapist to resist acts of torture when they happen. Psychologists offer training set for interested people.

How to correct this, if you want to

Coming soon....

To be in love with one’s free will [freedom]

If I can blame myself - that would be being moral and often judgmental; blaming others sometimes for their own vices and forgetting about my own. No, I am not an angel. No one is, set of our vices vary though and one vice for another person is an advantage for another one.

On 11th November 2010 there was a special day for me and for many of us - the remembrance day. For me it was special not because of remembrance day but never mind. For me, number 11 is a special number actually. This is for many reasons and since this blog is public and this is quite private matter I will keep it to myself.

P. Coleho wrote a very interesting post on 11th November from his book - 11 Minutes. It was about a bird and a cage.

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/11/10/the-bird-and-the-cage/

Now, if you think about this what we may love about other people is their freedom, the fact that we have no way to predict their behaviour. Yellow people [explorers] love their freedom so much that they are willing to pay often high price for it. They want to be loved for their freedom and they want to be happy at all costs to them and others. Perhaps in the long term some of us tend to love the most is our free will. Often one person abandons another person for them to come back later on or not, later on another one may abandon the other one, etc. Total unpredictability. In general there is lots of break ups and abandoning each other! Is it the way to go? I don’t know, not for me actually - because I think compassion and caring for each other should be no 1. That is in direct conflict with free will and one sided or two sided abandonment.

Abandonment has many roots and reasons, often it is because the way relationship is working is not ideal for an individual or both. When a person had something in the past that was better, they yearn to the past feelings. So when a person leaves - they cause the other one to love them / hate them - this is because as I stated some of us tend to love one’s freedom. Also, we feel we were not good enough, like a rotten apple that is chucked away, like a teddy bear that is no longer needed. Love or affection that is not returned tends to be strong if someone idealizes the other person too much and cannot see their vices. So it is messed up but you don’t have to Einstein [like me not] to notice it yourself :)

Abandoning someone is often equal to killing them and betrayal, the pain that ego and pain body feels is often unbearable. The more insensitive one is - the better, the less important the person is - the better, the more one is prepared to live on one’s own - the better, the more friends one has - the better, the stronger one is - the better, the more extroverted brain one has - the better.

This reminds me of a song by Sade - Soldier of Love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4xb9TSIITY

In many respect when one leaves another the act of doing so can be felt as a shoot from a gun in the heart with blood drilling - just like in action movies.

Why yellow [Explorer] vegetarians are also manipulative, cruel and often merciless

If you get to know explorers [yellow] people a lot, you will understand that most of them [if not all] like to play either love games subconsciously or consciously. Love games are acceptable for some people to a certain degree but there is a point which many people have - threshold of acceptability - beyond acceptability. The threshold changes over time and also varies on the time of day.

I used to think that if someone is an explorer or explorer/negotiator [yellow/green] is vegetarian they will stop themselves from playing games and stealth manipulation. This was rooted in thinking that if love games do indeed hurt another human being then an individual that does not want to harm any beings, including human beings - will stop himself/herself from doing so. It turns out, that our innate subconscious type is so strong that those people will not stop themselves from playing games even though they may inflict serious pain. Their egoistic need to put themselves first and in a subtle or not so subtle way despise another being is so high that it overrides even their own beliefs about being merciful. For me it was a shock. As some people know -> love can lead to a serious war between egos and often people will not stop themselves from anything to fight for their dignity and respect. Despite Geneva convention in war, in love games, for some almost all weapons and strategies are permissible. Ego in a person = Evil, so love games are often an evil vs an evil war. The more intensive the feeling the more devilish the war will be!

You will ask, but how is this possible? You see, it is. First of all, the way a brain of an explorer [yellow] works is different, so for them suffering is not as intensive as for introverts. If they have never been able to feel what is in someone else’s brain - they think it is fairly harmless to play hard core games. They are also high sensation seekers, which means that they will play the game not only for the other person but also for themselves. After all, they don’t know the outcome of the game and the other person upon which the game is played is unpredictable -> thus eventually the one that plays with a weapon may be the person dying from the same weapon. That is the price and price is often very high, we are talking about months or years of investment in a relationship. The longer the investment, the more dangerous it is and the more thrills those people will have when they play. Another one is that explorers actually believe that their freedom to do what they want is above any person’s needs, therefore they should have any right to leave the person when they want and then expect to be accepted when they want to come back. This is fact is subconsciously treating a person like an object, which is something I have covered in my blog post: “To love something or Somebody”.

I once realized that to be with an explorer girl a man needs to be even better manipulator than they are. The manipulation can be either stealth - when it is invisible for the person and not stealth - when it is botched and is so blantantly obvious that one is laughing how botched job the manipulator has done.

Vegetarian explorers are the most ambivalent or impossible type one can find, because they are moral [veggie way of living] and amoral [conscious or subconscious] at the same time.

It turns out that suffering in love often makes this love stronger in the long term and that is why I think explorers [yellow] people play games. It may make it stronger for them but not necessarily for the other person. It is quite clear from this - that explorers should be with explorers and it is indeed the case. They marry each other above statistical average [Helen Fischer].

Last but not least, the absolutely must component for a relationship to work in the long term is mutual respect and compassion and it turns out that one seems to be the hardest to get from an explorer/negotiator

To love something or Someone?

Accidentally, I went to Sex and the City fan page on facebook and what I have read truly scared me. Ok, I don’t like it but then again my opinion is probably useless anyway because if it has so many followers than I am not going to change the world, am I?

"4,614,687 people like this"

If you know what sort of people like Sex and the City, then you will know that they are liked by yellow people. People who are superficial and are not scared to say that. People who are glib, like to play games, lie, despise, control and usually look very sexy and attractive. Those same people are usually also totally charming and sexy as hell. They pay attention to the way they look like a lot. Everyone should really, they just take it one step further than most.

There was one particular quote from sex and the city that I was thinking about -
“You wanna take the only person who's in your life purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?”- Samantha

Another one I saw on facebook written by a yellow girl is:
“If you love something, set it free, it will come back to you - broken”

If it wasn’t enough, another one I heard from a yellow woman - “If only I had time, I would go around and fuck up men’s minds but I don’t have time :(”

You must think I really stumble upon horrible yellow people, well maybe, but I dare to say that 90% of them is like this and 90% is being an optimist as well.

Not all yellow people like Sex and the City but there is a strong correlation between Sex and the City, Lady Gaga and yellowness of a person.

Often these people will be in relationships and will treat another person like an object. It is actually easier like this because loving someone really truly is hard, dangerous and awkward. When you treat someone like an object, it removes all guilt that you may have. After all, why would you feel guilty if you did something bad to an object? You can feel guilty if you treat someone like a human being that feels. If you treat someone like an object, you can suddenly start doing things that you wouldn’t do to a human being that feels and suffers. You can play games, you can despise them, you can treat them badly. Basically, you can be a bitch or a bastard without remorse. Funnily enough those people cling also to themselves in opposite [or same] sex. After reading a book by Helen Fischer - it is quite clear that yellow [explorer] people primarily marry yellow [explorer] people. That means that they often both tend to treat themselves badly and often relationship is about stealth manipulation. As psychologists say, often active inflicted cruelty removes sense of guilt from a human being. It numbs the person even more. A guy will claim he is busy and has no time, woman will pretend she doesn’t want to have sex or even that she needs some time for her own her now. One will try to put themselves first, and another one will do the same. Putting themselves first as I wrote in previous blog entries - is the most subtle way to despise someone.

It is about lying, pretending and games. So how can you have a real intimacy between people in such situations - you can’t. What is truly horrible is that you can also FAKE intimacy!!! When I realized this I was shocked, I have never thought intimacy could be faked. Obviously, it is never as black and white as I describe it. There are shades of gray but basically, intimacy is much more serious for introverts than for extroverts.

I have noticed that in general introverts tend to treat other people like human beings and extroverts tend more like objects. Often extroverts expect subconsciously to be treated like an object as well. They will never admit it, but when they find a perfect guy or perfect girl - the one that has no flaws and loves them - they freak out. They don’t want to be loved back. Messed up, huh?

I found an interesting comment of one woman on the Internet that was a review of a book:
“I am recently separated from my husband. He used to worship me but for some reason I just didn't feel the same for him. He was perfect in every aspect, but I couldn't love him the same way back. I ALWAYS had doubts about my feelings for him, but because HE loved me so much, I ended up settling. Now he went the other way... says he doesn't want to be married, doesn't know what he wants, and I started to freak out and convinced myself he was the man of my dreams.”

Later on she writes:
“My husband is playing a lot of games with me, just as men do in the dating world, and I was feeling pretty overwhelmed. After reading the writer's wife chapter, I was reminded that love should be easy. There shouldn't be any rules. The Rules have to happen naturally. You aren't available because you REALLY have stuff to do and other things to think about.”

I could almost say for 90% that a yellow woman wrote this.

Why people play games and manipulate. Because it works. If you have no moral qualms and know how to do it intelligently, this will drive a person mad and you can make them love you a lot! You can only do it, as long, as they don’t realize, have a thing for you, if they do realize this - they accept games to be played upon them. You cannot play games to someone that realizes what is happening and doesn’t accept them. After all, everyone is free and a person can always go their separate way. Also games can hurt and you can hurt someone so much that they won’t be able to easily trust you again. In a sense brutal love games are for insensitive people or the ones that are not afraid to suffer in the name of something - not sure what?

You may ask, why is there such a fundamental difference between the way introverts tend to love and extroverts and does it mean all introverts are wonderful and all extroverts are that bad. No of course not. First of all, what is bad for one person is not necessarily bad for another one. Extroverts often have biased moral system to their own needs, which means that they perceive badness differently or can always explain something that is perceived as bad and still do it. If you think about this really deeply - they way they subconscious mind operates is different. This is what truly separates introverts and extroverts, vastly different subconsciousness.

If I slate all yellow and red people so much, is it possible to meet one of them that will have strong moral system. Yes, being religious, christian and vegetarian helps. It just improves the score - it is still unclear how possible is to completely remove their vices. Psychologists think vices of human beings are innate 50% and 50% they are acquired through life experiences and how they have developed their moral system over the course of their life.

Playing games and being bad in general is driven by one primarily problem known to all human beings - appreciation of goodness is difficult. Goodness is boring and badness is exciting. Love that is NOT returned is INITIALLY stronger.

So what happens? Everyone subconsciously [unless they know how to correct it] goes for bad people.

Many people therefore go for other people that treat them like objects! That is why so many people fall for this sick psychological mechanism. Learn to correct it, learn the science of psychology.

Are you a dormant sadist?

Sadism is more subtle than you think. "Sadism comes with a goofy smile, some sleazy glitter and a cackle."

In Milgram experiment, under power of the authority, 65!!!!% of people went all the way to the highest VOLTAGE to condition students".

What I have observed is something totally scary but I have no proof for that at all. It is only based on my personal life experience and partially generalization effort. There are psychological types that will have higher probability to consciously inflict pain than others. Red and Yellow types have higher probability to inflict pain than Blue and Green types. I don’t exactly know why but I think a lot boils down to brain and the neuroscience. Did you know that high levels of oxytocin will mean that you will feel more empathy towards other beings? Green types have naturally high levels of oxytocin, where as Red and Yellow types don’t. They have more testosterone. People are often blends, so for instance a Yellow and Green type will have some bits of oxytocin. This is all about natural empathy. There is also something like conscious empathy, which means through education, intelligence you can become more empathetic. Conscious actions can fix any subconscious actions pretty much. The problem is that subconscious actions account for more than half of your actions and less than a half are conscious. This will mean that more often you will behave the way your subconsciousness is telling you rather than your consciousness. This is important to understand because it means it is hard to fix yourself even if you try. Realization of the problem is 50% of the solution though. Some people don’t think they have a problem, so they cannot solve it.

On the other hand, just to show you that I try to be as little prejudiced as possible, if you take a look at Roman Catholic way of bringing up children in Poland between 1900-2000, you will notice that priests and nuns were very strict to pupils. Priests are often blue and nuns are often green. That would be against my theory of yellow and red being the only source of bad on this planet. Pupils were beaten with a rubber, they were forced to stand in the corner and many more. It is really hard to know how to bring up children but that is topic for another blog post - once I gather some opinions and bring up a child myself, which may take me a few years...

Are you scared of yourself? You should be. Doubt yourself and control the dormant sadist in you. Never let power of authority forget about humanity and who you truly are. The power of authority can be very powerful... 65% of population is more than half and psychiatrists were asked a question on how many percents will go all the way to the highest voltage and the answer was 1%...

How to Deal With Extroverted Women - Two Strategies

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

This is how yellow/red women often behave or maybe in general women but I wouldn’t say all of them are like that. Especially extroverted women. Marilyn Monroe was very much an extroverted woman or a blend between extroverted and introverted.

In psychology a cookbook story suggests that there is only one solution to relationship - based on mutual trust and respect. If you think about this, this is not really possible, because people fight, ego vs ego. Subconscious ego is an evil in a human being, so it means an evil in one human fights with an evil in another human. What is important is that ego should not be confused with identity of a person, it is a subconscious force.

Modern psychology is not as sure that there is only one solution so many traditional psychology books while focus on the most perfect type of love, it is hard to imagine that one would ever find one like that. Most certainly one won’t. Well maybe only in dreams. As with every war [war of egos] one side eventually needs to surrender. Perhaps a sweet surrender, like Sarah MacLachlan signs.

Some people are just very naturally difficult to handle and it is hard for them to be in long term relationships because they don’t want to change, and NEVER because of someone - no matter how much they love that person. If you analyze life of Marylin Monroe it is clearly visible. She died at age of 36, went through a few short relationships.
They MAY [and one should not hope really] change because they are loved for all they are - with all their advantages and disadvantages. I have actually observed this on one person and yes that person has changed through love over years of a relationship, changed partially. They seek somebody that will accept them for all they are without wanting to change them. A lot depends on what kind of father they had, if father was allowing them anything and has spoilt them - they will expect a man to allow them anything. Fathers often love their daughters so much that they allow them to do what they want, well almost. Another type of father is a stringent tyrant or a strict parent that will terrorize a child in one way or another. One could think that of course balance should be in place but we human beings always have problems with balance, either we swing from tyranny to being too nice and being too permissive.

That person may be in a relationship with a builder and negotiator type [blue + green] that will want to change yellow or red girl. Builders are very moral and they want amoral yellow people to behave in the right way. Their right way, so to speak. Since there is no right way, either one behaves like this or like that. If the relationship is to survive then most probably people will depart from each other, living in a dead marriage bound by money or a child together. One person will allow another one to do what they want, thus often hardly even spending time together. Time spend together would result in conflicts. I have seen a dead marriage like this in my life, eventually a moral builder guy, after 14 years, was left for a guy that was permissive and allowed a woman to be all she wanted accepting 99% of her actions but counted all the money he ever lend to her, this leaving himself a bit of being nasty. Marilyn Monroe type will be the way she wants with the guy that accepts her all she is or she will be single. It is hard to imagine any other scenario.

In Christian religion, the guy is always right and a woman should listen, in this case surrender to him. That is a sexist view indeed but there is more to it. When a woman is in control she also has the power over all things in life, it requires enormous trust from a guy’s point of view in that woman to know what she is doing. If she herself doesn’t know what she is doing, it can create a very messy situation. What if she knows what she is doing except that there are many ways in which something can be accomplished? What if people do not agree on those ways? This creates inevitable tension. One person is free and another person is free but to be together one needs to be less free than another one. There is no other way.

So an extroverted woman yellow and red woman to be and love a blue and green guy she most love him above everything and most likely it won’t happen. So a better type for an extroverted woman is a red and blue guy, or yellow and green. Either they will be permissive or they will stealth manipulate her, so well that she won’t even notice. How do I know that yellow and red guys/girls stealth manipulate, well I have seen it many times and I like psychology so I can spot these things. They also sometimes cheat and lie :(. Another solution is when a blue and green guy changes to be more permissive and let the red and yellow woman be the way she wants to be and either she stays with him or she gets bored and leaves him. Either he accepts and she accepts or... freedom for both but apart. The problem of the last strategy, i.e. being permissive to yellow and red - that doesn’t have solution is that one cannot love the person that doesn’t respect themselves. So it is a bit doomed as well :( It is so hard, hard to think about happy long term ending in any case, yet we people want to love and want to be loved and it is hard to imagine that it will ever change.

The Quest For the Truth

Based on a few recent life experiences I can conclude there is no truth. It is not that we know what is good or bad at a particular moment in time. What initially appears to be bad may be a good act. Sounds bizarre - I know. The future unravels whether the bad act was a bad act initially and good for the future or it was just a bad act.

You should never believe when someone tells you that he/she knows the truth. Only God knows the truth and human beings are unable to predict the future in 100%, maybe 99% AT MOST. I would support a notion agreeing with philosopher Bennet that organism develop ability to predict the future based on life experiences.

There are many Gods, in Christian religion it is different than in, for instance, Hinduism, where there are many Gods and each of them serves a particular purpose. I am a spiritual person for sure and now I do lean more do Christian vision of the truth but even I cannot call it an absolute truth at this stage. Although many books will point to the Bible as the word of God and the absolute truth. The Bible has been written by humans and is probably the most accurate word of God known to human kind. In fact a book I have been reading online recently claims that if one doubts in Bible as the only source of the Truth that means Satan is speaking through them. That would mean there is Satan in me :(. However, what about all those religions that are not Christian? Are people that believe in them going to serve in heaven or reign in hell? We don't know, one Catholic priest once told me that they may go to heaven but it is hard to know what God will decide because they didn't have Christianity in their culture. This is suggesting that Christianity is the only right way. I don't think so but I am becoming more and more Christian. While I don't know many other things about other religions but for me Christianity also teaches you how to be a good human being, repent sins, be peaceful to your enemies and many more. In a sense I am a Christian skeptic. Some of the things that priests said were personal opinions rather than things written in the Bible. Mind that you Bible has many people that interpret it slightly differently!!! This adds even more complexity. Untold things people think up themselves. This makes sense. This is so called conjecture based reasoning or projections where a person will interpret unknown and missing information in favor of it’s own desires and beliefs. In Polish we say: “co gluchy nie uslyszy to zmysli” - which means what a deaf person cannot hear they will conjure up. I met also various people that follow Hinduism, some of them claimed they know the truth, others didn’t. Now I tend to trust more the ones that don’t know the truth. Having said that, I cannot 100% believe a priest so you should definitely not believe me! :) It is up to you really. That is why we were born with reason and illogicality to be able to merge those things together. A merge is somewhat troublesome and time and intelligence is necessary to reveal meaning of illogicality. I would resort more to reason though because emotions and things that come are somewhat arbitrary. A marriage of both can be amazing and horrible, you can also think of literal marriage between a man and a woman. This can create a total differentiability, one person is driven by reason another by spirituality. Totally opposite leanings. Despite what you may think, I do actually resort to illogical thinking and am driven by my subconscious thinking sometimes, as long as it is not too risky and the consequences are irreversible or not that scary for me. I do have whims from time to time, like I strongly feel I need to do something and I do it but I think many many many times before I make a decision that is often irreversible and forever, like break up with a partner or leaving the company. Some people however - break up and they come together, leave the company - see it was a bad decision and try to come back to the previous one. In fact some people think that you should kill for love, so you should break up with someone just to see if they really love you or to control them. Recently, in the UK there was a poster of a woman - “I kill for love”. By breaking up a person can exploit’s another person’s victim’s complex and can manipulate that person. It is a dangerous game because if you do it to a psycho, someone that cannot see the difference between the feeling and reality they may actually come to kill you. A woman should be afraid what games she plays because the weapon you use to kill, may be the weapon you die from. They probability is quite low for this but it is possible. This reminds me of the movie Broken Embraces - Almovodar movie, where Penelope Cruz leaves the guy and he eventually pushes her from stairs. She is a naughty one and likes to play games but she is also quite lazy as a person and indifferent to suffering of a human being. A true evil in disguise if you think about it.

Sometimes when we leave, we leave forever with no intention of coming back but I wouldn't burn bridges unless they are a really bad bridges, depends to what they are bridges and how much the person that let you down can cause damage in your future life. If they did treachery, apply your moral standards to a treachery but try not to be too horrible. That is what I think. Others often the ones that also have biased moral standards do not judge others.

“Nie sądźcie, a nie będziecie sądzeni; nie potępiajcie, a nie będziecie potępieni; odpuszczajcie, a będzie wam odpuszczone.”

More here [In Polish]:
http://www.taize.fr/pl_article4031.html

translates to... “don’t judge, so you will not be judged, don’t condemn and you will not be condemned, forgive so that you will be forgiven”

Well, it is hard to know what to do, I don’t always know. I try emotions not to take over me in making a decision. Usually the future relation to a person shows me whether it was a good decision or in a case of a company - the next one I join to - whether I feel comfortable there.

Even Bible contains very complex events to explain - like Sodom and Gomorrah, why would God punish so many people. It almost appears like it is evolutionary - evolution also kills beings, but except for bad moral acts evolution kills weaker. Can you see the difference? Evolution destroys the weaker ones and God destroys the not obedient ones. So if there is just evolution and there is God, there is no way to know the difference. The God is truly undetectable on a larger scale. If you can see miracles of Him in your life but no one would ever proof the God, so God will always be subjective and maybe this is the way it should be - considering that free will is the most important and freedom for all of us. I would actually wish sometimes I had less freedom than I have and would prefer to be more obedient to Christian way. At least this is what I think now. Today. I am leaning back to Christianity, who knows maybe to come back to something else in the future. Even I cannot predict myself - even though I consider myself to be a person of a fairly stable beliefs. Maybe that part of me is the seeker - the seeker of the impossible to find truth.
In polish we say - “you learn all life and you die stupid”.

Quest for the truth - is not an easy quest - in fact, it is an impossible quest to find out the truth but honestly quite adventurous and shapes one’s world’s view. I can have more experience to say smart things... as opposed to practice racism, be indifferent to things and people, sexism, ignorance and specism, etc.

While a bit off topic, I genuinely think that we are naturally GOOD or BAD but over the course of our life we can change, from bad we become good, from good we become bad. It is a hard work and many people are lazy to change. Maybe the ones that are good should lean to badness and the ones that are good should lean to goodness? Well, this is what happens in relationships very very often - falling in love is differential - which means a good person falls in love in a devil and hopes that the devil will change. The devil maybe hopes the good person will change, so they hope all their life and who knows maybe some of them do change? A Polish Priest Tischner said that suffering will enrich you, so pain you experience in love - inevitable pain can change you or the partner in some way. This is what Jung wrote: ”Against an impossible love, one should wait and see the meaning of it.” Impossible love is the differential love, where people can only change through love but that is not guaranteed. I observed that people did change in love in long term relationships in some ways, in others they didn’t. So it works partially but good that it works at all!
Naturally it makes sense for the natural bad person change into a good person, as opposed to opposite! That is what I think. The badness should be obedient to goodness but they may fight from time to time. Unfortunately - necessary fights. Who wins? The stronger.... oh let’s be strong then because no one likes sissies :) That part is truly evolutionary - in evolution the stronger one wins and concept of a game in relationship emerges :( I personally don’t like love games.

So don’t trust the truth. I don’t claim I am the truth. Knowing the truth would require one to be 100% that one can predict the future events and whether they are good decisions. I don’t think anyone can claim it, people maybe can claim various percents. At this stage I may oscillate around 1-5% in certain aspects of my life. Obviously, it is not something I can mathematically calculate, more like feeling.

I don’t know the truth in life. I just have an opinion. Do you know the truth? Doubt anything. Doubt yourself and doubt others. Wait and see what is the meaning behind everything in the future. Try to predict the future as much as you can and make wise choices. This is my motto.

If there is no truth but there is only a pointer to the truth, what is your truth and you seeking the truth may change over time for you. You should learn to accept it and always understand why it has changed. It requires you to be reflective.

On sensation seeking women [yellow, red + yellow + red] and pornography

Following some of recent posts on Facebook I was a little bit surprised, only a little bit because I already knew that some of these things are happening often in the background of relationships.
I noticed that on Facebook girls a few times posted things like: “I like it on the sofa” and many similar ones which I cannot even remember. I don’t think they posted it, I am 99% sure that their boyfriends had access to their computer and they posted that. I happen to know that these women are in relationships, are yellow or yellow and green and I often know with what type of guys because I was invited to parties and had a chance to talk to them. Why would those women allow such behaviour, does it mean all women that are sensation seeking allow this behaviour? Not really. That is good news.

If you have read my post on Swedish Steps, take a look in previous blog history - then you know that one of the most powerful type of humiliations and causing psychological pain is actually - public humiliation. Little bit lesser damaging and more subtle are: being stood up, forgetting birthdays, being numb and cold but far the best one is to publicly humiliate someone. It can only work provided that the person trusts and loves the person that humiliates and the person that is being humiliated it daft enough and has a very bad pre-frontal cortex to be able to stop and think about this type of behaviour and understand what does it mean and what does it lead to. Sensation seeker woman can also can be sensitive and many people don’t know that being hurt and seeking the sensation of pain can be stimulating. That is why sensation seekers like it, because otherwise relationship becomes too boring, too predictable - and not stimulating enough. Anyone who probably reads this must think - how sick is this. That is applying moral judgement and yes in the long term it probably won’t work because eventually friends, other people and the person itself will notice it and will be strong enough to break this vicious circle. It can take years though!!! As I said especially susceptible are sensation seekers with low self esteem. It turns out most of us have some complexes so a skillful manipulator can easily exploit those. In fact, a woman often provides a feedback about her complexes. It couldn’t be easier then.

Those type of story is sometimes referred in psychological books as Pornography Story, where one partner debases and despises another one. This causes the other one to feel bad and suffer - thus something appealing to sensation seekers. There are many ways that sensation can be sought, in our society, for instance, it is believed that physical violence is a bad thing. Of course it is but comparing to psychological - physical violence is less painful. It hurts a bit and stops. Psychological one has far more reaching consequences and is also harder to detect. If you deeply think about this - this is conditioning from Pavlov’s stand point as well, except the person that is conditioned must know why they are so bad and be punished for it and enjoy it in the process. Sometimes they don’t even know why they are punished for, it doesn’t even matter. A spank is a spank, whatever.

There is another problem to all of this, in pornography story - the assumption is that when you love a woman - she will leave you. If you are brave enough to despise her, it means you love yourself more than her. You would never despise anyone you truly love. Well, those that truly love are often - but not always - left behind. It really depends on woman’s pre-frontal cortex and how clever she is to stop and think, many of them are not - but I do know a few that understand this mechanism and enjoy happier long term relationship with partners that do not play these sort of games. However, to my great surprise these women often do play these games and those partners are often puzzled on how this is possible. It almost looks like almost one person will have tendencies to fuck around. Sometimes it is not even a game - sometimes it is being bored, sometimes it is being clumsy and careless, it is enough. It is almost impossible for anyone without extensive psychological knowledge to differentiate between a subconscious or conscious despising or just simply being lazy, forgetful or clumsy. It is just very hard and has to be understood.

Why no one talks about this in society? It is a taboo topic. Yet, many couples like that are in relationships and worse of all very few of us can help these people. Contrary to what you may think - sometimes help is not necessary, sometimes they know what is happening and they allow it. If someone wants to commit a suicide they go and jump off the bridge - after all they have a free will, so I think we should also give them free will. Problem is when they do not understand what is happening, so that they cannot make more conscious decision about their future. This is worrying then.

The last the most “amazing” type of a woman you can imagine is the one that understands this mechanism, loves psychology, has good pre-frontal cortex to stop and think and at the same time she is a sensitive - sensation seeker and doesn’t like manipulation. If she doesn’t settle for a good person - she is very likely to be single. It makes sense. Just think about it. There is not other way anything else could ever work. Oh well, there are extreme sports as well but that is not a relationship :)

Sometimes I think it is hard to apply moral judgement because these people didn’t choose their brain. We have different brains and different levels of hormones - dopamine, serotonie, oxytocin and testosteron. When you have a lot of dopamine by default - you need to have a lot to have any sensation that would be interesting to you. When you have naturally low level and more oxytocin - very small quantity is stimulating and you don’t need these extra things. Yellow people do need a lot of dopamine for nice sensations or they get bored. However, in family and in the society this has far reaching consequences - a child may see a mother being beaten, shouted, treated like a second class citizen. Friends may see this behaviour and I have seen it so many times, whenever, I see it I can only be silent because what else can I say. This is not a happy silence for me.

I have known good people that changed their attitude to be able to settle with a sensation seeking woman towards a despising attitude. Some people have it naturally - others need to change if they allow it morally. Others, like me, don’t want to change, choose goodness instead. The ones that have the easiest job are actually the liars, cheaters and people that deceive a lot. Smile to you but in fact are hypocritical. For them it comes naturally - they don’t have to change because they are like that.

Games have been tried on me but I have a pre-frontal cortex is in a good shape so I am able to stop and think but I could see on myself how it could work on a sensation seeker. Our brains are indeed different but not that different for me to be able to experience things and understand what others could be experiencing as well.

We live in a society, a society has certain norms and standards, I don’t go around and piss on walls, I don’t spit on people on the streets. It is amazing that for a sensation seeker a sensation is so important that they are even willing to put up with a humiliation of this sort to experience thrills of it. I will judge it and I do judge it, it is sick. Maybe being too good, constantly bestowing woman and being a sissy is also sick but despising like this is also sick.

Evolution does favour strength, to play games like this often brains of two people need to be strong enough to handle so many dopamine injections. It is a ride big time, eventually the one that is able to handle dopamine injections in a more calm and relaxed manner becomes controlling in a relationship, often accidentally. So you can do whatever you want, if your brain is weak you are fucked. You didn’t choose your brain... evolution and genetics did choose for you. There is an assumption here - both people need to start from similar feelings of intensive love, otherwise even your brain is weaker you may still reject a person that would otherwise be stronger than you. It is when you don’t love them you don’t feel love.

There is no TRUTH, people have different meanings of the words we commonly use. So for a sensation seeker love requires a constant state of feeling thrills and high, for a sensitive person it does not because it is there by default. So for a yellow person word love can potentially mean something else than for a blue person or a green person, the ones that do not need such enormous simulations to enjoy their feelings. Same word - different meanings - totally. Those intensive feelings will finish for a sensation seeker sooner than you imagine if you do not provide her enough of stimulation on a weekly or daily basis. Then as long as she feels something, she will get hurt and enjoy masochistic feelings of intensive “love”. I put ‘love’ in quotes because this is not what I personally view as love but as I said there is NO TRUTH, so it is just my opinon.

Now a digression on religion, why a religious yellow or yellow and green woman could be more likely to choose a good person. This is because religion constantly conditions us to be good and in Christian religion actually sadness is more natural state of being that happiness. Recall self flagellation. So seeking happiness is not the necessary component but rather salvation. Now think that happiness = sensation seeking for a sensation seeker. Also, there is a very strong emphasis on a subordination of a woman to a man and concept of sacrifice in a marriage. Now think about this, if those women are really religious they could choose rather a good person. Here is the thing, there is a correlation but often there needs to be some help in that as well. By help I mean for instance a child together, family support and praying to God to resolve and help to gain strength. When there is an external force to which one can pray and connect with there is a stronger probability for a success of a marriage I think. It is not a inevitable component but I would say highly desired. If you follow divorce rates that it is clearly visible that the ones being religious are divorcing fewer times. So connect your spirits, connection can be eternal, after all love is a never ending story.

Law of attraction and psychological colours

To follow up on my previous posts about orbiting planets around the sun, I will analyze orbiting colours further.

http://matiwinnetou.blogspot.com/2010/08/are-you-star-or-planet-and-why-you.html

There seems to be a natural order of orbiting. Some of you may have seen the movie - “the secret”. I don’t quite like this movie because there is too much voodoo thinking there. I believe in science more, in fact I believe in a both of both but that is another thing. I try to explain as much as possible up to a point of unknown. The reason I believe in theory of colours so much is because it has scientific explanation on brain level and is explainable by various levels of testosterone, dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin.

One thing I have observed over the years is that women and men are particularly attracted to certain type of women and men. While a lot has to do with the way a person looks like, a lot boils down to the psychology and what their combination of colours is. I noticed that both women and men like red and yellow types or blends, red + blue and yellow + green types. Green women and men are attracted to any other colour but with different intensity. I conclude that attraction moves from introversion to extroversion. That is why sometimes a yellow woman does not have to do anything, she automatically attracts all males and psychological types of males. She may think that law of attraction works but this is nothing else than attraction chemical attraction as well as general attraction. I am not sure whether yellow women are most genetically fit, but they certainly have the highest probability to carry a child. This is because of so many men are hitting to them, eventually one succeeds, pretty much like specimen and egg in nature. In fact, based on my studies I can conclude that a yellow woman has more probability to carry a child than a blue or green woman. I don’t know exact numbers. Evolution did protect blue/green men and women because differential colours have the highest probability to fall in love. Falling in love is up to certain point after which again natural desires kick in.

I can conclude based on what I have observed:

Green, Blue, Red and Yellow.

green desires blue, red, yellow.

blue desires red and yellow more than green.

red desires more yellow than blue and green.

yellow desires yellow more than red, blue and green.

Conclusions: yellow desires anything the least, thus women and men are the hardest to commit, green desires anything, therefore women and men are the easiest to commit to a relationship or a marriage. Commitment comes harder for men than women as well.

All colours desire yellow or red as long as they can connect with these colour spiritually, sexually anyhow really. Some men or women will reject a yellow/red girl or a boy because they cannot connect to that person. You can read more about connecting to colours in my other blog entry:

http://matiwinnetou.blogspot.com/2010/01/swimming-theory.html

Desiring more does not mean that one cannot be in a relationship or in fact love the inferior colour to oneself. It just means that eventually when initial excitement passes, they will miss the qualities to which they lean to. They may suppress that missing by applying wisdom and understanding that relationship with every colour has similar advantages and disadvantages.

Both women and men can break the commitment and leave their partner to the colours they desire more. It is hard to be judgmental here, because in the end it yields more happiness for them not necessarily for the person they leave. It is gambling for them as well because the outcome is unknown. The person that is left is often shattered and with broken heart. Yellow and Red women and men tend to leave more often than Blue and Green, this is because they are naturally more egoistic and are willing to take more risks. They are often amoral as well, thus they don't think about the pain they inflict to the other person.

From that you can also conclude who needs whom more, who is chasing whom. It is not 100% correct as maybe there are exceptions and age and level of intelligence has to do a lot with it as well but is a good basis to think about.

So when you hear: “Let’s be friends or it is not you, it is me” it has often a lot to do with subconscious psychological desires and that colour based law of attraction, eventually in the end nothing else than evolutionary forces of nature.

So as a guy or a girl you believe in mercy of a women which you desire and they don’t desire you, e.g. you are green, she is red or you are blue and she is yellow, then think again. Wetter also desired Lotta and it didn’t work out for him.

What can you do about it? Very little I think, if people have similar intelligence, age and looks, there is little to help it. What you can do is when you are a guy and you are older, wealthier, prettier, you can somehow override natural leaning colour order. I don’t know for how long. Falling in love can help you as long as both people fall in love as well. Up to a point, where magic of drugs disappears. It varies and usually disappears quicker for red and yellow than for blue and green types. They have the highest probability to end the relationship first.

From my observation the longest relationships are based around soul mates or spiritual connection of some sort but even that does not override natural order.

Men tend to be more powerful than men because naturally they are more arrogant but emotionally men are not necessarily more powerful than women. They resort more to arrogance and/or cheating than being able to handle emotions as well as women. They may be as shattered or even more after a break up than women. Again psychological strength of colours in love is important to understand it.

Another mistake that both men and women do is idealisation of both yellow and red. They are the most egoistic colours out there and in case of yellow often amoral in case of red very cruel. Idealisation is only up to a point where one is blind and cannot think sensibly and didn’t get to know this person well enough. Disappointment has to come. Therefore, it is fair to assume that if both men and women lean towards those colours it is because sexual energy leans there not the assumption that they are good people. If that assumption is in place, it is a wrong assumption because assumption is the mother of all... romantic disasters.

If you think about it, the whole world is based around exploitation of some sort but also balance. Psychological innate colours are therefore in this world to provide balance. It is amazing if you think about it. It doesn’t mean relationships will be successful, oh no, not necessarily.

You may draw a conclusion that I despise yellow and red a lot, calling them often egoists, etc. They are capable to acts of altruism, often unsolicited. If it just that I think blue and green people tend to be more altruistic than yellow and red. Maybe I am wrong.

Last but not least, at the end free will overrides absolutely anything, as long as you are strong enough to fight your feelings for someone.

Are you a star or a planet and why you should know which one you are.

If you know physics and theory of gravity then you know that smaller planets orbit around bigger stars. In solar system, all planets orbit around the sun. If you think about it, it is very similar to the way evolutionary psychology and human relations work. If you give free will to both people in a any relationship what will happen is that one of them will have a better fitness function, will be stronger and another one will orbit around the stronger one. The one that orbits around usually loves less, therefore has to fight to stay in the gravitational field. The more he/she fights, the more the bigger object will want to get rid of him/her. The bigger object doesn’t care, for a bigger object you are just a pawn. The same thing happens when you join a big organization, you are just a cog in a machine. Company is bigger and more powerful than you are, so if you leave them nothing happens. You have to orbit around your boss. Of course, it is a mutual exchange, you work for the company to realize it’s objectives and you are paid for it. Once you are not necessary - you are made redundant. There is no mercy. In evolution and evolutionary psychology mercy is up to a point of fair mutual exchange between parties. Mercy in relationships is when there are feelings keeping people together or some very mundane aspects like a child together or some sort of common interests. Since feelings lasts only up to three years, this is the natural gravitational force that has to be used to commit for longer or most probably one will leave another. Think of this that when there is chemistry and soul connection nature gives you gravitational force of feeling to use it. However, as I stated one person orbits around another person. One person loves more, one person loves less. It makes complete and perfect sense from evolutionary point of view. Why would a better more powerful object seek a smaller object if it wasn’t necessary for a bigger object. Bigger object needs to want a smaller object to learn from them. It is true that a bigger object can learn from a smaller object as well but we humans tend not too appreciate it when the feeling is weaker as well.

So what traits should you have to be a bigger object, rather than a small one in a relationship? We all know it all to well: smart, rich, healthy, beautiful, having symmetrical shapes, charming, strong in non-verbal skills [like an actor] and some people may not know it but being naturally seductive [yellow+green type] is in demand. Last but not least, sharing the same love map, which is sometimes perceived as spiritual connection between two people - that can trigger falling in love.

It does not mean that you will always be a star or a planet in every relationship, in fact it keeps changing. You may be a star in one relationship and a planet in another. Again, it makes perfect sense because your fitness functions are relative and are different in different relations to people. A lot depends on age as well, that is why a woman should be younger because a man has a potential of being more powerful once he gets older. Enormously a lot depends on psychological type of a man, innate type. The conclusion is that from evolutionary point of view - women are actually more egoistic to choose one partner, where as men are more egoistic to try with many partners in case accidentally something works out. It often does, because another rule is that love that is not returned can be very strong, think of it that a guy tries with many females and accidentally he forgets to call back. For her it appears as affection or even love that is not returned. Accidentally, he may succeed. There is a moral aspect to it, why would you do that but what is a morality of a woman that leaves a smaller planet when she is the sun?

It turns out that women much prefer to be a smaller planet rather than a star. They want to orbit around the sun rather than a man orbit around them. Therefore, I actually strongly believe in patriarchal model of the family. What tends to happen is that a woman that does not orbit around the sun is unhappy and may decide to leave a man. She may not do that if she doesn’t have resources to do so, resources such as money. If she is too seek happiness in love, she may leave the smaller planet in the search for the Sun. Women are more irrational than men, therefore more rely on feelings than common sense, it is therefore more probable for a woman to leave a man that is a smaller planet than for a man to leave a woman. Having said that, the only way a man can keep a woman and make her happy in the process is to imprison her in her feeling of love to him rather than imprison her because she has no choice to leave him - no money, etc.

So what happens when as a guy you meet a woman that is too powerful - she is the big sun and you are a small planet. She will eventually reject you. Women that are suns also have a huge problem because often they are so powerful and so strong that it is hard for any man to compete with them. The man needs to be stronger than a woman for her too feel long term attraction. Short term attraction is somewhat different. Women use their feelings and other aspects to check for man's strength. It is all evolutionary psychology.

Bill Bryson wrote that probability for life in the universe is very very low. This is probably also the probability to meet a man and a woman of your dreams where all aspects are in order. Usually people don't, they have kids with different people they settle for long term relationship.

And now to cheer you up... an example of a relationship and orbiting between a man and a woman. Let's say a man is blue and green and woman is yellow and green. This is what happens:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVGzwj1A4QI

Hihi.. :) it is less funny when you have gravitational force :)

Imaginary - why reality always looses a fight with dreams

Imaginary - why reality always looses a fight with dreams

Many people dream of perfect love, perfect life, the one when both lovers love each other equally - forever. Perfect life, where everyone is equal. We seek partners and we find out that it is not possible. We seek jobs and we see how nasty world of business can be from inside. It turns out that the ones looking for an ideal will always be disappointed. This is because a real person or world will always be less ideal than our imagination. Real person always looses a battle with an imaginary vision of the person. Therefore, one has to drop a vision of an ideal person as much as possible - to the point of mutal commitment. You and the world, you and the person.

The war begins: the duel of egos

The war begins: the duel of egos, 01-08-2010

Assumptions
1. By default, love is a war because strong feelings and being hurt can lead to feelings of revenge
2. People are unable to fully love a person that doesn’t respect themselves
3. Perfect state of equilibrium is not easy among humans, either we are mean or generous, etc, we swing from one way to another rather than be perfectly in the middle

Now when you have feelings for someone, there will be many occasions for you to test whether the feeling you have for someone is stronger than your own pride and love of yourself. Always, you have a choice, you choose the feelings and the person or your ego. People have noticed that often men love bitches and women love bastards. Being a bastard or a bitch is more metaphorical here, they put themselves first, they show their ego is more important than their feelings to that person and ultimately that person for them. In the society govern by free will, the most humble way of despising someone is not wanting to meet them and spend time with them. Effect is similar to those less humble ways, it is just subtle.

Now imagine that both people have strong ego, this is a tricky situation because one person’s feelings need to be stronger than their ego to reconcile. In priest’s [always believe in merciful love] eyes the person that sort of “gives up” is a winner, but human beings perceive it differently. It appears as a weakness and no one likes weakness. Not on this world anyway, not in the world controlled by evolutionary forces. The person that has feelings stronger than their ego is almost in a defeated position. When hard time comes they will be the ones that will suffer more. It is almost like in such a potentially beautiful and over glorified thing like love - the one that loves more is a loser rather than a winner. Spiritually, in principle, he/she is a winner but practically a loser.

Historically, this was solved by inequality of women and men. A guy’s ego was always supposed to be stronger and woman was supposed to be submissive to a guy. Guy’s commitment was sought - not woman’s. That did leave guy in privileged position and often he did have affairs on a side because he knew the wife would always be there for him. It did not mean he would have to have affairs though.

When someone leaves us, we have a choice - shall we fight for that person or not. If we fight, then we devote our ego for feelings for that person. The person sees that and thinks.. ah, so you love me, they are happy by this initially but then they realize, they hey if you love me more than your feelings, that what about your ego and self-respect? This is when they may reach a conclusion that we don’t respect ourselves and actually this will cause them to stop loving us.
It is often the case, that people who actually love each other are apart. It does not mean they love each other equally or on fact need to spend time together. The worse is to threat someone you want to kill yourself, even though you may actually think your existence is futile and pointless. It does really feel this way, those are your thoughts, emotions. People commit suicide after a broken heart, this is not an illusion. They can leap from a bridge into the water, potentially fatal dip. Threatening to commit suicide doesn’t help to be loved back, in fact it has worse effect, we are completely not loved back in such case.

There are many tutorials on the Internet, how you should be horrible to a woman and to a man to be loved. If you start doing it consciously, it starts to be a concept of who will harm whom more. It starts to be sick. How could it be something you can desire? The problem is that like I wrote in the past, people cannot consciously control how bastardy their are or how horrible they are in the long term. That is why sometimes a good boy is a with a bad girl and a bad girl is with a good boy. Then they have kids and the boy is so bad that they actually cannot handle this anymore - they split. The father is hailed as a dickhead. There were many good guy - suitors - before the bad father. They were sent off, they were given a brush off, because they were not challenging, because they were too nice, because they were too good or because they pheromones were not right - meaning they smelled inappropriately! In a sense, we pay the price for our own choices. We pay the price of the way evolutionary biology works. When I like you, you like me but you smell badly for me sorry! If we only paid it, that wouldn't be too bad, children may pay it, and that is much worse. Those innocent children, at least they have a potential to fix in the future what we are unable to handle. Will they? Will they fix love? At the moment I very much doubt it, because in principle the way human brain operates would have to be altered.

In evolutionary sense this being bad is hard to explain, why would evolution favour bastards and bitches? After all, the probability for a bitch and a bastard to have a child is higher, probability for someone that is behaving badly and is gratified by an evolutionary privileged to pass on genes is somewhat strange to me. This is even scary. Often thank God, society and actually good principles bring up that child and a father or a mother are loosing the importance. It does raise concerns for the future of this, if psychologically, in principle and and on high level, this is flawed so much. This also leaves room for artificial insemination as a way to fix a flawed nature. Very shocking idea. Jennifer Aniston has been trying this recently...

Love is a loosing game
This is a song by Amy Winehouse and it is so much true, it ends up being a game, a war, a duel - initially, because there is always an ego - your ego against your feelings to that person. Both people keep trying themselves over days, months, years and check their level of feelings vs ego to other person. Eventually, naturally one person looses, because by a tiny bit they loose interest in that person. That tiny bit often means - I mean fine without you, if you leave me - I don’t care anymore. The older people are the more prepared they are to live on their own but with dignity and respect - with their ego in a good shape.

What are the factors to win the war naturally without being too horrible?
Natural factors are your natural charm abilities, being able to smile, being able to deceive your real emotions, being Yellow and green person - in case of a woman or a man, they are usually models, most sought after women - alpha females or males, being fit, being pretty [symmetrical shapes] and last but not least being smart.

Free will in love is flawed for equality of love
You can read more about freedom in love in one of my previous entries:
http://matiwinnetou.blogspot.com/2010/08/freedom-in-life-and-relationships-is-it.html

Possible combinations of feelings and ego between two people:
Both egos - version 1 Ego follows another ego through their feelings
When one person and their ego is weaker than their feelings to another person, they will follow or chase that person. The other person notices it and may stop to respect that person. This is because that means they have stronger feelings then their own ego. They may let the person to humiliate their ego for the feelings that they have.
In this situation another person will be with another person only as long as they are not fed up with them really. The follower is at mercy of the person that is followed.

Both egos - version 2 two egos go separate ways
When both egos are stronger than the feelings that they have to their partners, they may choose to go their own separate ways. Both people realize that their egos are stronger, thus it means they value themselves more than the person they have feelings for. This is sort of a pride and prejudice scenario - where both lovers love themselves but they won’t be together due to pride and strong ego that they have. In this situation they may actually reconcile and get back again and they most probably are going to miss each other although with somewhat different intensity. When the time passes, things change, feelings change and they may start missing again. This will be the case up to a moment when they will have a fight, disagreement or whatever reason that will hurt either of the egos, when the previous reason they had split comes back.

Equilibrium in love is very hard, so hard that I doubt it is even possible. There are people that are rich and the ones that are poor, we often moan about it. We dream of equality. Somehow, we think love and relationships is exempt from inequality and that perfect imaginary equilibrium can be achieved. It may appear this way, this is because feelings cannot be easily measured. There is no scale to put feelings, commitment on and check levels. It is not countable. If there was such a thing, I very much doubt that both people would ever end up equally committed and loving each other.

Why is this so hard to see? You may ask. Initially, the fighting is invisible, you talk about stuff, exchange ideas, it appears equal - actually for both people it is equal. It can feel amazing from day one. Over time, however, subtleties come out, missed expectations, wrong assumptions and projections we had stand a test of time. Thus, the only perfect love is an imaginary love, love of dreams, because in dreams unlike in reality everything is possible. As a Software Engineer by profession, I only believe in working things and equality of feelings doesn’t work in real life in love.

Praying to God or any other external force will not help you to be loved back equally what it may change if you are religious is the commitment of the person that doesn't need you as much as you do.

So why people believe in often ridiculous and impossible ideas like perfect and pure love? This is because believing in a notion of something perfect will shield them from the cruelty of existence. It is better to live in a dream than in cruel reality. Living in a cruel reality removes all sensitivity that you may have. Dreams are better :)

Why to be with a yellowy girl you have to be a prick, liar and a dickhead and they like it without knowing about it

Why to be with a yellowy girl you have to be arrogant, liar and a dickhead and they like it without knowing why

Someone may ask a question, why do I keep blogging about this stuff. Well, this is because no one actually told me any of this when I was a child. It would have helped to explain certain behaviour of other people towards me. I had to study psychology and observe life and think and think and think...

The title is a bit ironic. You don’t have to lie and smart yellow girls [very few - sorry] usually settle in the long term for good boys but lying and deception is for them a very important part of seduction process that works. It really depends what they want, if they want commitment, they prefer blueish/greenish boys, if they want love games and have fun and lovers around, they much prefer naughty Red or Red/blue and Yellow/green boys.

Yellow girls/boys are the hardest to get in the long term actually, this is because they are the hardest to commit to anything serious for the long term. This is quite sexy and exciting. Now, yellow people as an anthropologist author Helen Fischer writes have somewhat biased moral system to their own needs. Everyone is egoistic but naturally they are more than let’s say moral blue people. That means they will often resort to lying to get something and have fewer moral problems about it. For instance, do you recall tv adverts, where a handsome guy is walking and then a girl accidentally falls so he can come to help her. This is a typical yellowish behaviour, where a lie is used to seduce a person. Lie is important in love games for yellowy people. Another example of yellowish behaviour is torture, also to seduce. Being sweet and horrible in short time intervals. It does not have to be done consciously - but can be done unconsciously and usually is. If for a yellow girl that is a normal behaviour, and sometimes morally justified in their own value system [when they play love games] - that means theoretically she should accept that behaviour towards her as means to seduce her. She often does but sometimes keeps moaning about it, she says: “all men are liars” but on other occasions she does, in fact, not lying is considered to be a failure. An example is when a guy tries to approach a girl and tells her she is beautiful and amazing and would like to have her phone number. That is a FAIL straight away. There is no game and game is the part of seduction process. If he asks for a way somewhere then it is ok. In fact, she should only accept those that don’t lie from the beginning because those innocent lies with turn into real lies in the future. That would also mean that everyone on streets would be asking for phone numbers and it is not socially acceptable. I am glad actually it is not in a way because one important part of relationships is a conscious commitment, therefore a person needs to consciously want to date when they are available.
It wouldn’t be bad if lies were only used for seduction purposes but the problem is that once someone has indeed biased moral system they tend to get confused and perhaps lie about issues they should not lie about. That leads us to another problem, the exploitation of victim’s complex by treating some person badly. Everyone has complexes, even the most amazing people so any person’s ego can be hurt and exploited.

Since evolutionary psychology works so much, we tend to love people that want us the least. This means that the best boy or a girl in our thinking process is the one that runs away from us the most. Needless to say, people are not together in such case or for a few moments only, mostly living separately. This only happens when we want them a lot, because otherwise we don’t care. It means that the best possible manipulation and exploitation can be done when people actually have very strong feelings, emotions and connection to each other. This is when the game CAN begin [does not have to]. The older people are the less they want to play games and want games to be played upon but some of them never stop actually. Why? Because it works, it hurts as well, so sadists often do that.
Sometimes you may spot a yellowish girl likes you is when she flirts with everyone, EXCEPT YOU. This is typical behaviour actually. It appears as though you are the least important but in fact you were the most. This is deception and yellow people resort to deception very often. The thing about deception is that one from another can only be differentiated by intuition and ability to read body language communication and tiny little messages. That is very hard and yellow people know it well. That is because they actually sometimes really mean they don’t care about you at all.

The former behaviour of flirting with everyone except you - is a TOTAL lie and as I said many times yellowy people are natural liars, it just comes to them naturally. That does not mean they lie all the time, it is just easy for them to be poker facing people and lying when they decide to do so. This comes to them easily because acting skills are in their nature, they are masters of their body language, unlike blue people that are unable to hide their emotions as well as yellowy people. Yellowy people are also very spontaneous, so they will lie without you knowing when. No chance to predict anything because there is no prediction, even they don’t know sometimes how they will act, they rarely plan it! Yellowy people make decisions in their life based on conscious and subconscious thinking. When it is subconscious I am starting to think that yellowy [explorers] may be perfect number generators. This is because this is a subconscious process. As a IT digression it is well known, however, that human conscious number generation process is not perfectly random.

In a relationship a yellowish woman can be unhappy in two ways actually:
1. she is with a guy she doesn’t fancy that much - that is good and kind to her and doesn’t want to play games with her,
2. she is with a guy that despises her, lies to her and treats her badly, potentially eventually cheating on her or dumping her,

Yellowish girl is more likely to choose no 1, when she doesn't have money and a child that needs to be brought up, provided that a guy is not a total wimp. She will most likely choose no 2, when she has no child and perhaps he will slit up with him after some time or for some other reasons this will finish. So in evolutionary psychology the goodness is not favoured anyhow. In society yes, we punish the cheaters and liars a lot [there is judicial system and social norms] but in evolutionary psychology they get a reward, naturally, provided that they are sexually attractive, know how to manipulate and are masters of their body language, etc. Their gens get passed to next generation. One example I remember is when one girl I know got confused and acted bitchy to me even though there was absolutely nothing between us. I disliked her totally. This was a FAIL for me straight away. I applied social norms because I didn’t idealize or like her or anything. Lady GAGA sings that yellowy girls should start playing games when “he is hooked up”. I wasn’t hooked up so she failed as well. She wouldn’t have failed if I trusted her and loved her. So now you understand why to trust a human being is so hard, it is the hardest between women and men. These things often work out in the longer term, so first, second or a third day may show signs of romantic equality. Very pretty and blissful moments to be honest, very deceptive. Eventually that equality is broken, either way.
The way to spot who someone really is when how they behave towards members of their family, this is because they don’t have to fight for their love, they will be who they are. Horrible things can be seen, like scolding, shouting and quarrelling, etc. Even that is not that simple, because in certain cultures it is socially acceptable to behave like this. In fact it is expected. I am thinking of Italian culture in particularly.

It is not hard to imagine why almost all romantic guys in Romantism have failed to seduce women - because they were too good and they could/did not want to play love games. They didn't know much about evolutionary psychology back then.

Freedom in life and relationships - is it the ultimate perfection or fundamentally flawed idea?

Freedom in life and relationships - is it the ultimate perfection or fundamentally flawed idea?

Are you truly free? No one is truly free actually. Even, the tramp, the person that seems to be the most free is trapped in his body that owns him. People dream of being free and many of us in the western society cannot imagine a different life then the one governed by actions of free will. Needless to say, certain actions in your life can be free. In fact, to be imprisoned is considered to be one of the worst things. You go to jail when you do bad things - it is a punishment.

Freedom is only helpful to those that know how to use it sensibly and somewhat troublesome for the ones that don’t know what they want. For people that don’t know what they want, freedom gives an ability to try things, make mistakes and learn from them. Have you ever heard an expression that grass is always green on the other side? I am sure, you have, it is a fairly popular saying. It means that we often tend to think that something else will give us more happiness than status quo. This thinking is somewhat flawed, often what we cannot imagine is a new set of problems that we will encounter on the other side. Some of them obviously are impossible to imagine, some of them, however, are foreseeable. It is often lack of imagination of negative aspects of grass on the other side that makes us fall into a trap that the current state is bad and all will be sorted when we change. What tends to happen is that we do swap problems, we eliminate certain problems and we encounter new ones. When we actually swap a better state for worse state, we may be tempted to go back. Sometimes it is possible, sometimes the doors are closed, so we have to factor that while making decision to move on.

Concept of freedom starts to be really properly complicated when it is analyzed in relationships. I have been analysing how freedom is somehow flawed in this area. Some time ago I reached a conclusion that relationship is like a way together towards the same destination. There are many ways, forks, junctions, crossings, with different people walking there but both people choose the same path to walk on. That is act of free will but also this act is an act of eliminating parts of own freedom. Both people cannot be truly free when they are together. It is an imprisonment. The most beautiful kind of imprisonment is when someone enslaves oneself out of free will. We already know that imprisonment can be considered to be a punishment, that is why some people actually want to be free. One can ask a question - what keeps people together then, so that they devote the most precious thing they have - freedom. People do it because of feelings, spiritual connection of some sort and last but not least ability to “dope” chemistry of another person through intimate encounters. I think many people thousands of years ago have noticed how freedom in relationships can be flawed for both people to stay together in the long term. Women are best known to be undecided and not knowing what they want, men are infamous for cheating because naturally they just love to spread semen around and their brain is easily turned on by new sexual objects. There have been numerous ways of fixing it - in almost every culture. In Indian culture, parents choose the groom for their daughter, in christian culture, marriage is considered to be - to the grave - no matter what. It makes sense if you think about it - problems will have to come, frustrations will appear, an initial enthusiasm will wear out, chemistry will weaken as apparently according to research people can be in love chemically only up to three years. The only ideal relationship is the one that is in your head, in your imagination, where you cannot imagine potential problems. As a small digression, vivid imagination is one of the most important components of falling in love, when you idealize person to be more perfect than they actually are. When you see flaws straight away, that is a killer. So people that are most likely to fall in love a few times in their lifetime are the ones that have actually vivid imagination.

We humans, undeniably, are partially animals. Animals mate everywhere and when you look at mating habits of mammals, you can clearly see that relationships between female and male have not been devised or engineered to favour time and “couples” don’t stay together in the long term. Time is not a necessary component for offspring to be born and raised. Cubs grow up and move on. There was no other hidden agenda, the only need is for the offspring to be born and survive up to a point of mating again. Having said that, marriage, long relationships between humans are somewhat artificially created because they have not been designed by evolutionary forces. In practise what that means is that often if you do indeed crave for long term relationship you will have to face inevitable problems and changing nature of a relationship. A recent trend of more popular divorces and in a sense collapse of marriage that will only be broken by death of one or both spouses is the realisation of the trend to be as long as you want to be and then move on with life to experience new thrills. If you think about it, it is going back to evolutionary roots and baking on nature - evolutionary gift - chemistry of love. That means you are a good on a market that has to sell, in case of woman, has to be young, fertile, educated, smart, etc and in case of a man rich, tall and clever. You have to be somewhat capable - healthy, no go for ugly, fat or disabled people really. That is why what you may notice is abundance of many females over 50 on dating columns in newspapers that have a few responses and a “full voice inbox” of the ones between 20 and 35. It is the way nature operates. It gets harder for a woman to be inseminated and give birth to a healthy child once she is over 35. It is not a coincidence that women tend to marry around age of 35, this is when they slowly start to realize that their time as heart breakers and guys tripping each other to get the beautiful ones is soon to be over.

Modern relationship, one without rules known in religious cultures resembles working in a company, applying for a job in a company and being interviewed for a job. In this case, both people do interview themselves. I often hear that people change jobs every now and then, it is because they cannot progress, because they want more money, because their boss is a bully, etc. It is uncommon to find somebody working for one company more than 3 years these days and even if they do, they are usually already quite bored and thinking of changing. Sometimes they cannot change, sometimes it is not easy, etc but they already start thinking of changing. Thinking is the beginning of leaving.

Relationship can be considered to be like working in the same company. Company has certain goals and there is always a political element to it and as we have already established you have to devote parts of your freedom for cooperative reasons. Why do you wake up every day to go to work? Is it because you want to change the world? Maybe for some people it is the case, until they notice flaws and dark aspects of companies, they fact that they are just a fungible resource for them. Sooner or later a wonderful boss will be mood, sooner or later frustration and complications will appear. In fact the longer we work for a company the more flaws and imperfections we tend to see. All this beauty is gone then and people think about - money when they wake up every day to go to work. They think about the bills to pay and their tummy that burps, craving for food. That means that we are not motivated by anything extraordinary but very mundane - thing - money. The longer we are in a relationship, the more flaws we tend to notice. If there is nothing mundane that our ego may want and that relationship provides, it is not hard to imagine that one person or both people may go separate ways. In the same way, we would not work for company that is imperfect. An initial period in the company - the honeymoon period is a perfect period, because you cannot see flaws, of course there are flaws, you just cannot for-see future problems. That state is a blissful state actually. The same happens in a real relationship - when there are problems, people often split - thinking that grass will be greener with another person. The problem is that actually sometimes it is. Therefore people tend to gamble, literally, they gamble they relationship for the potential of another relationship - if they are lucky to be with someone else, someone that can provide them with more resources, more options, more happiness. Some people think it is morally wrong to do so, but morality and ego’s own egoistic paths are somewhat different concepts.

The most successful couples and as the most successful I mean the ones that stay together for long time are the ones that do so out of some sort of political need or something that boils down to very mundane aspects. Good example is when a wife is with a husband because she doesn’t work and has to look after children. She cannot really easily leave the husband because it will be hard if not impossible for her to provide for children on her own. Others stay together because they want to bring up the child together and a child needs a parent, Christians stay together for better or worse because it would be an act against God’s will to do otherwise, Indians stay together because their parents have chosen that for them. Women marry wealthy men because they want security. That is why to really know that someone wants to be with you is to make both people completely free - without any socioeconomic ties. This is when you find the real answer - in most cases very brutal. One person eventually can and wants to live without another person and prefers freedom over imprisonment of relationship.

People who experienced love, often know that it can get close to feelings of hatred, this love and hatred as emotions are very close. Ambivalent feelings of love and hatred are not uncommon. hatred is very liberating for us when we are angry with that person. From my observation over time hatred is gone and usually turns itself in either indifference or actually feelings of love. Why is this important in the context of freedom, it is very actually. When you do capture your state of mind when you feel hatred all you want is so be apart from that person. You want freedom because that imprisonment is too painful.

Knowing what one wants may be harder than one thinks. We go from school to school, often without knowing what we want to do with our life, it is not uncommon that pure coincidence decides rather than our free will. In a very distant past, the profession was often passed from generation to generation, there was not as much choice as now. A blacksmith father passed skills to a blacksmith son, in Indian culture once you were born in certain cast, you stayed in that cast. Lack of freedom could be, paradoxically, liberating because the pain of over analysing and thinking about other options was gone, taken out of thinking process so one could focus on other aspects.

It is well known that people seek themselves in another person, yet someone who is a bit different. Why would they want to be with themselves only if they have themselves all the time? What tends to happen is that while they do indeed enjoy the qualities of another person that they lack, they may not accept an inevitable component, the vices that come along with that package. in addition, people are problem solvers, so we tend to focus not on good aspects but aspects that are bad - that require resolution. A minor problem can therefore grow to an enormous size and can be lost in the context of other parts working fine. Thus, a split and use of one’s freedom seems to be unavoidable in such cases, and mostly when there are no socioeconomic ties. I do seriously question reckless thinking of people when they do split based on trivial issues.

Another path that one may choose is to be with someone, not because there are God wishes that or parents have chosen but because since it is good for a child to have a biological father and mother. It is then much more probable for people to split when they have no child together.

The reason I wrote this is because you can think through what kind of life you want to lead. The path that you choose, will have advantages and disadvantages. You will make that decision yourself - without any coercion. I do not endorse particular style of life I just show their good and bad things so you can make your own decisions. Last but not least - I do have my own opinion of how I want to lead my life but I wouldn't be able to tell anyone 100% how they should live - this very much depends on who they are and what their ideals are.